Thursday, December 22, 2011


"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death." - Earl Wilson

I feel courageous today upon receiving the news of my grandmother's health condition. She is the mother I grew up with. So yes, that is the feeling.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Just Saying - Stardust

"You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine." ~ Yvaine, Stardust (2007)

I am reading Stardust... <3

Friday, December 16, 2011

No Need to Be Sad or Depress


On this peaceful Friday, I'd like to share a beautiful article by Yasmin Mogahed.

In denial stage, it is our nature to blame. We either blame ourselves or others - some would even blame Allah. But blame only makes us more miserable. And what's worse, it is like a huge wall between us and acceptance that would allow us to think clearly and see the light. I learnt this lesson from La Tahzan few years back during my denial stage. It was a wakeup call. Apa yang berlaku bukan kerana apa yang kita buat atau tidak buat. Jika itu yang telah tertulis dalam lembaran takdir kita, buat lah apa pun, nothing will change.

Allah doesn’t need any reason. Ini kerana sifat Allah yang harus. Harus bagi Allah melakukan atau meninggalkan sesuatu mengikut kehendak dan kudrat-Nya, yang langsung tidak dipengaruhi oleh sesiapapun. Allah bebas melakukan atau menjadikan sesuatu tanpa disebabkan oleh sesuatu peraturan atau tidak melakukannya.

"Dan Tuhanmu menciptakan apa yang dirancangkan berlakunya, dan Dialah juga yang memilih (satu-satu dari makhlukNya untuk sesuatu tugas atau keutamaan dan kemuliaan) tidaklah layak dan tidaklah berhak bagi sesiapapun memilih (selain dari pilihan Allah). Maha Suci Allah dan Maha Tinggilah keadaanNya dari apa yang mereka sekutukan denganNya. // Thy Lord does create and choose as He pleases: no choice have they (in the matter): Glory to Allah! and far is He above the partners they ascribe (to Him)!" (Al-Qasas: 68)

To all those who suffer from sadness or depression…
by Yasmin Mogahed
Please visit:

To all those suffering from sadness or depression, know that it isn’t your fault. It isn’t because you’re weak. It isn’t because you’re just not grateful enough. It isn’t because you’re just not religious enough. It isn’t because you don’t have enough faith. It isn’t because God is angry with you. To all the well-meaning people who tell you this, just smile. And know deep in your heart that the tests of God come in different forms to different people. And know that, by the help of God, every test can become a tool to get closer to Him. And that, verily, with hardship come ease–and like all things of this world–this too shall pass.


Thursday, December 15, 2011

Just Saying 15-Dec-2011


Setiap hari mesti berazam untuk jadi lebih baik. Setiap hari mesti ada keinginan untuk hijrah diri ke arah yang lebih baik. Di samping tu, mesti juga berdoa semoga dari keinginan tu datangnya tekad yang ikhlas terhadap Allah. Semoga Allah buka jalan-jalan kebaikan untuk kita sertai dan semoga Allah kurniakan istiqamah di dalam kumpulan tersebut. Perubahan adalah sesuatu yang payah untuk dilakukan dan kita tidak boleh bertindak sendirian tanpa bantuan Allah. So have the desire NOW. You never know when you'll get the opportunity. Kita tak tahu setakat mana usia kita. Dan bila jalan hijrah itu tiba, ambillah.
Just saying.


Wednesday, December 14, 2011

30 Days and Starts Counting!

Waiting for the Spring
by Mitsuo Aida

I felt that someone was looking at me.
I turned my wheelchair
And found a little flower blooming there.

I couldn’t do it, or
I didn’t do it.
I wonder which one?

If you spend all your time only thinking,
The sun will set.

A poem for my children.
It matters not the path you choose
Nor the way you walk it.
What matters is living that life to its fullest.


Today is exactly 30 days before my 28th birthday. That means I have 30 days left to cheer and to enjoy being 27 years young! Hahaha.

I always have this weird feeling about my birthday. The feeling of taking off from a high place and fly (or maybe just free fall!). No, it is not fear. It is more to excitement, I guess. It is like feeling rush of adrenaline through me.

All my life, I just want to move to the next birthday after another. Being old doesn't really bother me that much (until recently, still not that much though). I was very ambitious back then. In the world I want to be, being young means weak and age is power.

Reaching 28 in days, wow, that's quite a number. It is funny when in my ambitious world, I never picture myself being this age. It's always a fast forward vision where everything went well and I am old enough to have the world acknowledging my thoughts.

I think I am going to celebrate my 28th birthday with the most childish cake - Ben 10 maybe - with lot of candles and fun figures on it. Yes, I think I'll do that ^_____^


Tuesday, December 13, 2011


While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt


It was a weekend full of pictures and I personally adore these pictures of Hakimi and Syifa. I feel like both of them has grow up so much and are going to leave home soon... *Teary eyes* Hahaha. That is dramatic *wink* On the other hand, maybe I'm the one who's going to leave them growing up on their own... *sigh*

I feel grateful for my interest in kids’ photography. Kids are not my expertise but somehow photography helps me to deal with my fear. And I figure out that Edward is lovable and can have effect on people. Hehehe. Rather than just a hobby and madly running around capturing pictures, I am actually getting so much in return from the kids - Syifa and Hakimi and others. I thought I was teaching them to smile to laugh to act properly. But it is really them giving me lesson through the small lens. Precious life lesson.

Hakimi is a polite, timid and shy boy. There's no problem with him, except that he's not eating or talking that much. But Hakimi is my so far biggest iceberg in photography. The lens just doesn’t love him, I said to myself. He doesn’t know how to smile, I added. The truth is, I am being a typical adult - putting the blame on the kid rather than myself. It was always me; I don't have the patience and I always give up on him. Hakimi, on the other hand, did not give up with me - the fact crushes me over and over again. He always try harder to get into the picture just the way Mak Long want. And now look at his smile! If only I have invested more into being patience, I would not have missed these...

Without patience, we left our kids to grow up on their own. They're alone to explore and understand the world that we fail to explain. Each time we give up and quit, we are being unfair to them as they deserve the guidance, from us, the parents and adults. How would we feel if people give up on us on daily basis? That’s right - frustration. On top of everything, without patience, we are losing our moment with them - precious, growing up moment.

Hakimi was only 3 years old when we first met. The foundation of his personality was well taught by his mother (my sister in-law) over obstacles being a single mother. I believe that somehow Hakimi have his own idea of the world. I truly believe and hope Hakimi would grow up to be a very loving person. Syifa on the other hand, was born into and growing up with sugar and spice and everything nice. She has strong and colorful personality and a good taste in shoes (because Syifa only show interest in my shoes :p) I believe and hope Syifa would never lose any of her bouncy personality, with addition of kindness.

Because she is the first granddaughter, Syifa receives many attentions since the day she was born. The attention she receives built her confidence. This is clearly shows in her pictures. Or maybe having me taking her pictures made her confident. It's good to have well developed self-confidence. It could help her to climb any mountains. On the contrary, somewhere between the lines I need to ask myself: can love and attention given to her corrupt her in any way? She'll be fine, I assure myself. If and only if we educate her properly. What's wrong is wrong, what's right is right. She can't just get her way because she's adorable.

Looking at them, running around turning the house upside down, I ask myself: What could go wrong?

How will you remind your children to perform solah 5 times a day when you never complete yours? How will they send du'a for you if you never teach them to say du'a? How would they become a good servant if they don't have you as the role model? The best way to teach about compassion is by showing compassion, that is, to have compassion. When we shout, our children will shout, too. We can't raise happy children if we don't demonstrate happiness in our home. We could not expect our children to respect us if we never show our respect to them. If we never listen to them, they will never listen to anyone. In summary, you can't raise a good person if you yourself is not a good person. Parenting requires sincerity and sincerity is His Secret.

They are pure souls on earth. We were all once pure souls. But look what we have become? It is almost unbearable to let those tiny fingers and toes to grow up.

Have you ever love anybody unconditionally so much, that you would give up everything for them? 10 years ago I could not reason how or why a woman would give up opportunities and career just to commit to her family. Few years after that, I think I can consider letting go my dreams, maybe after some time, and then commit to my family. But with Hakimi and Syifa (and Sumayyah), I am certain that I can and I will let go everything for a family. I believe this must be the feeling every parent have. This is the most important lesson I learn.


Monday, December 12, 2011

Untuk Sahabat Saya

Mencari Redha


"Hadapilah ujian hidup dengan mencari maksud di sebalik takdir-takdir Allah. Dengarlah suara tarbiah dan dakwah yang berbisik setiap kali kita diuji. Kebaikan dan keburukan hanya ada pada penilaian insan, tetapi di sisi Allah, apa yang ditakdirkan-Nya pasti satu kebaikan".
- Prakata; Nota Hati Seorang Lelaki, Ustaz Pahrol Mohamad Juoi.

