Showing posts from April, 2010

[Almost] Rebound Love


I am one of the person on this earth who did not understand how rebound love work. I know the term and I've seen it happen. It is just that, the arrogant side of me once said: Nah... That would not happen to me. But being in this post-break up situation, I begin to see the mechanics of rebound love.

Before I start, let me clarify that this entry is based on my own experience. It's something I'd like to share.

Loving the same guy for almost 6 years changed who I am. Love softens me, as I always said. It's not that he wanted me to change or I change because of him. I change because I wanted to be better. I learnt to love and be loved. I even prepare myself for the future. Some wait until the rain come for renovation. I believe in forecasting and making the necessary renovation before it happen.

Before I realized it, I am used to love and commitment. When I lost my love, I was left with incomplete nerve ends; an incomplete circuit. This is when I see the fun…

Runway II


I was still walking down the runway. I am used to this dress and high heels. They are comfortable and comforting to wear. My audience loves it, too.

I caught a glimpse of a familiar face I was looking for. That particular individual sat near the runway. I smile and wave. There was someone else too. That someone; she was wearing a dress and a pair of high heels that I dream of wearing for all these years! The one I let go.

I thought I heard a crack.
It's not the runway, though...
Did I fall...?

Frosty Old Feeling


We all have wish and dream... You would feel happy if what you wished for or dream on finally come true. But -- tell me what the best feeling is -- when your wish granted and your dream made real, only that it is not for you.

Ya, the frosty old feeling, will melt oh so 'painlessly'...

Juliet the Orange

Reality, infinity
All the pieces here
Athletic shoes, Chocolate mousse
Cellular phone in his room
You will see one day, I’m here to stay
Hold your hand to me
We’ll find a way

Innocence, garlands burn
All the memories
Transparencies, you will see
What this all is meant to be
You will see one day
I’m here to stay, hold your hand to me
We’ll find a way

( chorus )
Close your eyes, snip your lashes
They fall within the ashes
The frosty old feeling, will melt oh so painlessly
Close your eyes, kill the darkness
The shears are in the closet
The muses they pray loud
For your listless journey to me

Lightning streaks, teary bliss
Slicking on the grease
With company you will see
What t…



Sangat sedih...Angel dah bercalar on her first day :'( huhu. Well, nak salahkan siapa lagi kalau bukan Cik 'Aini yang gelabah dan tidak berfikir masa keluar dari parking. Dah terlanggar kereta di sebelah. Ya Allah, semoga jangan la kereta tersebut cedera parah... Adeh... Tercalarnya Angel bererti tercalarnya rekod pemanduan.

Nak beritahu Abah atau tak ni...?

Harus tak aku tampil ke hadapan dan mengaku je aku yang melanggar kereta beliau?



Assalamualaikum, {Background music: Jesse McCartney’s The Best Day of My Life and Beautiful Soul}

Maybe there are a small group of girls who did not know Cinderella. Me, on the other hand [and maybe you too] falls under the other group -- we know Cinderella, touched by story and see ourselves wearing the gown, riding the pumpkin and lost one glass slipper.

Most of my childhood years were filled with only one dream -- to marry a Prince. I had this idea of bumping into one of the Prince [in my case would be The Raja Muda Perak :D] and maybe he will see me of all the crowd. Childish, yes. Then, when I understand that that possibility was almost impossible, I started aiming for a higher class gentlemen. As time move by, as I read and learn more, all I wanted was my own Prince Charming that would secure my hand and rescue me from my life -- not that I have miserable life, though.

When I think of the desire to have a 'Prince Charming' to 'rescue' me from my life, now, it sounds…


I am writing this without any concrete idea. I have many interesting stuff to share, but all are blocked by a sense of disappointment. Is this blockage can be consider as disappointment, I do not know. What I do know, it is something I can understand, yet I do not understand in the same time.

This week has been a week of... confusion [?]. I feel like too many things happened in my life and in others' life that changed me and them. I was so contented in my life that I have ignored what's changing in another part of the world. I no longer recognized some of the people in my life.

I am not to judge. It is not right for me to have a say at all about what's going on. I am also involved and I choose my way and they chose their way. But it broke my heart to see how much their way hurt another party. I understand what motivate them; I am not saying a word about it. I know only what's related to me. There were so many layers and I don't know whose lying. Proba…


I can't resist being happy when people around me are happy. It's like perfume in the air... always my favorite perfume. Happy person emitted a very special energy, a bright and radiant energy. I understand why Jasper hover around Bella in Breaking Dawn... it is the taste of happiness that tickles every nerve in your body. [Maybe I should consider taking "Jasper" as my middle name :p]

Your day begins in the morning. There's a saying: a great day begins with a smile. That's why I highly recommended all media to play happy songs from 6 am to 10 am. I had had bad days due to songs I heard on my favorite station. I made my day, true, but a little help please.

