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Getting Out of the Slump

Sometimes I feel like crying will solve everything. When I feel like that, I know I am in the slump - "The New Moon" slump. I called it that because I am in a similar state as Bella Swan in The New Moon after Edward Cullen left her.
"It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest."
"Normal memories were still dangerous. If I let myself slip up, I’d end up with my arms clutching my chest to hold it together, gasping for air..."
These.
It's hard to get out from this state, but I have bounce back before. It took a lot of patience, a lot of determination, a generous amount of support, and most importantly: a strong will.
The strongest will is fueled by living up to the purpose of our creation - to submit and worship Allah.
Crying does solve everything; when you used up all your energy and cry in your solat and doa.
It is always the darkest before the new moon. And stars are the brightest during this time.

I'll find my way - I assure myse…
Recent posts

That's The Way It Is

E-M-N-O-V
That's all you need to spell "move on". Admittedly, it is not that simple. 7 years and I am still in "move on" mode. But -- I can assure that I am "moving on" and I am making a progress.
I like to see this as a learning curve. We learn to love, we learn to trust, and then we learn about heartbreak. Now we learn to nurse that heart. I discover a lot of thing about myself in this 7 years. Well, it started off with much pain. Hahaha. But the wisdom I gain from it is precious.
One must continue living to experience it all.
The first thing to do is to acknowledge it. Yes I am going through this and this. Yes I am feeling this and this. Mindfulness -- it's my new favorite word. It means you're aware of your feeling. If you don't know where it hurts, you can't nurse it.
Secondly, pick up and hold on to the positive element in your life. Buttttttt, do not involve in rebound thingy. It is because in moment like this, it is easy to fe…

The Dejavu of a Surprise

Sesetengah manusia Allah anugerahkan dengan kelebihan tertentu. They are gifted. Kelebihan yang mereka sendiri tidak tahu kenapa mereka miliki, melainkan ia adalah kehendak Allah. Kehendak Allah semata-mata.
Gerak hati atau instinct adalah salah hati dari kelebihan yang banyak. Some people just know. They just... know.
Modern world always has this question: Is it a curse or a gift?
Mana mungkin anugerah Allah satu sumpahan.
Somehow, it show the way and bring them to places... places they need to go.
Somehow, it prepares them.

It's Just a Day

Today is another tough day. Well, it feels tougher - but I have survive many days like this.
A colleague blow up on me. I irate a colleague badly today. That's the beginning of everything: people starts being honest and the truth come flooding.
I don't know - I really don't know - how I could have offended other people. I am the type who either stand in or walk away. I was scolded, I was put on my place, and I have had arguments. I am aware of that.
But most of the time, I am just here, sitting at my cubicle, doing my job. I thought if I talk less, comment less, gossip less, it would lessen the probability of any inconvenience caused by my personality. Oh yes, I am aware that I am a difficult person. That's why I choose to stay away from other people when the going got tough.
So self-aware and crying, I sent this to the closest colleague: If I have wronged you, tell me. So that I can apologize properly. If I have flaws, tell me. So that I can improve. Please do not resen…

My Sister's Wedding

Alhamdulillah, urusan pernikahan Fatin berjalan dengan lancar. So many things happen within a short time. They were engaged in May, and around October/November they decided to get married in December as per planned; 24/25th December to be exact, the busiest time of the year. I was typically unhappy with the short notice, because I was being selfish, because I know I can't commit 100% to the wedding preparation within that time frame. Tapi kalau dah jodoh dan dah takdir macam tu...
The date. Mak dan Abah bernikah dan kenduri pada tarikh yang sama. Fatin even get a bridal outfit that is very similar to the one our parents wore on their reception day - songket merah dengan bunga emas. Yes, I was aware the whole time.
Honestly, I was clueless. I don't know what to do. Masa Hakim kahwin, Mak ada dan Mak was the one making plans and making things happened. Kami mengikut je. When Abah re-married, erm, it was his second wedding... To that, I go through a scary ride of emotional rolle…

A Note to Myself

When I broke up, I leave everything - I mean *everything* - behind and move on. Today, that is the stupidest decision I made. I should have stayed in that dimension, make gallons of lemonade, and keep being awesome in something I am good at. He broke my heart and made me cry, and I let go all possible opportunities because I want to disconnect from him. Nope. It doesn't sound so cool. Anyway, it was one of the hardest moments in my life. I was getting rid as many as I can from my sinking ship. I survive and I get another chance in life.
Today I almost make the same mistake. I almost walk away from another dimension just because it gets more acidic from the lemons thrown at me - a partner is giving me a hard time.
*stomping my feet*, *chin up* This is *my* world. I have work hard for this. I am not going to stop and step away just because some people makes it little harder. I refuse to do that.
It will be painful, I will cry, and I might need more counselling session. I'll tak…

Rainbow Make Me Cry

Menangis. Menangis sebab lepas hujan pagi ni pelangi tak kelihatan. I want to stay in my car longer and wait for it, but duty call. Adakah aku menangis kerana tak nampak pelangi dalam ruang waktuku, or did I cried because I can't have the extra waiting time to wait for a rainbow? Pelangi bukan sentiasa muncul setiap kali lepas hujan. Am I going to cry every time? Hujan diturunkan bukan untuk mencipta pelangi. Hujan diturunkan oleh Maha Pencipta untuk menghidupkan bumi.
There's rainbow forming somewhere, anyway; with or without rain.
Hold on there, dear darling. Hold on a little longer. Masa gembira bukan selamanya. So does bad times.