Tidak ada pembuka bicara yang lebih tepat selain kata-kata di atas. Hadirnya mendahului ujian, seakan persediaan dan motivasi. Satu kenyataan yang tidak dapat dinafikan justeru memandu diri ke arah ketenangan hati. Takdir dan ujian adalah 'tema' bulan Disember. Cahaya di hujung terowong mungkin. Padahal takdir dan ujian wujud seiring usia selagi bernyawa sebelum ajal tiba. Penutup kepada tahun yang panjang sekaligus bekalan ilmu untuk tahun seterusnya.

Perjalan pendek dari Pulau Pinang ke Parit Buntar amat membuka minda. Pelajarannya mungkin tidak akan didapati walaupun dalam perjalan seribu batu kalau bukan kerana izin Allah. Banyak yang difikirkan dan banyak yang ingin diperkatakan. Terlalu banyak emosi yang ingin digambarkan. Terlalu banyak 'keadilan' yang ingin dituntut. Jelasnya, semua itu sekadar permainan perasaan. Kedegilan hati. Jadi ini adalah yang terbaik.

Hakikatnya, aku sedang mencari redha.
Dan ini adalah catatan ringkas pencarian tersebut...

Kita semua sekadar memenuhi takdir. Tidak ada yang bersalah. Tidak ada apa yang salah. Tidak ada sebarang penyesalan. Jadi kemaafan tidak perlu. Biasalah jika ada yang tercalar dan terluka. Yang luka pasti sembuh, yang sakit pasti ada penawarnya. Allah itu Maha Lemah Lembut dan Maha Pengasih... Redha itu adalah penawarnya. Pujuklah hati untuk redha. Mintalah kepada Allah, semoga dilembutkan hati yang satu itu untuk melihat redha. Bila redha itu ditemui, pulihlah semuanya.

Rasulullah bersabda: "Amat menarik hati keadaan orang beriman, semua pekerjaannya baik belaka, dan itu ada hanya pada orang beriman: Jika memperoleh kesenangan, dia bersyukur. Dan itu memberikannya kebaikan (pahala). Jika ditimpa bahaya (kesusahan), dia sabar dan itu juga memberikannya kebaikan”. Aku mahu jadi orang begini.
Jangan menangisi takdir yang tidak menyebelahi kita. Sebaliknya senyumlah; senyuman yang paling manis adalah senyuman ketika menerima ujian daripada Allah. Penuhilah takdir tersebut dan hiduplah memenuhi takdir yang seterusnya. Pilihlah jalan untuk takdir yang lebih baik dan memberi kebaikan kepada semua. Mati itu pasti, tapi kita boleh memilih untuk mati dalam iman atau tidak... Rahmat Allah itu Maha Luas. La tahzan.

Semua ini tidak mudah untuk dilakukan. Amat payah. Kerana itu percaya kepada Allah dan Zat-zatNya adalah sangat penting. Tidak ada kekuatan selain kekuatan anugerahNya yang mampu membantu dalam perjalanan mencari redha. Redha itu dicari dengan mencari Allah. Redha itu ditemui dengan menghayati ujianNya dan melihat hikmahNya. Ustaz Pahrol Mohamad Juoi menulis mengenai hikmah dalam entri Mencari Ketenangan Hati:

"Hikmah adalah sesuatu yang tersirat di sebalik yang tersurat. Hikmah dikurniakan sebagai hadiah paling besar dengan satu ujian. Hikmah hanya dapat ditempa oleh “mehnah” – didikan langsung daripada Allah melalui ujian-ujian-Nya. Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda, “perumpamaan orang yang beriman apabila ditimpa ujian, bagai besi yang dimasukkan ke dalam api, lalu hilanglah karatnya (tahi besi) dan tinggallah yang baik sahaja!”
Jika tidak diuji, bagaimana hamba yang taat itu hendak mendapat pahala sabar, syukur, reda, pemaaf, qanaah daripada Tuhan? Maka dengan ujian bentuk inilah ada di kalangan para rasul ditingkatkan kepada darjat Ulul Azmi – yakni mereka yang paling gigih, sabar dan berani menanggung ujian. Ringkasnya, hikmah adalah kurnia termahal di sebalik ujian buat golongan para nabi, siddiqin, syuhada dan solihin ialah mereka yang sentiasa diuji".

"Pendek kata, bagi orang beriman, ujian bukanlah sesuatu yang negatif kerana Allah sentiasa mempunyai maksud-maksud yang baik di sebaliknya. Malah dalam keadaan berdosa sekalipun, ujian didatangkan-Nya sebagai satu pengampunan. Manakala dalam keadaan taat, ujian didatangkan untuk meningkatkan darjat. Justeru, telah sering para muqarrabin (orang yang hampir dengan Allah) tentang hikmah ujian dengan berkata: “Allah melapangkan bagi mu supaya engkau tidak selalu dalam kesempitan dan Allah menyempitkan bagi mu supaya engkau tidak hanyut dalam kelapangan, dan Allah melepaskan engkau dari keduanya, supaya engkau tidak bergantung kepada sesuatu selain Allah."

Nota kepada hati-hati yang juga mencari redha (Aku bukanlah hebat, jauh daripada sempurna. Ambillah mana yang baik): Bersabarlah – Sabar itu susah, tapi pulangannya menguntungkan. Sabar asas yang penting. Kalau tidak sabar, pasti terus melatah. Bila kita dalam perjalan menuju ke satu tempat yang kita tidak biasa, sudah tentu ada peta, ada guidelines untuk ke sana. Perlu juga perhatikan landmark, tanda arah dan papan tanda. Kalau memandu dengan laju, pasti ada yang terlepas pandang. Perlahan sedikit - di sinilah peranan sabar. Supaya dapat melihat dengan lebih jelas. Tarik nafas dahulu.

Semoga Allah anugerahkan redha...

*** Isnin, 12 Disember 2011, jam 3:18 petang, membaca Berdamailah Dengan Takdir oleh Ustaz Pahrol Mohamad Juoi. Kebetulan yang mengharukan... Memang takdir dan ujian adalah 'tema' bulan Disember~


by Opick feat. Melly Goeslow

Dihempas gelombang dilemparkan angin
Sekisah ku bersedih ku bahagia
Di indah dunia yang berakhir sunyi
Langkah kaki di dalam rencana-Nya

Semua berjalan dalam kehendak-Nya
Nafas hidup cinta dan segalanya

Dan tertakdir menjalani segala kehendak-Mu, Ya Robbi
Ku berserah ku berpasrah hanya pada-Mu, Ya Robbi
Dan tertakdir menjalani segala kehendak-Mu Ya Robbi
Ku berserah ku berpasrah hanya pada-Mu, Ya Robbi

Bila mungkin ada luka coba tersenyumlah
Bila mungkin tawa coba bersabarlah
Karena air mata tak abadi
Akan hilang dan berganti (hilang kan berganti)

Bila mungkin hidup hampa dirasa
Mungkinkan hati merindukan Dia
Karena hanya dengan-Nya hati tenang
Damai jiwa dan raga

Dan tertakdir menjalani segala kehendak-Mu, Ya Robbi
Ku berserah ku berpasrah hanya pada-Mu, Ya Robbi
Dan tertakdir menjalani segala kehendak-Mu, Ya Robbi
Ku berserah ku berpasrah hanya pada-Mu, Ya Robbi
Hanya pada-Mu, Ya Robbi

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Yang Dinamakan Ujian


Ujian dalam hidup itu bagus. Ia mengajar kita menjadi tabah. Ia menjadi kayu pengukur kepada ketabahan yang mungkin kita miliki. Umpama langit malam yang gelap, menyerlahkan bintang-bintang yang bergemerlapan. Allah tidak pernah berbohong, kita tidak akan diuji melebihi apa yang kita mampu. Jadi bertahanlah, dan carilah kekuatan dari kata-kataNya. Islam tidak pernah mendidik umatnya untuk berputus asa. Islam juga tidak pernah mendidik umatnya untuk keterlaluan dalam melayan kesedihan. Semua yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. Mintalah pada Allah, semoga kita dapat melihat hikmah kebijaksanaanNya.


Just Saying 6-Dec-2011

The ultimate test in moving on is when the moment you decide to do so, what you're letting go suddenly come flying to you. Just saying.

Breaking Dawn Part 1 - Movie Review

I watched it twice and am ready for the third :p
I'd like to start this review with Edward's wedding toast:

"It's an extraordinary thing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to and accept you for what you are. I've been waiting, for what seems like a very long time, to get beyond what I am. With Bella I feel like I can finally begin. So I'd like to propose a toast to my beautiful bride. No measure of time with you will be long enough. But let's start with forever."

