Monday, November 30, 2009

Jacob Black II


I am forever Team Edward.
But I'd choose Jacob in real life.

1st because he is tan :p
2nd because he is real and more practical.
3rd because he is there [when the love, the life and the meaning walk away.].

Full stop.

1st: I have better perception towards normal-skinned-Malay guys. No offense, but tan guys seem more reliable than less tan guys. No fact, but that's what I think.

2nd: He is human, even if half. He is warm, which is good because I don't prefer anything cold (or anyone, in this case).

3rd: I said it once and for all - that love of my life (LOML) shouldn't leave me and shouldn't hurt me no matter for what reason - even if it involve the world peace. Once you leave, you leave for good. As for ‘Jacob’, well, considering LOML left, then I am so single. What's not to love in Jacob, anyway? :D

Anyway, I do believe now, a ‘Jacob’ would not do any harm; especially if the ‘Jacob’ is as hot as Taylor Lautner. LOL!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Spoken Picture


We keep on saying, a picture worth a thousand words. Instead of worth a thousand words, it tells stories - untold stories and stories unknown even by the self.

I am not a photographer and I never learn the art of photographing, but I know from shows I watched on television - what pictures can tell - the photographer's feeling towards his/her model, the models' feeling toward the photographer, the feelings saturated among models.

I've been 'listening' to a picture that speaks aloud stories in it. Of course, it's my desktop wallpaper - a picture of me and my friends, taken during a friend's wedding. I must say, the photographer must have seen it and he captured the moment of us sitting together - loosen up. The picture turns out stunning [what with some enhancement]. We all love it very much.

Then it started to speak.
... he is the boyfriend
... she is the girlfriend
... she used to like him
... he used to like her
... she's comfortable with him
... he find her interesting
... you are someone I know
... we just met


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Time Traveler's Wife [69]


"CLARE: It’s hard being left behind. I wait for Henry, not knowing where he is, wondering if he’s okay. It’s hard to be the one who stays.

I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way.

I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I’m tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that’s been under the snow all winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?

Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship. Now I wait for Henry. He vanishes unwillingly, without warning. I wait for him. Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why has he gone where I cannot follow?"

"HENRY: ...I hate to be where she is not, when she is not. And yet, I am always going, and she cannot follow."

The Time Traveler's Wife was not on my hunting list, but somehow I was torn between Wuthering Heights and Where Rainbows End that day. I really wanted to read Wuthering Heights, but the price is way beyond my budget. As for Where Rainbows End, well, I am not that fond for second choice. A tiny group of my neurons were thinking about getting Aida to watch The Time Traveler's Wife movie; and the next thing I realized was that I am searching for the book. [I bought Wuthering Heights too, but the one under the shadow of Twilight Saga’s promotion; labeled with: Bella & Edward’s Favorite Book - cheaper]

I did what I do best: flipping through the pages, and finally decided to read page 7 - First Date, One. Speeding up my reading, I skipped all Henry's and focused on Clare's [the Wife, ok]. I admit, it was confusing when there are two points of view, like reading The Host from Wanda's then from Mel's. The "click" in my head was when I hit the brake on page 12, and I decided to buy it.

I read the prologue later that evening, realizing what I am reading - it's about waiting. I read it over and over again; immersing into the story. I guess I will always end up reading this kind of books - books that represent strong emotions.

I am reading page 69 until I write this blog post. I came to understand that Henry is a sweet, loving, caring and smart guy [even as a small boy] - plus with confusions when he started to time travelled at the age of 5. As for Clare, well, she was made from titanium for surviving the longing and waiting. Both of them - a cute and great couple.

I have read the ending, so I am sure about that :D

P/S: On the cover of my book, there's a review saying: "Here's the next THE LOVELY BONES... A rare book". I agree on that. This is the 2nd LOVELY BONES, a book uniquely written and one of its kind.


