Thursday, April 30, 2015

Bila Berasa Lelah dan Tidak Berdaya


Memahami jawapan dari Allah adalah satu rahmat.
Semoga aku dikalangan orang yang bertuah, yang dapat memahami 'bicara' Allah.
Amiin Allahhumma Amiin.


Jika kau berasa lelah dan tidak berdaya
daripada usaha yang sepertinya sia-sia
Allah tahu betapa keras engkau sudah berusaha.

Ketika kau sudah menangis sekian lama
dan hatimu masih terasa pedih
Allah sudah menghitung air matamu.

Jika kaufikir bahawa hidupmu sedang menunggu sesuatu
Dan waktu terasa berlalu begitu saja
Allah sedang menunggu bersama denganmu.

Ketika kaufikir bahawa kau sudah mencuba segalanya
dan tidak tahu hendak berbuat apa lagi
Allah punya jawapannya.

Ketika segala sesuatu menjadi tidak masuk akal
dan kau berasa tertekan
Allah dapat menenangkanmu.

Jika tiba-tiba kau dapat melihat jejak-jejak harapan
Allah sedang berbisik kepadamu.

Ketika segala sesuatu berjalan lancar
dan kau berasa ingin mengucap syukur
Allah telah memberimu rahmat.

Ketika sesuatu yang indah terjadi
dan kau dipenuhi ketakjuban
Allah telah tersenyum padamu.

Ketika kau memiliki tujuan untuk dipenuhi
dan mimpi untuk digenapi
Allah sudah membuka matamu
dan memanggilmu dengan namamu.

Ingatlah bahawa di mana pun kau
atau ke mana pun kau menghadap,
Allah SWT Maha Tahu dan Maha Mendengar.


Wednesday, April 29, 2015

A Picture with Thousand of Beautiful Comments


Alhamdulillah. Everything is getting better - health, mood, feeling, spirit... heart - all moving into a positive direction. Hari yang indah; secara spontan aku berbisik "hari yang baik untuk membuat keputusan yang baik".

I slept well last night, after weeks of sleepless nights. When you're not living the days properly, you will not be able to rest properly at night. Nursing my health conditions while juggling between career and volunteer works, I have push myself into a fatigue state over my limit. I had terrible Tuesday yesterday. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed *and* under the weather. There were hints of gastritis and I have no appetite for food. I had to forced my self to eat some breakfast before dragging my foot for work; *teary eyed*.

But somehow I manage to pull myself together and search the best from the dimension, Alhamdulillah, for the inspiration. Two Caucasian male visitors chatted about their preferable morning drink made me smile. "Hey, we should go out for some tea sometime", I thought. It's weird to be happy over this, but I feel better knowing that we share same tea opinion. Hahaha.
Logging into my laptop as expected would bring the mood down a little bit. But it goes sky high when I get the text from Kak Dillah explaining her latest charity iniative. "I was inspired by what you did in Penang", "I like the tag in the picture", showing the dakwah message I carry for running. Rasa semua penat lelah dan selesema "ditanggalkan" dari badan. I must show my support! I must contribute something!

There were hiccups along the day. Heartbreak and frustration. Sadness and unpleasant feeling. But Alhamdulillah, I manage to get through it. Sedikit demi sedikit, Allah permudahkan urusan semalam. Jiwa mula jadi lebih kuat, hati mula jadi lebih tenang. I cried a little while talking to Tok. She might not remember what I told her and what she told me, but it was calming to pour my heart out to someone. Well Tok is not just someone!
I had a surprisingly comfortable "sembang" session. I never thought I could open up to a stranger like that. A good beginning. We said good night and I goes to sleep - a deep REM sleep.

And today is a better day!  It was after rain - one of my favourite moment - and there was a huge rainbow on the sky. I am bouncing happily. Okay that make me sounds like a rabbit. Hahaha. Today is one of the day where I am genuinely happy and smiling, people just can't resist the needs to smile and response back cheerfully to me. Of course, hari macam ni adalah limited edition.

Tahu apa yang menjadikan hari ni sangat baik?
Gambar di bawah.
It's a photo from Human of New York of a two Muslims praying in Central Park. The photo is beautiful, but the comments it received even more beautiful.
There are thousands of beautiful comments from Muslims and Not Yet Muslims. Allah is enough for me; but reading those comments today where Islam is being misundertood, is... wonderful. Islamophobia exists, but we are assured that they are people who would stand with us and that we are not totally and absolutely misunderstood.
There is still hope. There is still a lot of work for each Muslims.
Do dakwah. Convey the message. Explain about Islam. Make them understand.