Exactly. Zero reason not to like Edward <3

The pre-wedding was cut short. Very, very short. No Mercedes S600 Guard. No breaking the news to Charlie and Renee, so no changing color Charlie and motherly advice from Renee. But the mood is there. Charlie clearly doesn't happy with the wedding and Renee on the contrary is very happy about it. Bella is nervous and Edward is anxious. But I am grateful to see Alice having fun planning the wedding. In another words, bossing everybody. Love the scene where Alice shout: "Does no one have vision?!". Hahahaha. Very cute, darling. It is sweet to see Rosalie getting involved with the wedding. She is after all not offended by Bella's choice of groom, just her blatant lack of respect for mortality.

Now, let’s talk wedding.
We have waited for years to see Bella walk down that aisle.

I've been waiting for a year for this, so I'm going to shout it out loud. I LOVE THE WEDDING DRESS and the wedding shoes! The wedding dress is magnificent, the kind that only exist in fiction. Made out of crepe satin and French Chantilly lace, 152 buttons line the back of Bella's dress, with 17 additional buttons on each sleeve. And the shoes are the kind Alice would buy and Edward could afford for his lovely bride. I am serious about the price - the Manolo Blahnik Swan Pumps. The wedding dress is the surprise element for Breaking Dawn and I really appreciated the way it was introduced. When we first saw Bella, the dress looks simple. Just like her. But as she walked down the aisle and the camera close up to the back of the dress, I gasped with awe. And then to the sleeves and the rest of the dress... Lovely piece! If I ever got the chance to wear a wedding dress, I'd want to wear this.

I was anxious for this part of Breaking Dawn, but they pull it through. It's not perfect, but it is acceptable and I love it. Though they did not make Alice as the bridesmaid! The most important thing is it did have the "my world, which had been upside down for so long now, seemed to settle into its proper position" feeling. Rosalie played Pachelbel’s Canon in the book, but Bill Condon made Bella walked with Turning Page in the background. Lovely! And I like Bella's expression when she finally found Edward - "suddenly, it was only the pressure of Charlie’s hand on mine that kept me from sprinting headlong down the aisle". Another scene to love is Edward and Bella's moment on the altar as they share their first kiss as husband and wife. As Flightless Bird, American Mouth played on the background, the guesses disappeared leaving Edward and Bella alone in their world. You must recognize the scene from Twilight's prom. When you are with the one person you want to be, the world doesn't exist anymore. Life is content.

The first time I watched Breaking Dawn, I was not fond with the wedding speech. But as Edward said, what's a wedding without some family drama? Emmet's speech would sound ridiculous for non-reader, but of course I laughed to that. Hahaha. I am not sure how Jessica got to have her part in the speech, but she totally lost her mind :P Renee's lullaby was so Renee and it's something I could expected in real life. Charlie's speech was hilarious. He definitely illustrates his point very well! Hahaha. Love Alice's speech - it's a heads up for Breaking Dawn Part 2! Loving every words from Esme and I was deeply touched by that. That was so sweet.

Now, let's add up some Jacob.
Hot, hot, hot!
For a long lost guy who spends most of his time 4-legged, he sure looks perfect. Sigh. Who can forget his expression every time he sees Bella? He had that look from New Moon [the scene where he ran cheerfully towards Bella] What's not to love about it.. except that he is Jacob, of course. The scene was perfect. It is heart crushing to have your best friend saying goodbye to you as if you're soon to be dead to him. I nearly cry to the sound of Bella's heart beat. You see, that is what Edward and Jacob been fighting for in the Saga - to keep her heart beating.

There's not much to watch during the honeymoon - thank you Lord! I believe everyone notice/know that the first time was clearly cut and we only got to see what's in Bella's mind the next morning. Just to let you know, Bella's dream and the second time were cut without even a glimpse here in Malaysia - if you don't know what I mean, please go and get the book. So that leaves the honeymoon with their normal activities :P Isle Esme was wonderful, almost similar to what I imagine.
Bella's human time was fun to watch.
The beach scene was not convincing.
Edward and Bella playing chess scene was hilarious! Hahaha. It's something Jacob [suppose to] said in the book, but the dialogue did not make it into the movie ;)
Shocking Edward was weird... Sigh. Robert, Robert, Robert... What were you thinking, honey~

It was interesting to see the Saga from Jacob's perspective. All the while we never really understand what's happening inside his mind. We love the pack, but we never really listen to their side of the story. It was fascinating to see how their minds were connected and to see how they were compelled to obey Sam's order. I agree with you Jacob, to have no privacy for your mind is suck. I feel terribly sad for Leah. It would be a never ending nightmare to share thoughts with your ex, especially when he is happy with the girl he imprinted on: "being any kind of happy is better than being miserable about someone you can't have". That's an ouch. The imprinting scene was the best illustration from Book of Jacob. I am forever curious about the imprinting stuff, what it feels like, what ties a person to another person: "It's like, gravity. Your whole center shifts. Suddenly it's not the earth holding you here. You would do anything, be anything she needs. A friend, a brother, a protector".

Pregnant Bella really, really, really looked sick. It's like all her health was suck away from her - literally. I like how they directed the scene where Jacob arrives at Cullen's mansion to find Bella pregnant. The angst in Jacob, the ever so protective Rosalie, the helplessness in Edward, Alice, Jasper, Emmet, Esme and Carlisle - were all well illustrated into the movie. Though, I feel like Edward and Jacob's conversation was a bit tasteless. Edward did not look as devastated as pictured by Jacob in the book: "This was the face a man would have if he were burning at the stake". Just saying. I am also surprise the "Bella can have puppies if she want" dialogue did not make it. That would make a huge statement. Hahaha.

There are two more scenes that did not survive for Malaysia: 1) Rosalie helping Bella bathing and Edward saw bruises on Bella's back, and 2) the birth of Renesmee - I've checked, the birth scene was similar to the book. The absence of the birth scene is my major disappointment for Breaking Dawn. I know the scene would not survive that much, but I never expected that the frames would jump that far. They could have made it more reasonable. Sigh! If I am unhappy about it, the non readers must have felt worse. Luckily, Bella's transformation was breathtaking. Instead of making the audiences feel the agony from Bella's perspective, they made the transformation beautiful. From the dead Bella to the 'living' Bella. The inclusion of Bella's memory brings mix of emotions, bittersweet kind of feeling and to ends it with the image of young Charlie and Renee holding baby Bella mark a significant start. Forever has begun.

From Twilight until Breaking Dawn Part 1, I see changes in Edward. Good changes. Fans did not like it very much, because he is suppose to stays the same forever. But I like it. Change is good. Despite the fact that Edward is frozen at 17, everything around him moves forward. Edward would agree with me, that the moment he found Bella, everything in his life changed. It is pleasing to see that from a lonely boy with cool hair style he has transformed to a man. A married man. That makes him human in my eyes <3

Besides the wedding, my favorite scene for Breaking Dawn Part 1 is the conversation between Edward and Bella below. It was a simple scene, but it leaves mark on my heart. I favor this scene because Edward and Bella look like a normal maried couple, not the Edward and Bella. They are just another married couple fighting for what's left in their relationship. No matter whom you are, human or not, you must commit and fight to make things work. Love requires compassion.

Edward Cullen: I'm sorry I've been so angry.
Bella Swan: I would be too.
Edward Cullen: I've left you alone in this.
Bella Swan: Marriage!
Edward Cullen: Well, they say the first year is the hardest.

Overall, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 is awesome and wonderful. I got a feeling that having Stephanie Meyer as the producer is the secret ingredient. Loving you, Bill Condon! I'm not sure if you're a Twilighter, but you sure succeeded in putting the pieces together. You don't have to watch Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse to understand Breaking Dawn. It's all there. For Malaysians, please be informed that you'll feel (or must have felt) a little bit lost due to the cuts. But we have cleaner cuts for Breaking Dawn compare to Eclipse. You won't know what's missing, unless you're a Twilighter, who know details of the movie :p

Here and there, pieces of The Saga were brought together in Breaking Dawn, both from the books and previous 3 movies. Mostly from Twilight. As we all know, there were many details being omitted from the book or changed for the movie. Carlisle's cross is one bold statement that brought us all back to the day we started reading Twilight and the day we fall in love with the Saga. Edward's character was not properly introduced in Twilight, so they made a flashback scene where he got a chance to tell more about himself. We can see Edward lost in his thought in the wedding shoes scene. We wonder what was in his mind. The flashback is the answer. Furthermore, to include Sia's My Love during the wedding also brilliant. My Love was the background song when Edward proposes to Bella in Eclipse. Emotionally you're remembering the sweet moment.

