Thursday, December 31, 2009

Avatar - Movie Review


The best Sci-Fi movie!

I love every part of it.
Pandora; especially.
The expression, Neytiri specifically.
The technologies.
The music.
The language - that is specially created by a linguistic professor.
What not to like about Avatar? :D

Back at office, I watched the Making of Avatar. I am awed by James Cameron's determination to make Avatar happen. James, you are right to wait (since 1994) for the technology to catch up with you vision of this film.
I am not surprise why I like the facial expression so very much. Special camera was used to capture the facial expressions. That is a WOW; I am all aching to see/hold/learn the camera.

Experiencing Pandora

Pandora was a fascinating place. It's a place that only exists in imagination rather than outer space. The vibrant colors left audience speechless. At first you'll only see green everywhere, thick-mysterious-and-danger forest. But when the night came, you'll see the real Pandora.

The idea was that life in Pandora is like a chain. A balance. A cycle. What's given will have to be given back to nature. Neytiri represent Pandora's spirit very well. I remember stepping into the world of Pandora while Neytiri mourn over the creature she killed to safe Jake and when she said: “this is not something you thanked for, this is sad... They aren’t supposed to die”.

My advice, please open up yourself to Pandora. Don't be an imagination killer by arguing whether Pandora and the Na'vi make sense. Don't argue on the possibilities of having the Avatar project real. Enjoy Pandora. Be Jake - join the Omaticaya clan as empty cup and explore Pandora from their eyes.

Experiencing Love

Pandora itself was a lovable place. You fall in love with Pandora. You want to be there.

From the curiosity of science, Grace and her team explore Pandora. She knows it by heart, she give in her life to Pandora. She dies defending Pandora.

The ways Neytiri interact with Pandora define a true and pure relationship. I am not sure if they hired a body language expert or am I just too sensitive about it; but yes, Neytiri signifies the love the Na'vi has for Pandora. It was like she is a part of Pandora and Pandora is a part of her - as if Pandora could love her back. Another one was when the Hometree destroyed. Cries echoed and you can hear hearts broken.

Jake and Neytiri falling in love with each other are typical and predictable. There's not much to write about it, really. It's like Pocahontas, alien version. But still, their love was beautiful. It's the kind of love you can feel reaching and touching your heart.

If you are at Jake's place, you'll believe that falling in love with the Na'vi (not even Neytiri) is impossible. If you are at Neytiri's place, there's no space at all for a creature like Jake. So what makes a creature named Jake special or a blue-glittering alien beautiful?
I don't know about Jake, but Neytiri is a beautiful character for me. She's as beautiful as Pandora.

Falling in love in Pandora is beautiful.

Dialogue, Language and Culture

James Cameron said: "We're creating an entire world, a complete ecosystem of phantasmagorical plants and creatures, and a native people with a rich culture and language." (Wikipedia)

He did it!
Avatar is a new world, very much complete and real. James wrote great script. Together with Dr. Paul Frommer (linguist and Director of the Center for Management Communication at USC), they developed the Na'vi language and culture. The production team also worked with an ethnomusicologist, Wanda Bryant for the Na'vi's music culture.

There's something about the dialogue spoke by Neytiri that touches my heart... or it's the voice and diction of Zoë Saldaña. Neytiri's dialogue shows her wisdom and her status as the Omaticaya's princess.

Me and Avatar

Avatar is a product of dream and hard work. James Cameron is the big money director and the Gs represent literally through the movie.Go and watch it.


Bye 2009 Hey 2010


2009 was a tough year.
What can I say about 2009? Now that it has come to the end what can I say about it - can't hate it, didn't love it either. Life-changing events has happen the most this year. Those events were events that flexed every cell in me, changing me.

It's a good improvement, though. If I were a house, architecturally I am better. I am a new person; a better person - wiser and stronger - even not the most. I feel... different and weird sometime - like a brand new doll. A sensation, if you ask me.

Oh well. InsyaAllah, years are yet to come for me. So far, Allah's plan goes great for me. I am living and breathing because of Him and that is the reason to keep on fighting in this temporary world.