Wedding 1 - Azah & Ariff


If you belong to a clique, probably you have asked this question: Who'll be the first to get married? I consider myself belong to a clique and I have asked the question; and the answer is... Azah Kamarudin.

Azah weds her beloved, Ariff and we were attending their wedding reception on 21 November 2009. Well, 'attending' sounds underrate - we were breaking all the silence and wrecking all the guest protocol :D I hope we brought extraordinary sunshine and happiness into their wedding.

Moments were captured in beautiful pictures - the professional wedding photographer who 'bullied' us with sorts of pose and the candid from Amir, Ikmal and Kamal [waiting to be uploaded!]. Lovely, lovely pictures...

In car I said: Kawen juga Azah *sigh*
It feels like we were just graduated from secondary school yesterday. With Azah already a wife, and Awin, Fahmi and Nana’s wedding around the corner, seem like the hourglass has been turn – the sand is filling the other half.

Looking forward my next wedding invitations!


The pelamin and wedding decorations by Impiana Bridal. Contact per below:
Impiana Bridal
Kak Su: 012-5692960
Kamal: 012-5799709

Official Wedding Pictures by Hisham Mohd Noor:

Friday, November 20, 2009

A Wake Up Story


In the bus, on my way to work; 20th November 2009.
I was lost in my thoughts - mostly thinking about Edward Cullen and his golden eyes - maybe falling asleep as usual when I caught a conversation between two women behind me.

Woman A was telling woman B about her husband falling and marrying another woman! Ouch. What a morning topic. I peek through the mirror and saw her somewhat-calm expression while she spoke.

Then, she was saying:

"My mother in law was asking me, whether the news was true, that her son have married another woman. What else I can say except "I don't know, most probably yes". She said she'll never accept that other woman into her family..."

"He's always texting, even late at night."

"I gave him an ultimatum; to choose between me or the woman. And he claim that he'd want to married that woman but remain our marriage..."

"All patients have its limit. I'm off of it."

I don't know how she manages to tell the story without crying. Listening to her, I felt like I was crumbling into pieces. Imagining speaking the ultimatum to the one man I love... already break my heart.

I know, guys can love more than one woman at a time. But seriously, didn't you see in your spouse's eyes that sharing you is truly, madly, deeply-death threateningly hard? I am far against polygamy. But guys, come on! Cut all the payung-emas crap; cause we'll go straight to hell if we have even the slightest heartfelt over it. To 'enable' the wives the payung emas, the husband himself must be a good Muslim, a good servant.

I am not against polygamy. I am against those stupid guys who misused this Sunnah and suppressed their wives out there.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Not Standing Still


Be not afraid of going slow, be afraid of standing still.

I grew up with above saying. It's something my lovely aunty shared with me - I think she wrote it on a piece of paper and I always see that paper throughout the years. A simple phrase yet motivated - I know it today that it was edited from a Chinese proverb: "Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still."

It's sort of a principle, the way I see and live life. I told myself once and keep on repeating it - giving me peace and sanity each time I learn something new; making me less tense. It tailored my expectation towards other people's effort as well. My world spins fast - which I like it that way, but this phrase manages to keep me calm whenever some element slowed down.

In other words, it saves me from feeling repugnantly less intelligent from others. Hahaha. And - I need to add this - set a goal that no matter how hard the learning was and the fact that I am so not catching up to the pace - I must master the skill and win the race. No excuse for not learning. When talking about effort or making a difference, I can accept slowness, but not stillness.

Monday, November 16, 2009

The Stephanie Meyer


I've just finished watching Stephanie Meyer's interview in the Oprah Winfrey Show; on Youtube.


I don't know who Stephanie Meyer is to others, but she is special to me. She's the author who lured me to start reading English fiction and apparently a combustion of love for reading. Before Twilight Saga, I only read [mostly] non-fictions and fictions that were in line with self-improvement or psychology - stuff like Mitch Albom. But never like Twilight Saga - an epic of something impossible to exist - and other novels.