Carter Burwell, we're glad to have you back with The Saga. Love, Death, Birth is perfect for Breaking Dawn Part 1 and to have the composition played as the opening for the movie is brilliant. Suddenly you're tuned into the mood. The composition speaks where words could not explain and you can feel the emotion flowing through you. You can understand Jacob's rage, both Edward and Bella's feeling and the best part: Bella's transformation. The touch of Bella's Lullaby is just nice to recall your memories of Twilight and refreshed our memory of how forever begins. The Saga is all about sacrifices, fights and the will to do something for the one we love - that is just what Love, Death, Birth is all about.

So that's all I got to say about Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 ^____^ Another year to wait!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Wedding Dress and Shoes

This is crazy. A total absurd. How could I let myself be in this situation? I know, I am losing my mind. Yes, that's right.
Edward is one thing.
But the wedding dress?
And the shoes?!
Thankfully, I still have some sanity in me.This is me drooling over Bella's wedding dress and shoes...

Here for the shoes, Manolo Blahnik Swan Embellished Satin Pump. It cost USD 1295! And here for the wedding dress replica for USD 799. Alfred Angelo is the ONLY bridal manufacturer licensed to create Bella's bridal gown... just for us!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011



Zulhijjah semakin beranjak ke penghujungnya dan Muharram 1433H semakin menghampiri. Sudah tercapaikah azam 1432H dan sudahkah difikir-fikirkan azam tahun baru 1433H?

"Hablumminallah Wa Hablumminannas"
Hubungan baik dengan Allah dan hubungan baik dengan manusia. Aku selalu percaya kepada konsep ini. Kalau seorang manusia itu menjaga hubungannya dengan Allah dengan baik, InshaAllah, hubungannya dengan manusia pun akan baik juga. Sebaliknya, jika hubungan dengan Allah pun ala kadar, apa cerita pula dengan sesama manusia... Konsepnya sama dengan hubungan ibu dan anak seperti yang disebut dalam entri sebelum ini. Malah ini lebih penting, ini hubungan dengan Allah. Maha Pencipta. Al-Khaliq. Maha Bijaksana. Pemilik Cinta dan Kasih Sayang. Yang Abadi.

Jadi apa kata bersempena dengan tahun baru 1433H yang bakal tiba (dan juga Januari 2012), kita tekadkan salah satu daripada azam kita adalah untuk memperbaiki kualiti hubungan kita dengan Allah dan sesama manusia. Walaupun ringkas bunyi perkataannya, tapi dengan penghayatan, besar maknanya. Kemudian, berazamlah dengan azam-azam baik yang lain. Semoga kita semua menjadi manusia yang lebih baik daripada semalam.

Selamat Tahun Baru, Wassalam~

Nota: Terasa sedikit asing menulis mengenai azam dan tahun baru ketika diambang November. Perasaannya pun sedikit berbeza. Selama ni kehadiran Muharram disedari kerana cuti, bukan kerana semangatnya. Padahal secara fitrahnya Muharramlah yang patut dinanti dan dirai. Jadi pada penghujung 1432H ini, aku berazam untuk mula menyambut Muharram dengan semangat yang sepatutnya ^____^

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


“The important thing is not what we look like, but the role we play in our best friend’s life. Friends choose certain friends because that’s the kind of company they are looking for at that specific time, not because they’re the correct height, age, or have the right hair color” ― Cecelia Ahern, If You Could See Me Now

I am very much thankful for each friend I have for every stage of my life. In my great time or worst.

Though sometime it is hard to understand why they do what they did, I always believe that they mean no harm. They must have seen a better outcome. It's a friend's instinct to protect another friend. That's what we do - we protect our friend, from being hurt.

Thank you.

Tahniah Harimau Muda!

"Kalau engkau jatuh
Jangan engkau lemah
Kerana hidup mengajar kita
Jangan cepat mengalah
Bina yakin diri
Mampu kita lakukan
Tiada yang mustahil
Segalanya boleh
Kita bergandingan meraikan

Gemuruh suara
Jadi bangsa berjaya
Gemuruh perkasa
Bawah satu bendera
Nama kita bina
Diseluruh benua rasa bangga
Genggam amanat wira
Julang panji Malaysia"


[Memetik FB Sham Kamikaze] Alhamdulillah, Allah izinkan kemenangan skuad Harimau Muda di Stadium Gelora Bung Karno malam tadi... Tahniah kepada skuad Harimau Muda - kepada jurulatih, pegawai sokongan, para pemain - you guys rock!

Pingat Emas acara bola sepak ini sememangnya ibu segala pingat. Terasanya macam Malaysia menang keseluruhan Sukan SEA. Terasa terbayar semua penat lelah dan berbaloi semua layanan buruk sepanjang berada di temasya Sukan SEA ke-26 di Indonesia. Skuad Harimau Muda turun umpama ke medan perang - dengan jentera serangan, pertahan, strategi, pasukan kecergasan dan Barracuda! <-- "Barracuda" mestilah disebut dengan penuh bergaya dan seksi~ [Memetik FB Wardina Safiyya] Bola sepak malam tadi bukan hanya semata-mata sukan, ia juga menyatukan.

Sayu sungguh hati melihat Ong Kim Swee berlari comel ke arah pemain Malaysia saat Baddrol Bakhtiar menyempurnakan sepakan penalti kemenangan Malaysia. Oh jurulatih yang seorang ini memang beremosi. Rasa macam nak berlari sekali dengan beliau. Tak mengapalah Ong, walaupun diberi kad, walaupun terpaksa lepak dengan Shabery Cheek di belakang, walaupun Ref alasengal, walaupun pelbagai siri sinetron kita lihat atas padang, walaupun dilayan secara tidak sepatutnya, walaupun diserang doping team yang agaknya nak buat test kat tepi padang tu jugak, tapi Malaysia telah menang. Diulangi, MALAYSIA MENANG! Lepas ni Ong boleh senyum sedikit yer :D

Seronok membaca status FB hari ni. Semuanya merakamkan detik-detik cemas 120 minit plus penentuan penalti. Bertambah seronok juga melihat ramai yang memakai jersi Malaysia. Bola sepak Malaysia ada masanya mengecewakan. Tapi hari ini adalah hari untuk berbangga dengan Tigers sekelian. Jadi aku pun berbaju kuning - tak sempat nak beli jersi Malaysia sama ada yang kuning, biru, mahupun Panthera Team Malaysia :p Jersi yang aku ada hanyalah jersi Arsenal, tu pun dari zaman belajar. Hehehe~

Bak kata Zainal Abidin Hassan, kalau kita tak boleh menang, jangan kalah. Fuh sungguh dalam maksud lagenda tersebut. Mungkin itu yang Tigers buat malam tadi - tidak kalah. Memang sakit hati bila Garuda memungut mata pertama perlawanan seawal minit ke-5. Rasa menurun juga semangat. Mujur la Tigers sekelian tak mengalah awal. Jadi gol Asra pada minit ke-33 memang keramat yang memberi harapan untuk Malaysia - kita belum kalah. So they fight. Ikutkan hati, tak kira la hati siapa pun, memang tak mahu sampai 120 minit perlawanan. Apatah lagi penentuan penalti. Akibat terlalu cemas, sepanjang penentuan penalti aku berdiri melekat di dinding rumah. Hahahahahaha. Rasa sikit kecewa bila Bonai berjaya, rasa macam tak percaya si Fakri begitu, rasa seronok bila Gunawan gagal, rasa hebat bila Fahmi berjaya selamatkan tendangan Ferdinand dan rasa wow wow wah bila tendangan Baddrol slomo je masuk ke gawang Garuda.

Tepi, tepi! Saya pun nak berlari-lari!
Bergegar rumah sewa dengan jeritan kemenangan. Rumah sebelah siap bakar bunga api yer. Sayu dan bangga bila lagu Negaraku berkumandang di Gelora Bung Karno. Negaraku, tanah tumpahnya darahku. Rakyat hidup bersatu dan maju. Rahmat bahagia Tuhan kurniakan. Raja kita selamat bertakhta.

Menang atau kalah, ada satu perkara yang aku nak sampaikan kepada FAM. Tolonglah buat sesuatu dengan stamina pemain kita. Bonai tu segar bugar cergas sampai ke akhirnya sedangkan pemain kita pancit. Rasanya aku tak layak nak komen pretasi Tigers malam tadi, they know better. Ref, sinetron dan apa sekalipun bukan alasan.

Well done Tigers!