Original photo:
Read the comments!


Monday, April 27, 2015


Today is big fat *of course* cute panda practicing kungfu no stop over the weekend Monday. With completely failed mix-and-match outfit. *Sigh* I don't feel like working or eating, but the ticking time and headache were killing me. So I fished the mini Snickers from my running bag and bite it off as breakfast. Some sugar sometime helps. I strolled the usual road half awake and keep reminding myself that I must maintain my focus until I get into the building. Be safe.

As I was approaching the main gate, my mind slowly tuned into a more stable condition. There are challenges I need to face behind those doors and feeling like a panda certainly not the best way to handle it. Take a deep breath, jawab salam pegawai keselamatan sambil senyum 7 saat and I am good to go.... after I paused a few seconds in front of my favorite photo hangin in the walkway.
Now I am good. I think.
While in the elevator, I realised that I am humming to Backstreet Boys' "Inconsolable". Entah sejak bila. Fine. It has been BSB and Inconsolable week pun. For an unknown reason, this song is stuck in my mind. It is not because I am inconsolable.
I think I just love the tone and voice of my *cough* crush *cough*. Bersungguh-sungguhnya BSB nyanyi lagu ni. Hahaha.

Today's playlist consist of:

+ Backstreet Boys "Incomplete"
(I tried to go on like I never knew you, I’m awake but my world is half asleep, I pray for this heart  to be unbroken, But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete)

+ Backstreet Boys "Inconsolable"
(I don't wanna waste another day, Keepin' it inside, it's killing me, Cause all I ever wanted comes right down to you, I wish that I could find the words to say, Baby I'ma tell you, every time you leave, I'm inconsolable)

+ Westlife "Unbreakble"
(And whenever you smile, I can hardly believe that you're mine)

Still nursing my health condition. I hope my mind can finally stop being active unnecessarily and allow me to rest properly. Need. to. write. about. Valdor! Before I forget the feeling.

Have a great week before long weekend, darling!

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Under The Weather Exit Door

When you are under the weather and you did not get *the* attention from specific individuals in a list your unwell mind created:
1) Read recap on Korean drama/variety shows that make you smile/laugh
2) Listen to nice songs; songs from your *time*
3) Eat whatever food you have in mind
4) Repeat

I am not myself when I am unwell. If you think I am pushy and demanding and manja, multiply that thought by 3 - you'll get the unwell me.
Today is one of those days. *This* is what you get for being unprepared and unfit. I ran 11.8 km for Valdor Run 2015 last Sunday (19-April-2015). Yeay. Love the medal. This time, it is really blood and sweat. Jari kaki melecet sampai berdarah. Not only that, I had the worst after-run Monday yesterday. Rasa nak demam dan satu badan - bukan kaki je - sakit. Macam masuk Ultra Marathon atau Iron Man dah gayanya. Silly me. (I will properly write about the run when I am feeling better)

All I need is sleep (lots of it, maybe one hour for every liter of water I drink) and *that* particular attention as mention above. But I didn't get enough for both. On top of that, I have career hat and many other hats to wear. That's when giggling over "Grandpas Over Flowers in Greece" recap while listening to Backstreet Boys Greatest Hits helps a lot. You have no ideas how hilarious a group of people can be (Choi Ji Woo and Seo Jin). Hehehe. And it’s good to know that your heart will never be broken and that you’ll never have reason to cry! [BSB’s “I’ll Never Break Your Heart] Hey, imagination is free :p Hahaha.

Keyword: Just choose anything that makes you feel better.

Happy thoughts and brighter moods are good distraction that provides smooth transition for cognitive reframing; especially when there's a need to reduce some of the pressure from the environment. You need a lot of energy to break free from an unpleasant situation – always choose positive energy. Sometimes it is all *here* in your mind.
Break away! 

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Speed Dating

I do.

It's only Tuesday and I am already losing it. My days usually consist of Monday, 3 Thursdays, Friday and weekend. Tapi minggu ni hari Khamis pertama tak kunjung tiba. Hari ni ialah hari Selasa! Huhuhu.


Kak Dilah cadangkan aku cuba "Halal Speed Dating". Because I love Kak Dilah dearly, I promise to try. The first wave of reluctance hits me when I can't find the organizer of the event, yet I need to give my personal information. Then they asked for my wali's email and phone number. Okay! I can't make myself to proceed further, so I closed the online form.