Thanks to her, my reading frenzy is [insanely] increasing. I feel like forcing her to write new books every month so that I can have material to read. Hahahaha!

She's a phenomenon!

She's a 35 years old stayed-at-home mom turn multi gazillionaire. Despite that she never read vampire books - the only genre she never read - she didn't even write a journal about herself and she never even write a single short story before Twilight Saga. Eventually, Stephanie doesn’t even plan to be an author. [A cute jokes when she said that everyone knows that writing is a bad way to make a living. Ha ha. Gazillionaire!]

She just loves reading. She read Gone with the Wind and Pride and Prejudice at 8! Twilight was only a "dream catalogue" and was only to reconnect to herself. She shared that her boys were having health problem and "none of them slept through the night until they were 2" and she's losing herself at that moment. I like the part when Oprah mention the fact about women like Stephanie - a house wife with 3 boys - "doing the hardest job on earth, staying at home, taking care of their children, and trying to do that well - lose themselves." It is! I guess Twilight is the greatest connection ever :D

"Mama Oprah, you should try it because it's a delicious reading.", said one of Oprah's daughter.

Towards the end, there was a teleconference with Twi-Fans from Bolivar Middle School. There the Twilight Saga has "created culture of literacy", "spread like wildfire", and "it rekindle the love of reading among teachers and students". The library even has a waiting list of thousands for the book - 600 complete sets of Twilight Saga will be send to them!

I couldn't agree more on the stuff shared during the interview. They were all so true. Maybe Twi-Fans just have the same brainwave all around the world [so what?!]. Twilight Saga IS like a wild fire. The word "spreading" suits it very much. And, it is as dangerous as the vampire venom. Once bitten, forever you'll belong to the vampire world.


Sad Happiness


"Rainy season
Frog leap happily
Girl looks out of window sadly"

I have to say and you have to agree with me - that all come in pair. Even sad thing come with something happy. I might be sad of an occurrence [I am sad] but that same occurrence might make someone else happier. Do not deny it and do not "world-is-not-fair" me :p It's a fact, deal with it.

Stuff happen for reason. Look on the bright side.

"Sunshine is delicious,
Rain is refreshing,
Wind braces us up,
Snow is exhilarating;
There is really no such thing as bad weather,Only different kinds of good weather.


Temporary Campus Life


16:37 Saturday 14 November 2009.
I was at USM's Hamzah Sendut Library; just finishing my slides for Monday's presentation - The Pareto Chart - somehow, I was 'joining' Ayu's MBA Accounting group discussion. There were 10 people discussing all-about: accounting and business and management and culture - stuff I have no idea at all. Some of them are taking this course full-time and another half are taking it part time.

Well, I have to thank Ayu for 'inviting' me into her campus life today. It's a very precious moment, to be at USM and being here in this library; observing their discussion. Timeless if I may exaggerate. I think I could sit here forever! [Another exaggeration] I am so missing the campus life...Truly.

Being there, seeing those people's effort in pursuing their ambition flamed the desire in me. [Is it a sign?] The full-timers reminded me of the one I might have been if I studied smarter and harder. As for the part-timers - Ayu, Kak Ira, Khairul - they are the models I pictured myself next. There are decisions I am yet to make.

It's not a waste after all, for being there. 10 people sitting before me - with different background - each inspired me in their own way. I saw leader, I saw thinker, I saw scanner, I saw question-asker, I saw answer-king, I saw tense-breaker, I saw problem-solver... [I saw someone interesting :D] But the most important thing was I saw 10 people reaching out for stars.

Learning is lifetime process. You are never too old or too young, or too busy or too less smart to study. There never exist a boundary, except death - Tuntutlah ilmu sehingga ke liang lahad.

With these inspirations, I want to go home and think of my ambition.


Friday, November 13, 2009

The New Moon and Bella


It's 13 November 2009. I saw a crescent moon this morning from one of my home's window... just like the one for Twilight Saga New Moon. Unfortunately, I forget to capture the moment. *Ugh!!!*

13 days to go before New Moon Malaysia's premier.
Oh, can 26 November please come faster! It's unbearable, this longing and waiting. This is madness.