Nota: Sangat sukalah dengan replay gol Asra dan Baddrol. Timeless! Guys are only allowed to run like kids, hug each other and cry in football ;)


Monday, November 21, 2011

Anticipating Breaking Dawn - Part 2

"Charlie, I realize that I’ve gone about this out of order. Traditionally, I should have asked you first. I mean no disrespect, but since Bella has already said yes and I don’t want to diminish her choice in the matter, instead of asking you for her hand, I’m asking for your blessing. We’re getting married, Charlie. I love her more than anything in the world, more than my own life, and – by some miracle – she loves me that way, too. Will you give us your blessing?"
Edward Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 1, p.15

"For just an instant, listening to the absolute confidence in his voice, I experienced a rare moment of insight. I could see, fleetingly, the way the world looked to him."
Bella Swan, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 1, p.15

I see Bella and Edward twirling on their wedding day as I am listening to the wedding version of Iron & Wine's "Flightless Bird, American Mouth". The book never mention their wedding song, and there would be no other songs as perfect as "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" for the event. Bella and Edward danced to this song on their prom - it was specifically chosen by Kristen Stewart, so I heard. Bella’s foot was encased in plaster and Edward... I think that was the only prom Edward ever attended. In addition, if you listen to the original version and then the wedding version, you'd sense the transition between Edward and Bella's relationship from "prom" into "wedding". So yes, I agree with Robert Pattinson that Breaking Dawn Part 1 do have Twilight mood in it.

"I’ve been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan."
Edward Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 2, p.28

"Let me introduce you to my wife."
Edward Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 4, p.54

"Enjoying the party, Mrs. Cullen?"
Edward Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 4, p.55

Finally, Edward would officially be a married man. *sigh!*
It doesn't feel that real when it stays in book. Hahaha. My Twilight Saga journey seems to calm down a bit on the wedding day. After 3 books - convincing Edward that "it doesn't matter" even if the lion falls in love with the lamb, crying my heart out over his "no" answer, jumped off the cliff then fly half the world to save him and finally accepting the proposal [that makes me smile the whole season] - my heart can have a rest in Breaking Dawn. It is not easy to handle the rush of feelings... Well, that was before I realized there would be a baby girl involve!

What I want to see - there are so many! Splitting Breaking Dawn into two parts is brilliant. It is a long and heavy book. I took extra time to finish it. Because of that, we need Renesmee to cheer up Breaking Dawn Part 2. After all, nobody can escape from her charm ^_____^
So before we get to the toughest part, let's just enjoy the first half of everything:

- The "before" car!
- Edward and Bella breaking the wedding news to Charlie
- Bella breaking the wedding news to Renee
- Alice's wedding preparation
- The wedding!
- Pregnant Bella
- Edward

While Bella hated her "before" car and misses her truck, human population is awed by it. It is a Mercedes S600 Guard, Bella darling. A Mercedes S600 Guard.

Billy Burke played his part very well in previous movies. I can't imagine other actor being Charlie. I really want to see Charlie's reaction upon receiving the news. You know, the part when Bella explain how Charlie changes colors. Haha. That scene can be awesome! Other than that, I hope more Charlie - Bella's moments would survive. They were timeless, especially the part when Charlie sits down and realized that Bella's wedding is in few hours... As a clueless parent who love his daughter so much and hating the boyfriend at the same time, handing Bella's hand for marriage is the hardest thing for Charlie.

Renee was portrayed as a teenage-adult all the while. But I was really touched by her response for Bella's decision to marry Edward. I am hoping to see that motherly advice and comfort in Breaking Dawn Part 1. Considering the wedding was number one than boiling live puppies, I think that Renee must have suppressed her intelligence under her childish personality :p And of course I want to see Renee holding on to Phil's arm and holding Charlie's hand while sending Bella.

A wedding requires perfection and to have a psychic as your wedding planner is a bonus! Nothing could go wrong in Alice's hands. But any wedding planner would have a hard time working with a bride named Bella. Haha. I expect to have fun watching Alice preparing Bella for her wedding. Imagine her bossing Bella and Charlie to comply with her plan.... actually she'll be bossing everybody. *wink* In the book, Rosalie chip in and help with Bella's hair. I really, really hope they would keep this part and gives Rosalie a chance to make things up with Bella [Yes, this scene made up into the movie! Yeay~].

Here comes the important part - the wedding reception. The production must make sure they got this one scene right. The wedding scene - as soon as Bella walk down the stairs until she found Edward and reach the altar - was pictured perfectly in the book. Two major challenges would be to depict the Bella's feeling and mood and to transport the set out from the book into the screen.
Wedding is the most important day for a girl. Bella’s decision to marry Edward Cullen make the day bigger than anything in the world. A girl is letting go everything in her life for one love. Her decision gives a whole new meaning to starting a new life after marriage. They must make us feel the "my world, which had been upside down for so long now, seemed to settle into its proper position" sensation.

I'm not going to elaborate the honeymoon scene. I am pretty sure people are looking forward for this a little bit too much. And I am damn sure the production team know what they need to do :p So let's skip everything and proceed with pregnant Bella. In the book, this part is seen through Jacob's perception - you're in his head, using his words. Reading through Jacob's is very much interesting, especially his perception towards Edward. Bella sees Edward as her world, but Jacob sees Edward as Edward - the enemy, the one guy who had steal his love and now going to get her killed. For a moment, passing the saga to Jacob seems brilliant. It releases us from all the Bella-Edward-lovey-dovey. For that short moment, we get to see what we never see and we get to understand Jacob more. Should I expect something from this movie?

Since Jacob got to share his perception, then it would be great to see the Edward Cullen from Jacob's point of view. Furthermore, it is not only Edward, this is Edward in his most hopeless, lifeless and worst situation. Team Edward would understand it with their soul, but can Team Jacob be fair to this guy? I really hope the production would show something new through Breaking Dawn Part 1. We love Edward, but we want to see more of his side, and Jacob too.

I am counting the minutes and seconds for 24th November. Rotten Tomatoes rated Breaking Dawn Part 1 as 28% with "Slow, joyless, and loaded with unintentionally humorous moments, Breaking Dawn Part 1 may satisfy the Twilight faithful, but it's strictly for fans of the franchise" comment. Ya, ya , ya. I can't blame them. Twilight Saga sits in its own class and not many can understand it :p

If Christina Perri's "Thousand Years" speaks for Bella, I find Sleeping at Last's "Turning Page" to speak for Edward. So I'm leaving you with the song as I'm getting ready to attend Edward and Bella's wedding reception. Will I see you there? ^_____^

Note: I'm dedicating this song to Oppa. May one day you'll find a girl worth to fall in love to and she'll be the turning page of your life <3!

Turning Page
by Sleep at Last

I’ve waited a hundred years.
But I’d wait a million more for you.
Nothing prepared me for
What the privilege of being yours would do.

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch,
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush,
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough,
I would have known what I was living for all along.
What I’ve been living for.

Your love is my turning page,
Where only the sweetest words remain.
Every kiss is a cursive line,
Every touch is a redefining phrase.

I surrender who I’ve been for who you are,
For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours,
Well, I would have known what I’ve been living for all along.
What I’ve been living for.

Though we’re tethered to the story we must tell,
When I saw you, well, I knew we’d tell it well.
With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas.
Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Worth to Live Through


Plato said: "Courage is knowing what not to fear".

We have questions, we demand for clarifications and we have the need to feed the curiosity. But would asking the questions and getting the answers make any difference? Would knowing what we want to know sufficient to our soul? How much would we sacrifice and how far we would risk for an answer? Would it worth losing as much as much it is worth winning? On the other hand, what's wrong with not knowing? What's wrong with not knowing the answer? Everything comes with a price. Are you willing to pay the amount? Can you afford it? Would you even care to check the price tag?

If you have a question, if you need a clarification, if you are so curious to know, you must ask yourself - what are you getting from the answer? Take your time to think deeper and more rationale. You need to listen to your heart, but you must use your brain. Some questions are better left unspoken - because it would not make any differences, because you won't be able to accept the answer, because you'll need to risk everything you have, because it is not worth losing or winning. Think - am I prepared for what's coming after this? It is pointless to regret when it is too late. You can't undo what's been said.

Lies are easy to hear, truths are hard to handle. Which one do you prefer? How many of us rather live with lies than to accept the truth? So we say that lies only hurt you, truths kill. But wait until the truth hits you. Truths and lies, live and die... What's the different between living a lie than die?
Truth is more painful than lie and betrayal joined together because we know that is the reality, because it is solid and because we know nothing would change the fact. But truths give us closure. A period. A reason to start a new beginning. To move on. You need to finish a chapter to complete a story.

Always prepare yourself for the worst case scenario. You must know your limit. Are you strong enough? Decide when you are done with your reasoning. Not before you're clear about everything. Don't step forward into a game you know you can't survive. Love yourself and consider the people who care about you. Never participate in a suicidal mission. Do not be an idiot who breakdown meaninglessly.