I am not the one with pure happiness in life. No, not me. [Hands up] But I did not find it wrong to be happy for someone else's happiness.

I am not married and yet to find a decent guy [at the age of 26 years old], but reading a love note from my friend's husband on her FB wall made my da…

Nature of Love


Loving people is hard. You need a strong and kind heart to do that. It is never vengeance or anger that heals a broken heart. It is always love and forgiveness that Allah placed in your heart that heal all inside.

Human were created to love. So ask yourself; why hate, is it even possible to hate? Some say hate is equal to absence of love. I don't know about that. I believe that one can't hate what one doesn’t love; so you loved what you hate.

It's still love.

We were born to love, so please do not waste your lifetime to hate. Hatred is ugly; you wouldn’t want it to have any connection to you.

The Runway


I am walking on a runway, wearing a pretty dress and a pair of reasonable high heels. Flashing of lights with clicking sounds from cameras added up to the music’s beat. I can see people I loved standing and cheering their support. Some waved, some smile with teary eyes, and some smirk with their smug eyes. I smile to those who smiled, I wink to those with teary eyes and I stare deep into those smug eyes.

I wonder if I can keep on walking, keeping this bright smile on my pretty face. This pretty dress I am wearing and these reasonable high heels I am walking in, I must present it well. The most important thing is I must not trip. There are times I feel like I am losing my coordination, I am searching for a familiar face from the crowd.

I am yet to see the end of the runway.
This is a long runway, indeed.


To All Friends

I have friends that make me laugh and friends that make me cry. I love them all --- those who make me cry touches my heart and those who make me laugh tickles my laughing nerves! Hahahaha.

This is to all friends, despite who you are and what you did... I love you when you make me cry, even more when you make me smile... I want to give you Jacob's bear-tight hugs when you make me laugh. I am stronger because you were there on the right time to comfort me, to hold my hand and to believe me.

Here’s a phrase I remembered for years: “A friend is someone who understand your past, believe in your future and accepts you today just the way you are”. I know this phrase is true. But for me, a friend is just by being me and you!
[You are more than just an umbrella] Be it sunny or rainy… You are required, needed and welcomed in my life :)

A Walk...


Even a new pair of high heels bites for the first few days, or weeks; let alone a 'new' life. That's the sensation. I foresee myself to be in an overdose sedative condition for some time. No deadline.

I am a learner, a good one. I'll learn to walk in this new pair of high heels down the runaway. It's the audience that creep me. Eyes that that follows me. Whispers I hear. Flashing of cameras capturing this moment of my life. I'll walk to the end of the runway and give my best pose.

Memories linger in every fragment, moments that hold me to the ground; I can't run, I can't hide. To force myself to forget would be like smashing my skull and hoping for amnesia. Force has no vector in this condition. I pray for it to fade through time and in the meantime learn to live with it.

Hear my answer, for the stupidity you might know I am doing.
I'm moving on. I am letting go. But please understand, I need to walk this final walk. This is my walk to r…

Aku Milik Allah

Aku milik Allah.
Mintalah aku daripadaNYA.
Muliakanlah aku dengan ijab dan qabul; hadiahi aku dengan mas kahwin.
Akan aku berikan ketaatan dan cinta ini untuk dirimu, selama yang Allah izinkan.

Aku milik Allah.
DaripadaNYA kasih hadir, kepadaNYA kasih kembali. Pulangkan hatiku kepadaNYA bila tiba masanya.
Di situlah tempatnya hati tidak akan dilukai.

Aku milik Allah.
Andai ikhlas, mintalah aku daripadaNYA.


About Us: End of a Love Story


11 April 2010, the end of a love story. I couldn't write more as it contains mix of emotions. Bittersweet. What I would like to share, a break up doesn’t necessarily have to be harsh. Pray hard for His guidance; pray sincerely for His Rahman, Rahim and Lateef. He will help you. The logic behind it is if a relationship begins with flower petals and rainbow, the ending (despite how it hurts) should as well worth some good manners.

This is His Qadha' and Qadar. It's written by Allah even before we were created. May Allah bless each soul with redha.

The law of conservation of energy stated that energy can neither be created nor destroyed; it can only be transformed from one state to another. The same goes with love. It happens in His permission and it never ends, it's being redefined. Maybe our love stops here, but we'll always love each out of friendship.

Always believe in love for Allah is Love.