I am in need to get this New Moon out of my system so that I can continue with my task.

More and more of New Moon on the net each single day. More pictures, more posters, more merchandises, more Kristen, more Edward, and more Jacob. News is flooding my Facebook page from both Twilight and Twilight Examiner. But, the fans would agree with me: We never had enough :D

I'm looking forward to watch the break up scene and the saddest period in Bella's life. Kristen made it so real and I can't wait to feel the "big hole has been punched through my chest" sensation. Kristen's been explaining the break up scene in her interviews - making New Moon even more tempting that ever. I must say, Kristen Stewart is a great actress. [I just realized that Twilight Saga is all about Bella, not Edward]

Another scene I'm dying to watch is the cliff diving. New Moon is nothing to compare with "you jump, I jump" phrase. Bella [really] jump off a cliff into cold water on a stormy day - to hear Edward's voice. Yes, Edward... She was risking her life just to hear your "beautiful, velvet" voice. Even though the scene was filmed in a set and make-real by CGI, it's the moment when every strong woman out there would understand - we're strong, and patient, but all have limits… and here I am pushing myself over the limit - loving and missing you.

Well, I still say that this year and the years ahead IS Kristen Stewart's. I'm beginning to love her as much as I'm beginning to accept Bella. Believe it or not, Kristen IS Bella, she evolved together with the Saga as Bella with Edward.

Tomorrow is another day of waiting.So looking forward to watch New Moon and Isabella Marie Swan.


Thursday, November 12, 2009


This week is our final week with Ummi. Alhamdulillah, Ummi's transfer's application approved and she's on her way back to her beloved family - her caring husband, lovely children and her 1st granddaughter, Aleesya. Though we are so very sad to lose our Ummi, we are happy that Ummi got to be with her family everyday :D

~'Aini & Ummi

Ummi has always been a mother figure of our little home. She is my Ummi even before Mak passed away, more after that. To have her makes our life different in so many ways compare to other; even though we are far away from our love ones, we somehow form a family bonding here on a foreign land. This rented house feels just like home - always warm to come home to.

With Ummi leaving, I not quite sure what to expect. After Ummi's departure, another 3 housemates eventually leaving, too - Kak Maizan (transferred to her hometown), Kak Aju and Kak Mala (graduted from KPLI). And Aida too, after that - her husband transferred from Miri to Penang!!! :D So, I'm losing my Ummi, my sisters and a friend... *sigh with a smile*

Within a split second everyone seems to leave; but I am so very grateful to ALLAH for His Rahman and Rahim, giving us every single precious moments and a family bonding like this. Nobody's luckier than I am!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Dead Decision

I said: It's time to do something for myself. And now I'm hearing a voice singing this phrase from Reflection (I prefer Lea Salonga's version in Mulan):

"...Now I see
That if I were truly to be myself
I would break my family's heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?"

Especially the part: "That if I were truly to be myself, I would break my family's heart".

I am weighing options in my life. There's an urge to make decisions - that happen to have impact to people around me - tough decisions. It feels like I am riding on a very fast transportation without any destination; the GPS giving options of turn - and I can't even put my mind together to make a choice... yet I have to make decision fast. Arrrrrgghhhh!!!

I might explode, someday...

The problem is I can't shout it out - spill the beans. If I did, my family would be panic - because it's not normal for me to have this kind of problem; and it would make other person unease - me being the pushy snob.

If I can be burn, I'm already ashes. If I can explode, I'm already a black hole. At the end of every day, I feel so tired that my knees give up and I crawl - heart and soul - to bed.

Why oh why.

What's worse, this situation leaves me a selfish woman. I can sense that when no longer can take control of it, my mind will be in charged. She will not be that kind for less beneficial options. I know her well. She's the most defensive creature I have ever known.

I don't want that to happen.

"Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?"