An anonymous said: "Being strong does not mean avoiding the truth. It means accepting it, learning about it, and dealing with it head on". So no matter how rough life is, no matter how hurt you are, no matter how unpleasant things are, be strong. If you stumble, get up and continue walking. Take your time to accept the hard times, learn from life and deal with whatever challenges you might have in life. If it going to be tough, makes sure it is worth to live through.


Monday, November 7, 2011

Anticipating Breaking Dawn

The most anticipated wedding is just around the corner! I am frustrated for not being able to join Esme and Renee for the wedding preparation. And I am mostly sad to let Alice have all the fun by herself :p What can I say… life is a little bit too busy lately. I don’t even get the chance to follow on the progress of the movie – I don’t know the gossips or the hot stuff. I am the worst Twilighters. Sigh~

Finally, this is coming to an end – the good end. We are going to see what we’ve been imagining all this while – the wedding dress, the old comb, the wedding reception, Alice’s dress, Isle Esme… And with the confirmation of Rob and Kristen’s relationship, there are so much more to anticipate!

Writing this entry with Christina Perri’s “A Thousand Years” playing on the background, I have to say that Twilight is no longer about a charming vampire name Edward and a clumsy human girl named Bella falling in love with each other. It is funny when after all these years, my perception has changed. I too had fall in love with Edward. But the more I read, the more I watch, the more I see that it is all about a woman’s decision.

I have the same question as Edward had few years back – how can Bella be too sure about their relationship? How can she just made up her mind to trade off everything and go against the whole world? Love is not the answer, even for an Edward. We made stupid and reckless decision in the name love… but it is the why part that we can’t explain. We feel it and hope that others will eventually understand the feeling.

“I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more”

A woman’s heart is not something you can learn from books or psychology theories. She has her own mind. She doesn’t do stupid stuff unless she can reason it well.

“And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more”

Some of us are characters from books; some of us are just readers.

A Thousand Years
By Christina Perri

Heartbeats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
One step closer
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

Friday, November 4, 2011

The Women We Love


The song entitles "Women I Love" by Zain Bhikha.
It is such a lovely song. It touches my heart and made me cry.
Women are love as a mother, a wife, a daughter and a sister. No matter how independent and strong we are, women are still delicate creature - like a fragile butterfly. And all a woman need is a guy in this song. A guy who understand that women are gift from Allah. A guy who would love, value, and cherish his mother, his wife, his daughter and his sister.

I am sure you've heard this - when you're looking for a future husband, pay attention to how he value his mother. If he treats his mother well, then he is a good guy. If he doesn't, then you know... I truly agree with that statement. Why? Because I could not imagine what kind of guy that did not value a woman who gave birth to him. If he can't appreciate his mother, what is the guarantee that he would appreciate a wife and a daughter?

Guys, some of you might find the statement unfair. But wouldn't you want to sleep better at night, knowing that your sister and daughter are in good hands? Be the guy you would want your sister and daughter to marry.

The best appreciation a guy could give to a woman is by being grateful and by thanking Allah for giving him the woman in his life.


Women I Love
By Zain Bhikha

For as long as, I remember
You were there for me
A young woman, growing older
But always mum to me
My heaven lies under your feet

Now I look at you and there's a few more, wrinkles and lines
But I still see the same beautiful smile
And it hurts to know someday the light will fade from your eyes
Cos you're the woman I love
You're the woman I love, my mother
You're the woman I love

Life just passes by
a fragile butterfly
I thank Allah to have you by my side

It seemed my heart beat, a little faster
The day I held your hand
We were young then, learning together
To love and understand,
You helped me to be who I am

Now after all these years, I look at you, my beautiful bride
My whole life is right there in your eyes
And Allah allows me every day to wake up with your smile
‘cos you’re the woman I love
You're the woman I love, my wife
You're the woman I love

Life just passes by
a fragile butterfly
I thank Allah to have you by my side

How could I, describe the feeling
of holding you that day
From the moment, of your first breath
You stole my heart away,
There’s nothing about you I’d change

Now I will stand by you, as you spread your wings, in this great big world
But you’ll always be my little girl
And I pray Allah will keep me by your side long enough for you to learn
That you’re the woman I love
You're the woman I love, my daughter
You're the woman I love

Cos Life will pass us by
you are my fragile butterfly
I thank Allah to have you by my side

The greatest blessing
That I have
Are the women in my life…

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Penghujung Pencarian

"If someone wants to be a part of your life, they'll make an effort to be in it. So don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay."
(Credit to Lovely Afifah for her ever inspiring FB status)


Macam sangat suka lagu "Penghujung Cintaku" ni ^_____^ Jadi entri kali ni ditujukan khas kepada semua yang telah tiba di penghujung mencari cinta; iaitu perkahwinan.

I think I like this song so much because of "tiba diriku di penghujung mencari cinta" phrase. We talk more about first love, we want to experience the first love, we value first love more than anything...

Anybody can have that first love. I'm done with it :p
Sekarang, aku cuma mahu jadi penghujung pencarian cinta seseorang ^____^


Penghujung Cintaku
Pasha ft. Adel

Berakhir sudah pencarian cintaku
Jiwa ini tak lagi sepi, hati ini tlah ada yang miliki
Tiba diriku di penghujung mencari cinta
Diri ini tak lagi sepi, kini aku tak sendiri

Aku akan menikahimu, aku akan menjagamu
Ku kan selalu di sisimu seumur hidupmu
Aku akan menyayangimu, ku kan setia kepadamu
Ku kan selalu di sisimu seumur hidupmu

Tiba diriku di penghujung mencari cinta
Hati ini tak lagi sepi, kini aku tak sendiri

Aku akan menyayangimu, ku kan setia kepadamu (kepadamu)
Ku kan selalu di sisimu seumur hidupmu
Aku akan menikahimu, oh aku akan menjagamu
Ku kan selalu di sisimu seumur hidupmu

Ku kan selalu di sisimu seumur hidupmu

Monday, October 31, 2011

Another End


"When we don’t get what we want, always remember that we ALWAYS get what we NEED."

31st October 2011, the last day of Q4'11. The end of one busy and hectic quarter - it's the end of FY'11. Pheww!

Finally done with the White Belt project - successfully submitted! This is the first time I really work on the slides and I am proud of myself ^____^ I'd like to thank Puan Lili for giving me the opportunity to join this project and for trusting me to do the documentation. And special thank to Hajjah Latifah for her guidance and patience - without her, we would be floating in a wide ocean ;) hehehe~ What we need is just one chance.

"Take the Opportunity!"
Yes, what we need is just one chance - to see and to show what we can do. I was given a fair opportunity and I am glad that I took it. This is the time to ask: If I could, would I do it my best?

As my diary run out of pages, I bought a new one. I feel almost impatient to start writing in the new diary. I thought, if only life is as easy as that - when all you have is a melodrama, stop it, burn it and begin with new story. If only. Running away did not solve anything. Sooner or later we will have to face it. Why wait if you can get it done now? Maybe you need some space - to breathe or incubate the problem. But don't make it forever. The more you wait, the more you're losing your luck.
Starting a new diary (or tearing off the pages) will not undo what had happened. What's written is written. What's been said has been said. Be reasonable and don't lose your marble. The events in our life have the ability to change who we are. And the only thing life should do is to make us be a better and stronger person... not the opposite. Good times will come and go. Hard times will come to an end. If you can be patient, you'll see that you can make it through. No matter how hard, no matter how hopeless.

It's already end of October. 2 months more before 2012. 2 more months being a 28 year old pretty woman :P This year feel long yet time move so fast.
It's a good thing when you feel time move faster around you. That mean you have utilized every second you have. I like it that way. Not that I dislike having extra time. It's not how much time you have, but how you spent it. Extra time is still useless if it is waste on something unworthy. Being busy is good. Being too busy, on the other hand, is bad for your health. It is weird, but being busy most of the time is a blessing for me. When I am busy with real stuff, I don't have time to spend worrying un-real stuff. Get the point? ^_____^ Hehehe.

"The broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out"

xoxo, take care.


Friday, October 21, 2011

Words Words Words

"And words are all I have
To take you heart away...."


Say what you mean and mean what you say. That is my policy. I feel that it is a waste of breath to say something you never mean and I do have issue with people who say stuff they never really mean. Big issue, huge.

On top of my assassination list is the people who is totally aware that they don't mean a crap of what they say and they say it just for their own convenient. They are the manipulator. If sugar is sweet, they are far sweeter than that. Insulin can't neutralize them. They can easily deny whatever said and call it a misunderstood.