Happy New Year 2010 all!
May Allah bless each days that already passed and may He bless each coming days :D


Thursday, December 24, 2009



*I'm being extremely emotional about Edward due to Eclipse re-reading*
***WARNING: Post contain Eclipse spoiler***

Attraction was an impossible dilemma, because I was already too attracted to Bella in the worst way. Did I want Bella to be attracted to me, a woman to a man? That was the wrong question. The right question was should I want Bella to be attracted to me that way, and that answer was no. Because I was not a human man, and that wasn't fair to her. With every fiber of my being, I ached to be a normal man, so that I could hold her in my arms without risking her life. So that I could be free to spin my own fantasies that didn't end in with her blood on my hands, her blood glowing in my eyes.” ~ Edward Cullen, Midnight Sun

For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours ... all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet.” ~ Twilight

He called you pretty....that's practically an insult, the way you look right now. You're much more than beautiful.” ~ Twilight

Before you my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there where stars - points of light & reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire, there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you where gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black.” ~ New Moon

I’ll be back soon so you won’t have time to miss me.
Look after my heart – I’ve left it with you
.” ~ Eclipse

"I’ll never forgive myself for leaving you. Not if I live a hundred thousand years." ~ Eclipse

"You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours." ~ Eclipse

But if you ever bring her back damaged again — and I don’t care whose fault it is; I don’t care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head — if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand that, mongrel?" ~ Eclipse

My heart is just as silent. And it, too, is yours." ~ Eclipse

Isabella Swan? I promise to love you forever — every single day of forever. Will you marry me?" ~ Eclipse


Before I know the lovely Mr. Cullen, I only used to King Edward VII, which is my brother's school [Errr... I'm not sure why I have to mention this]. And to tell you the truth, the sound of "Edward" was not capturing, at all.

But yes, Jacob Black and all that don’t understand this feeling; Edward is like a drug and I, I don't mind being a drug addict. It's not about the look or the fortune, I'd rather him to have neither of it - I love him. [Sort of Bella's reply to Jacob in Eclipse].

To guys who are being incredulously jealous over Edward; don't blame us for loving a [mythical] charming creature named Edward Cullen. And DO NOT; do not hate him for being what a girl wants. Blame yourself [or some of your species] for being a testosterone jerk. Now, start working on being a gentleman.

To guys who perceive Edward's gentleman act as old fashion and not cool and sorts; start chewing your fingers. You guys are being absolute moron for thinking that girls are over what you define as "macho" and by suppressing a guy's softer side and by being egoistic to your love. Pack up all that nonsense and move on. And to guys who being gooey-ly gentleman, please, grow up. Do not taint the manner with your overreaction.

If you have trillions of questions on why Edward is the guy, please take my advice and read the novels and watch the movies. Stop living in denial and accept the fact. Denials over truth don’t make you smarter as it didn't make you weaker.

For a love like Edward, I'd be more than happy to be a vampire. Like a girl, being loved appropriately - you guys would be surprise on how it changed everything. We have plenty of jerk on this planet and it would help as it help in global warming, if some of you start to be nicer.


Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Time Traveler's Wife - End; Part 2


I am so into The Time Traveler's Wife; even blogging about the reading progress brings so much passion.

This is an extension of previous blog post. Here are the excerpts towards the end of the book that I felt responsible to share. The first one is a part of Henry's letter to Clare and the second one is Clare's final words.
As emotional as I am, these phrases made me cry. Read with heart and enjoy your journey...


A Letter to be Opened in the Event of My Death
pg 574 - 577

Clare, I want to tell you, again, I love you. Our love has been the thread through the labyrinth, the net under the high-wire walker, the only real thing in this strange life of mine that I could ever trust. Tonight I feel that my love for you has more density in this world than I do, myself: as though it could linger on after me and surround you, keep you, hold you.

I hate to think of you waiting. I know that you have been waiting for me all your life, always uncertain of how long this patch of waiting would be. Ten minutes, ten days. A month. What an uncertain husband I have been, Clare, like a sailor, Odysseus alone and buffeted by tall waves, sometime wily and sometimes just a plaything of the Gods. Please, Clare. When I am dead. Stop waiting and be free. Of me - put me deep inside you and then go out in the world and live. Love the world and yourself in it, move through it as though it offers no resistance, as though the world is your natural element. I have given you a life of suspended animation. I don't mean to say that you have done nothing. You have created beauty, and meaning, in your art, and Alba, who is so amazing, and for me: for me you have been everything.

It's dark, now, and I am very tired.
I love you, always. Time is nothing.


CLARE: This morning everything is clean; the storm has left branches strewn around the yard, which I will presently go out and pick up: all the beach's sand has been redistributed and laid down fresh in an even blanket pocked with impressions of rain, and the daylilies bend and glisten in the white seven a.m. light. I sit at the dining room table with a cup of tea, looking at the water, listening, Waiting.

Today is not much different from all the other days. I get up at dawn, put on slacks and a sweater, brush my hair, make toast, and tea, and sit looking at the lake, wondering if he will come today.
It's not much different from the many other times he was gone, and I waited, except that this time I have instructions: this time I know Henry will come, eventually. I sometimes wonder if this readiness, this expectation, prevents the miracle from happening. But I have no choice. He is coming, and I am here.

pg 592; The End



I am a traveler. I am always excited to travel. I am the traveler.
Because I belong to nowhere, I travel from this place to other place(s) where my presence makes sense and where my soul could rest.