During lunch, I re-opened the site. I manage to fill out 70% of it. Then I got stuck here:
* What obstacles do you have to get yourself married ["pour your heart out", they say~]
* Dear future Husband [Share your hopes and dreams. What you would like to tell your future husband. Write in point form.]
* Your expectation from your future Husband [Write about your genuine expectations from your partner. Be very clear and use simple words. Write in point form.]

How am I supposed to express such thing in writing? In point form pulak tu. Kelemahan aku, aku tak pandai buat rumusan atau karangan pendek. I have tons to express and tell.

Lagipun aku rasa segan dengan diri sendiri. I felt that what I have to say is too gooey even for myself. I must not inflict any permanent damage to other people kan? Hahaha.

So I closed it, again.

I am still considering this event. Giving out personal details *online* is a big issue for me. I am a very private person. Dulu nombor telefon aku pun tak ramai tahu. It is strictly to close friends only. Sekarang je nombornya berterbangan bersama poster aktiviti.
Besides, a part of me feels like I don't need to go to this extent. I am not getting younger - that's true - and I need to make effort to find a potential spouse - true again - but a speed dating? Hmmm. Di hujung senarai aku yang panjang sekalipun, tak pernah wujud keperluan untuk cari jodoh macam ni.

In between sleepless, sleepiness, and oversleep, I believe what I need is 3 rounds of 8 hours REM sleep to think this through. I am still figuring out how to express those things up there without being perasan, syok sendiri and gooey. Yang paling penting, tidak menakutkan orang yang membacanya.

Mission: I am possible.

Semoga Allah tunjukkan jalan. Amiin Allahhumma Amiin.


Friday, April 3, 2015

Selfish Selfless

"Sometimes you have to be selfish to be selfless."
- Edward Albert

Human beings are selfish being. We are selfish in each decision we made, each direction we choose to run, each path we choose to walk, each option we consider. We are selfish for not choosing.

If you're going to be selfless, be selfless with no regret.
If you're going to be selfish, be selfish for something worthy.

That is the price we all need to pay; whether you're selfish or selfless.
I am sorry.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Ujian Buat Aqidah


Berpinar mata dua tiga hari ni. Allah sahaja yang tahu segala apa yang ada dalam hati ni. Bohonglah kalau dikatakan tidak terkesan. Kita manusia; hanya manusia.
Tapi kita nombor satu: hanya HAMBA. Hamba ALLAH.
Nah wake up call, seperti yang dikongsikan oleh seorang saudara.
Aku sangat setuju. Berhati-hati dan beringat-ingat dalam berkata-kata. In Islam, there's always a better way to do something.
Mengingatkan sendiri, dan semua yang dikasihi.
Semoga bermanfaat.

GST, Ujian Buat Aqidah

Berhati-hati dalam berkata...
Bagi saya, GST ini adalah ujian keimanan buat kita semua. Kerajaan tu hanya "asbab" untuk Allah berikan ujian. Jangan kita terlampau melampau dalam mempersoalkan hal rezeki seolah-olah kita menyatakan Allah itu miskin dan tidak mampu rezekikan kita seperti biasa selepas perlaksanaan GST.

Iman kena jaga betul-betul. Jika perlu kita kritik, kritiklah dengan ilmiah untuk penambahbaikan kepada semua. Jangan dikaitkan soal rezeki, kemiskinan, kekayaan sebab semua itu dalam jagaan Allah. Jangan kita jadi manusia yang tidak bersyukur hanya kerana kebencian kita terhadap golongan tertentu.

Kata seorang Imam, sekiranya langit dan bumi bertukar menjadi besi, lalu terdetik dalam hatiku "mana nak dapat rezeki kalau macam ni?" maka sesungguhnya daku telah melakukan syirik yang sangat besar (kerana mempertikaikan Allah sebagai "Ar-Razzaq"-pemberi rezeki).

Ramai yang mengeluh tentang harga barang dan lain-lain sampai ucapan mereka boleh merosakkan akidah. Sedangkan esok lusa kita akan mati. Jadi bayar cukai, bayar barang mahal ni tak lama. Sampai kita mati je. So, kalau kita mati esok, ya sampai esok jelah kita bayar GST.
Tapi dosa yang bertimbun, siapa nak tolong taubatkan?

Ustaz Ibnu Batoota
Penulis di Majalah ANIS, terbitan Galeri Ilmu Sdn. Bhd.