Next - a type of human being who is brave enough to say something, to provoke or to give hints, and but later become a coward over their own words. This kind of people usually doesn’t explain - they don't say that it was a misunderstood; they don't even say that they mean no harm. They made it like that nothing happened and just turn around 180 degrees and started to use different term and vocabulary with you - maybe one day you'll get their point!

Then there is a kind of people who fail to evaluate the choice of words/phrase they use onto others and the possible outcome. Their words flow like a waterfall and hit everything in the way. When the response received is pleasing, they feel lucky. But when the response is not per expected, they say they never mean any harm. Bla, bla, bla.

If you can't become the man of your words, then it would be the best to be silent ('man' referring to 'human'). Even Prophet Muhammad said so. You can't imagine how much damage words can do.


Sunday, September 25, 2011

Searching for Balance


While watching "Eat, Pray, Love", I thought I have never find myself so trap that I need to travel around the world in search for peace. I mean I do travel. But I travel towards family and friends, not opposite of them. Family and friends are my source of energy. They keep me balanced. I don't know what will happen without them.

Being around them (family and friends) reminded me to people who treasure me; sincerely need me in their life and relying on me. They remind me that as much as I want to give up living and break down alone in a corner, I have people and hearts to consider. I have responsibility to fulfill. And the most important thing - I already have the greatest love of the world.

Let's forget the sadness in our heart. Put a period into it. Life is an adventure and let’s takes this challenge. If you can't stay, if you can't find the exit door here, find Liz in yourself and go further in your search. Never ever give up.

Note: Find HIM, you'll find your balance.




One of the ways to handle messiness in life is by organizing anything tangible around it. It is better compare to retail therapy (which can make you broke) or comfort food (which can make you fat). I need fresh air for my mind to works at maximum speed and to get fresh air, I need a very clear, organized and clean space. I could not think properly in topsy-turvy environment.

This is similar to Kinki in "Needing You..." or Elizabeth Egan in "If You Could See Me Now". Both Kinki and Elizabeth have the tendency to deal with their life issue by scrubbing the floor and rearranging their stuff. When I 'meet' Kinki, I am too young to have issue in my life and when I bump into Elizabeth, I already have too many issue to deal with :p I like the metaphor behind this act. Life is messy, so we arrange it. Life is stuffy, so we clear it. Life is too much on you, you scrub it sparkly clean!

Any therapy - going for [window]shopping, eating our favorite food, cleaning the house, making crafts, going for a walk, sleep, etc. - are an initiative to unconsciously motivate ourselves and to ease the clogging veins and twisted nerves. It symbolized control - when we're dealing (or fire-fighting) with stuff we don't have control on. The idea is to make aware that life is not totally suck, and there are parts of it that we can hold in our hands.

Life is challenging but there's always an exit door. Giving up will not solve anything, in fact it could kill your soul. Keep on fighting!

Note: I feel like scrubbing all surfaces until they sparkle.


Friday, September 16, 2011



Our heart always has something that she desires. But we don't usually get what we want. Instead, we get what we need. And, what we want is not necessarily what we need. It could get twisted there and when it does, it gives our heart a hard time.

The hardest part is to see it coming and to accept the fact that you are not getting what you expect to get. The second hardest thing is to let it go. They say it all started with a dream, but sometime we would wish to have never fallen asleep...

Now that would be a silly mistake. Instead of wishing the past never happen, it is better to focus on what's happening today. The future is not ours to see. So we should use every precious time we plan to spend worrying about future, by living well and by putting effort for a better tomorrow.

The constant pain, the uneasy feeling, the heartbreak, it will eventually subside and will go away. What's not ours is not ours. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. Accept it and move on.


Monday, September 12, 2011

Cerita Hujan


Hujan lebat malam tadi buat aku teringatkan Tok dan kehidupan ketika di kampung, Kedai Empat. Rumah tempat aku dibesarkan adalah sebuah rumah pusaka dengan suasana kampung. Bukan macam rumah kampung sekarang yang bersuasana moden, laman rumah Tok tidak diturap. It's dirt. Kalau berhadapan dengan musim hujan, ataupun hujan sepanjang minggu, pasti halaman rumah jadi becak / lecak ('lecah' mengikut setempat). Jadi papan-papan disusun dari tangga rumah merentasi kawasan tengah halaman ke kawasan yang lebih kering.

Masa bersekolah rendah aku menaiki basikal. Biasanya bila sampai ke sekolah mesti ada kesan lumpur di mana-mana bahagian baju aku. Pernah juga gara-gara tergopoh-gapah, terus slide dengan basikal ke dalam lumpur. Hahahaha. Kemudian bila bersekolah menengah, lain pula ceritanya... Masalahnya sekarang ialah kasut sekolah aku selalu comot dengan lumpur. Tok selalu kata aku ni cemerkap dan tidak hati-hati melintasi titi di tengah halaman. Sebagai penyelesaian, setiap kali hujan, kasut sekolah yang aku pakai akan dibalut dengan beg plastik. Ala-ala masuk makmal~ :P

Sambil mendengar bunyi hujan yang kian lebat, hati terasa sayu... Sejak Mak meninggal dan sejak tinggal berasingan dengan Tok, hidup terasa sunyi seolah-olah bersendirian. Hidup sekadar rutin dan tanggungjawab. Tiada yang kurang, cuma ada yang kehilangan.

I need a home, a place where my heart can go home to rest... And without both of them, or one of them, I feel like I have nowhere to go... There's no home~


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Perutusan Aidilfitri 1432H




Semoga Allah pertemukan kita dengan Ramadhan yang seterusnya....


Friday, August 26, 2011

Mencari Hidayah

"Sesungguhnya engkau (wahai Muhammad) tidak berkuasa memberi hidayah pertunjuk kepada sesiapa yang engkau kasihi (supaya ia menerima Islam), tetapi Allah jualah yang berkuasa memberi hidayah pertunjuk kepada sesiapa yang dikehendakiNya (menurut undang-undang peraturanNya) dan Dialah jua yang lebih mengetahui akan orang-orang yang (ada persediaan untuk) mendapat hidayah pertunjuk (kepada memeluk Islam)."
(Al-Qasas; 56)


Hidayah itu milik Allah. Hatta Rasulullah sendiri meminta kepada Allah, apatah lagi kita... Aku jadi risau melihat komen-komen serta kecaman sesama umat Islam sejak akhir-akhir ini. Memanglah, hati dan mata sakit. Memanglah, kita yang tahu perlu untuk menyampaikan kepada yang kurang tahu, lebih lagi kepada yang tidak tahu. Kita menyampaikan kekecewaan, kita memberi teguran. Tapi semuanya ada cara yang lebih baik dari sudut pandangan Islam.

Bila seorang hamba Allah lain tidak mengamalkan cara hidup Islam, sepatutnya kita fikirkan kemungkinan dan bukan terus menjatuhkan hukuman. Boleh jadi sipolan tidak mendapat didikan agama yang menjadi haknya. Boleh jadi juga Allah mengujinya dengan jalan yang berliku-liku, supaya sipolan menjadi hambaNya yang lebih baik. Boleh jadi sipolan memang tidak sedar akan kejahilannya. Boleh jadi juga sipolan itu satu ujian untuk kita – provokasi supaya kita berfikir. Ada pelbagai kemungkinan.

Segalanya datang bersama ujian. Hidup ini juga satu ujian. Setiap dari kita diuji dengan pelbagai cara yang berbeza dan setiap dariNya adalah penuh hikmah dan sesuai dengan kemampuan kita. Ilmu yang kita ada pun satu ujian untuk kita. Layakkah kita memalukan, menjatuhkan maruah, dan menghakimi sesama manusia dengan ilmu milik Allah - bila kita juga hanyalah seorang hamba? Dakwah perlu berhikmah dan kekerasan jika tidak kena pada caranya, tidak menyampaikan sebarang kebaikan.

Teringatkan doa Rasullah: “Ya Allah, muliakanlah Islam dengan salah seorang dari dua Umar; dengan Umar Al-Khathab atau dengan Amr bin Hisham (Abu Jahal).” (HR At-Tirmidzi). Lalu Allah mengabulkan doa Baginda dengan keislaman Umar Al-Khattab.

Tentangan terhadap Islam dan isu akhlak pada awal perjuangan Islam lebih hebat dan dasyat daripada yang kita lihat hari ini. Tapi Rasulullah tidak pernah memberikan komen-komen yang merendahkan sesiapapun. Malah Rasulullah mendoakan semoga mereka beroleh hidayah Allah.