But my dear, traveling is tiring. I'm always a loner for each journey and forever a visitor. A traveler dreamed of staying, too.
This heart of mine, an open book, a traveler's journal - are we that hard to read?


Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Time Traveler's Wife - End


[Background song: Broken by Lifehouse]

It's been a while since I finished reading the Time Traveler's Wife and I am still not quite sure on how to write the finality of the book.

"Clare, I want to tell you, again, I love you. Our love has been the thread through the labyrinth, the net under the high-wire walker, the only real thing in this strange life of mine that I could ever trust. Tonight I feel that my love for you has more density in this world than I do, myself: as though it could linger on after me and surround you, keep you, hold you. (...) I love you, always. Time is nothing." ~ Henry's letter to Clare; after his death~

This book has a special personification that detained time in its own hourglass. You are personally here and there, where Henry and Clare were - witnessing their twisted fate. It was a sensation of moving through ticking seconds from inside a transparent capsule.

The book's main theme were "waiting" and "leaving" - two common events that happen in our daily life. Both who waits and leaves share one thing that is "returning". The empty dimension between it is what known as "longing". It was a challenging journey to read over these three things, especially the longing. They were well written and become significant and so real on you. Audrey Niffenegger wrote The Time Traveler's Wife uniquely.

Time was like chains all over Henry’s body - dragging him to the past, slamming him to the future and brings him back to the present. Due to unexplainable genetic impairment, Henry's biological clock reset beyond ordinariness and he was forced to jump through time unwillingly. Clare was the one person who always in all dimension - his past, his present and his future. Clare was the only real thing in Henry's life; his sole soul mate and love.

What it will be like if you have to wait all your life? What it will be like if you hold an hourglass and looking at every single sand that runs through it all the time? That is Clare; she waits for Henry all her life. Her waiting were intense and she has been doing it since she was 6 years old until the age of 82! Time spin around Clare; slower for each waiting and faster for each meeting. She knows everything but yet, there's plenty more surprises.

Clare's forever waiting captured my attention and interest the most; as I, [if I may say] coincidently in my own waiting. My waiting is nothing like Clare's, [but still waiting] thus I adore her for the patience and passion to wait for Henry. Clare is a personal character for me, she's personal; she exists and I see her in my mirror.

Waiting was never easy. It's a spiral of madness and patience that tangled around your rationality. Being rational rarely help and being mad feels like jumping from a very high place into eternal thin air. Patience come and go - sometime you wish it just vanish but when it's about to slip away from you, you hold on tighter. You believe that each time you really want to stop you are making the biggest mistake in your life. And ironically, you feel opposite way, too.

When I begin my reading, I focused more on Clare. In the middle of the book, I came to understand the book from Henry's part. Clare represents options we have in life - Clare chooses to stay and wait. On the other hand, Henry represents what all of us wish for - an escape door. Only for Henry, it's too many of unnecessary doors. He lived without options.

I am not a time traveler, so I don't know how it's like :D But through Audrey Niffenegger's writing I experienced what Henry might have felt. The strongest was confused - I was so confused with the date and time and the age. Henry will ask Clare, or himself, or whoever he met during the travel; I flip the page to check.
The next one would be frustration. All Henry wanted was to stay and to be where Clare is. Clare is the most beautiful thing ever happen in Henry's life and being with Clare calmed Henry. Wouldn't it be the total frustration when you are apart from the sole meaning of your life?

Patience and acceptance are two key values possessed by Henry and Clare. These elements surrounded their passionate love life. You could feel it throughout your reading. It was so deep, in each word spoken and each conversation they had.

I would like to recommend The Time Traveler's Wife for you next reading. It's a love story you never read or heard before. It's full of emotions!

Below song, Broken by Firehouse is the movie's soundtrack. The lyric can help you to understand the book better...


by Lifehouse
Original Soundtrack of The Time Traveler's Wife

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Princess and the Frog - Movie Review


"Fairytales can come true; You gotta make 'em happen, it all depends on you"
~ Excerpt from "Almost There" from Princess and the Frog movie.

Above phrase made Princess and the Frog different from any other fairy tales - it's a dialogue from Tiana's father.

Princess and the Frog promote new value in princesses - fairy tales can come true, but it depends on princesses' effort. In most of fairy tales, princesses were always wishing upon a star, did nothing but waiting (and singing). Suddenly their wish granted by a fairy and the Prince Charming would come and break all spell... and they live happily ever after. The End.