The Nonsense of Keliru


Pagi ini terdengar lagu Keliru nyanyian Nurul dan Ajai. Tiba-tiba aku rasa macam kena geletek. Kelakar la lagu ni! Hahahaha. Macam tahu-tahu je. Aku pun dah rasa macam Nurul dan Ajai ni. They were loving couple but Allah knows what happen. Sounds familiar, yes? Hahahahaha.

Talking about knowing, this is my muhasabah for today... I always wanted to know, I've keep secret, I've ask questions, I've waited for answers. But all in all, what I want to know, Allah knows. What I kept as secrets, Allah knows. Questions I asked, answers I expected, Allah knows.


Saban hari ku mencarimu
Semalaman aku mengenangmu
Marah, resah, gelisahku
Menjadi satu
Kutahu kau di dalam dilema
Sukar untuk buat pilihan
Jangan kau cepat berubah
Pendirian diri... oho...
Salahkanku... jangan salahkan ku
Kasihi aku... lupakan diriku
Mana satu... kujadi keliru
Aku makin keliru
Dikau selalu saja begini
Aku selalu tidak mengerti
Namun ku masih percaya
Kita harus bersama
Kutahu kau di dalam dilema
Sukar untuk…

Kasih Ibu...


Membaca coretan Cik Melur pagi ini bertajuk Ibu, bergenang air mataku, rasa sebak... It's about a mother who died protecting her baby in China earthquake. Only a mother could do such sacrifice out of love.

Kata arwah Mak, selagi namanya seorang ibu pasti akan selalu berharap anak-anaknya dalam the best condition. Doa tu tak pernah putus. Walaupun mulut kata marah, tapi hati tak pernah tak ampunkan anak-anak. Sebab seorang ibu tu tahu keampunannya adalah penting untuk kesejahteraaan mereka. Kata Mak lagi, takde ibu yang nak anak-anaknya susah. Kata Mak lagi, walaupun aku mungkin terasa ada beza kasih antara anak-anak yang lain, tapi kasih ibu tu sama je untuk semua anak-anak. Menurut Mak, dia faham cara anak-anak sayang dia berbeza-beza.

I'm not an angel. I have my moments. Though, I always feel that my life are well protected and well executed. Everything happen for perfect reason, despite I see it good or bad. Kerana Allah itu Ada, Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang,…

Goodbye Hard Time


Oh well... I have had a sad February and an intense March. April...? Let just say I choose to be happy this April. Life is already hard. Do you possibly believe it is that easy to be born into this world? Anyway, life is already hard, why wouldn't I choose to make it better. Furthermore, I feel like I was making a fool out of myself and making other people feel miserable too. That is so totally not cool.

I know sometime it is hard to keep smiling. I am so not going to prevent anyone from acknowledging your feeling correctly. Go ahead. If you are sad, than be sad. I did. Take your time and you must make sure you smile back ASAP. Please try not to give toooooo much time to sadness.

Like I said, beautiful lady shouldn't be sad and brooding all the times. Save yourself from wrinkles, my dear. If you are going to live in this world, you might want to consider being a beautiful fighter. Who says you have to be ugly to win?

Here's something from Gossip Girl. I love B…

About Us - Part 4: Kick Start


Note: For those who know what's happening to me today, maybe you'd expect me to write something about it. I did thought about that. But when I think again I feel like I still have plenty of nice memories I can share.

I can say that he is the kick start of the day... or maybe in my life.
Always a wonderful beginning.

During our early years, he sent me nice morning greetings. Those greetings never failed to cheer my day. He would called me Princess, but I like it the most when he called me 'Aini; never missed the apostrophe. But the sweetest was when he would SMS me for Subuh prayer. I pray for a moment of truth.

I love his morning calls; when he woke me up from my deep sleep. Though not on daily basis or that often, it was a small gesture that brightens the day. Ask Sleeping Beauty and Snow White what they felt... well, I felt better! For I don't need evil spell on spindle or apple to meet my Prince Charming.

He is a morning person. We spent more time on bre…

Gadis Origami

I Have Allah...


To whom it may concern,

I am begging you to stop thinking that you are sparing me from miserable life experience. I know you meant no harm, and I am not blaming you. But you must understand that sometime good deeds could hurt. You have tried, I know, but the method is not effective. I am hurt.

I don't need protection. All I need is the truth, an explanation.
I'm no baby, I'm a mature woman.

I'll feel bad, I'll get angry, and I might wish I am dead.
I'll break, I'll fall, and I’ll lose.
I'll hate every single truth. I am encouraging you to tell me the tales… Please.

But Allah is with me, you don't have to worry.
"(...) Allah is Sufficient for us! Most Excellent is He in Whom we trust! (…)".