Apa salahnya kita pun mencontohi Rasulullah... Daripada kita mencemuh, lebih baik kita mendoakan semoga mereka dan diri kita juga beroleh hidayah Allah. Hidayah Allah itu amat besar dan Allah itu Maha Pengampun. Selagi belum ajal, tiada apa yang pasti. Dan kita akan diuji dengan apa yang kita katakan dan apa yang kita tuliskan...

*** Sebagai ingatan kepada diri sendiri... Semoga hati berhenti membenci dan mencaci... Semoga sipolan yang Allah uji dengan kepintaran dan bakat, kembali mencintaiNya dan berbakti ke jalan dakwah. Amiin. ***


Monday, August 22, 2011

Our Yongseo/Goguma Couple~

The long awaited and most anticipated reunion ever - Jung Yonghwa and Seohyun - finally sang their Banmal Song together! My heart not just skip a beat or two, she jumps out of my chest. I was all nervous for my coming presentation this Wednesday, but the moment I watch the videos, everything seems a-okay. Their memories still bring good things in my life ^____^

It is heart crushing to see Yong and Hyun positioned so far from each other and took until the end of the song to be together. The production team really know how tease the fans. Hate you guys for that :P The moment they walk down the stairs, we can hear the audiences' enthusiast scream. It is very much understandable that we are all ache to see them together one more time. So when Yong and Hyun finally walk towards each other and hold hands, everything feels perfect. We even love the bumping-each-other scene at the end of the performance ^____^

Everybody notice their awkwardness. This is Yonghwa and Seohyun we are talking about. Of course they would show awkwardness especially after their separation. And Yonghwa did shout "saranghae" and we can hear the sincerity sang throughout the song ^____^ Of course the song is sincere, we know the story~

Yonghwa and Seohyun is a sweet couple. Their wedding announcement would be the happiest news ever for the fans. But they are idols and We Got Married is just a show. Let's just be one of the Goguma Villagers and let us keep their sweet relationship forever there, shall we? ^____^

To Yonghwa, Banmal Song is your masterpiece, so far~

Banmal Song

by Jung Yonghwa

The day when I first saw you
Your bright smile full of shyness
we’ll get closer after today
Every day, I have heart-fluttering expectations

What to say to you
How to get you to laugh
I fear it’ll get awkward when I try to hold your hand
All I can do is smile shyly

Hopefully we can speak banmal to each other
Even though it’s still awkward and unfamiliar
Instead of saying ‘thank you’
Talk to me in a friendlier way

Hopefully we can speak banmal to each other
You walk towards me slowly, step by step
Now look at my two eyes and tell me
I love you

The day when I held your hand
I felt my heart stop beating
I don’t even remember what I said
All I feel is a flutter in my stomach

Hopefully we can speak banmal to each other
Even though it’s still awkward and unfamiliar
Instead of saying ‘thank you’
Talk to me in a friendlier way

Hopefully we can speak banmal to each other
You walk towards me slowly, step by step
Now look at my two eyes and tell me
I love you

Hopefully we can fall in love with each other
I’ll never let go of your two hands from my grasp
The light of your eyes, gazing at me
I hope there will only be joyful smiles

We can probably fall in love with each other
We can lean on one another and take care of each other
Looking into your eyes, my two eyes
They’re talking to you
I love you

Friday, August 19, 2011

My Friend, I Miss You!


I'd like to dedicate below song to all my friends. I am not sure whether any of them read my blog, but if they do, I'd like to convey how precious they are to me. Thank you, for being there for me in my best or worst.

I feel like a little distance started to form between us. We are too busy sorting our life with so limited time and too many parties to attend to.

No matter where you are,
No matter how less the time we spent together,
No matter how busy we are even for a SMS,
No matter how occupied we are even for exchanged of news,
No matter how bad we fight,
No matter how we don't talk anymore,
No matter what happen,
I hope we'll always have each other~


Count On Me
by Bruno Mars

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see
I'll be the light to guide you

Find out what we're made of
What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh

If you toss and you turn and you just can't fall asleep
I'll sing a song beside you
And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me
Everyday I will remind you

Find out what we're made of
What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah

You'll always have my shoulder when you cry
I'll never let go, never say goodbye

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh

You can count on me 'cause I can count on you

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Dari Waheeda


Tersentuh hati membaca kisah Waheeda di bawah. Alhamdulillah, Allah beri jalan keluar untuk Waheeda dan pendidikan untuk kita semua. Hal agama bukan hal yang boleh kita ambil remeh. Kita mesti sentiasa bersedia memperjuangkan dan mempertahankan agama. Jangan beri peluang untuk dihinjak-hinjak. Jangan takut dan gentar.

Bila berada dalam sesuatu keadaan membuatkan hati kita tidak tenang, itu maknanya kita berada dalam keadaan yang tidak mendapat keredhaan Allah. Kalau kita memang tahu kita berada dalam keadaan yang serba tidak kena, dan kita mahu untuk meninggalkan keadaan tersebut, berdoalah dan mintalah kepada Allah peluang, kemudahan serta kekuatan untuk berhijrah. Bila sampai peluangnya, ambil. Jangan bertangguh lagi. Kerana bila Allah dah lorongkan kita ke arah kebaikan, ertinya Allah buka jalan untuk kita menghampiriNya setapak lagi... Terimalah dengan syukur.

Semoga Allah berikan hidayah dan bukakan jalan seluas-luasnya untuk berubah ke arah kebaikan dan mengEsakanNya... Amiin. Didoakan semoga lebih ramai lagi yang mendapat hidayah daripada Ya Khaliq dan dipermudahkan untuk kekal dalam istiqamah. Amiin. Dan semoga Allah pelihara kita daripada riak dan tinggi diri. Amiin.

*** Semoga Allah beri keinsafan dan hidayah kepada hamba Allah yang Waheeda sebutkan sengaja membatalkan wuduknya tu. ***


Monday, August 15, 2011

Yang Bernama Insan


Sejahat-jahat manusia sekalipun, jangan sampai syirik kepada Allah, jangan menggadai akidah dan iman serta jangan menjual agama. Ketika Islam mendapat tentangan daripada kaum Musyrikin, ramai yang sanggup Syahid daripada mengalah dan kembali menyembah berhala. Mereka ini Syahid mempertahankan akidah dan iman walaupun diseksa dengan kejam!

Jadi istighfar adalah jawapan yang terbaik bila akidah dan iman diletakkan setara dengan tapak kaki oleh segelintir umat Islam, untuk sesuatu yang sudah jelas ada jalan lain... Walaupun perit kita nak terima, mereka ini bukan untuk dicemuh, bukan untuk dikecam. Sepatutnya kita simpati, empati dan doakan mereka. Ingat, kita ni pun bila-bila masa je boleh diuji... Semoga Allah jauhkan hati kita dari riak dengan ilmu Allah..

Kita ni pun perlu mohon keampunan kepada Allah kerana mereka ni tanggungjawab kita yang tahu. Berdakwah tu tanggungjawab setiap yang bernama Islam, perlu berpesan-pesan, perlu meyampaikan walaupun satu ayat. Sebab kita tak beri didikan, sebab kita tidak prihatin, sebab kita suka menghukum, sebab kita tak bersabar dan tidak beri peluang - wujud kebarangkalian perkara macam ni terjadi.

Cuba fikir, apa yang akan Rasulullah lakukan dalam berdepan dengan kes macam ni?

*** Teringatkan Asiyah, Masyitah, Keluarga Yasir dan Bilal bin Rabah***


Friday, August 12, 2011

Merawat Hati Yang Kehilangan


Salam Jumaat.
Berikut diambil daripada penulisan Ustaz Pahrol yang bertajuk “Andai Dia Pergi Dulu Sebelummu.”

"Andai dia pergi dulu sebelum mu, sibuklah diri mu. Beribadahlah sehingga kau letih untuk merasa sedih. Gembirakanlah hati mu dengan menggembirakan orang lain. Carilah peluang kebajikan dan kebaikan yang bertaburan. Bila sesekali kesedihan datang tanpa diundang, berwuduk dan bacalah Al Quran. Dirikanlah solat, sesungguhnya solat itu satu kerehatan. Begitulah setiap kali Rasulullah SAW bila terasa gundah… diadukan kesedihan kepada Allah."

"Andai dia pergi dulu sebelum mu, bisikan ke dalam hati mu yang paling dalam. Dia bukan milik ku. Dan aku pun bukan miliknya. Pemilik segala ialah Al Malik. DIAlah yang memiliki dan menguasai segala-galanya. Pada kita hanya amanah, sampai masanya terpaksa diserah. Jangan ada rasa dimiliki, dan jangan ada rasa memiliki. Bila terasa sepi, jangan katakan aku sepi… tapi katakan pada ku sentiasa ada pemerhati."

Go to:

Semoga kita sama-sama belajar menerima kehilangan dengan hati yang redha.