A princess can do more than just wishing, waiting, singing and being pretty. We princesses can be delicate and graceful, we cried our heart out over small matters, but we are not disabled. Princesses have other dream other than her Prince Charming, and princesses can and will work to achieve her dreams. This is 21st century; you can't get anything just by having pretty face! Hey, I don't have any issue with other fairy tales' princesses, but life is fair. Whomever worked hard to achieve their dreams, they deserve the happily ever after ending :D

Tiana - Disney's first African-American princess - was not a princess; in fact there's no princess in this movie. She is just as normal as any other girl, grew up to be a normal woman with her little girl dreams. Again, this is 21st century - there's no real princess; all girls are princesses in the heart of the one who love them. I believe women nowadays are smart enough to understand that. [Psssttt... I wonder who'd want to be a princess; all trapped in a palace, not able to fly high to reach the stars... Like a nightingale in a golden cage]

Don't get me wrong, but it was a relief that the prince is not the Prince Charming with his white horse. Well, I'm bored with the Prince Charming crap already. Move on! Prince Naveen is broke from his lifestyle and obviously being ignored by his parents. He is either to find a job or to marry a rich girl - in this case Charlotte, Tiana's all-rich-and-spoiled best friend. Now, that sounds more realistic. I know it's wrong and not so kind for a princess to have this thought [bla bla bla] but I enjoyed the scene where Prince Naveen admitted that he have no skill at all, even to minced mushrooms. Look guys, it's ok if you are not perfect as long as you could commit and love us perfectly. Each time you're trying to be the person you're not, you turn into jerks. [I have this thought while writing; don't you girl even wonder why Prince Charming always arrive to save the day at the end of the tales? I wonder if the white horse is too tired from running through Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Rapunzel, etc. Hahaha!]

The Songs...
My favorites are "Almost There", "When We're Human", "Dig A Little Deeper", "Ma Belle Evangeline" and of course Ne-Yo's exclusively written song for the movie "Never Knew I Needed".

Wrap up!I love it, just my cup of hot chocolate. 10/10. I'm watching it for the second time tonight.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009



Monday, 14 December 2009.
Our rented house was burgled.
I lost a Lumix FX33 digital camera - luckily the memory card was with me, my old hand phone - with all the phone numbers, birth dates and precious love messages, and a full froggy bank with estimated MYR150+ in it. Total loss: MYR2500+

It was shocking.
I came home to find Aida alone at the hall, telling me that "our house has been burgled; rooms were thrashed and Naimah lost her laptop". And I knew it, I've lost my camera and the froggy bank... and my back pack - the burglar thrashed everything inside it and used it to carry all the stolen items... and the phone - the last thing I notice. Total house loss: MYR6000+ - Iffa’s digital camera and Naimah’s laptop. What’s lost is lost. We sad and angry, but we were grateful that none of us was taking half day yesterday. I couldn’t imagine anyone of us being in the house the same time with the burglar. He might use a knife to open the doors! Alhamdulillah, Ya ALLAH…

We are redha with the happening. It was fated to happen. [I did ask Abah to find a bomoh - and I don't care even if the bomoh befriend with the other world.. Silly 'Aini :p] Of all days, yesterday was the day the grill door was not locked. There's no point (at all) to blame anybody, though, as it's everyone's responsibility.

The policemen came at 10 pm. They took pictures, draw the house plan, asking questions... even help to nailed back the door. I know it's just for documentation purposes, but I feel better when they show that they care. Maybe 4 of us looked so fragile and weak :D

They left and I was left with my topsy-turvy room. My clothes were all over the place and I have more for laundry. I hate the burglar so much! Can't he just take everything neatly??!

Sleeping was hard last night. When everyone was in their own room, the house felt especially emptier. I felt my room emptier and quieter. Lay on my bed, I said: A stranger was in this room. He walked to every corner, touching every surface; and I saw his traces, his figures. I woke up 3.30 am - shocked from a dream I can't remember and my throat was so sore.

It's scary, knowing the house you are living and the room you are sleeping - no longer a safe place. There's no place to hide since locks didn't work. This house I once called a home; feel so fragile.

"He changes all locks; only to put up more locks - lock on the doors, lock on the windows, lock on locks." ~ Ninja Assassins.

What happened was not good. But things don’t happen for nothing.
Muhasabah. Could be I miss used or offended someone all the belongings, could be the money I’ve been saving belongs to someone else or I’m about to use it for something lagha, could be I need to lose these things so that I could stay humane…
Losing valuable things was never easy, but we lost seconds each ticking clock – losing happen every second, every day. Losing teach us to appreciate.
Bad time gathers good hearts. In time like this, we stand shoulder to shoulder, we stay close heart to heart.

I pray,
May ALLAH gives us all patience, acceptance and strength to get through this…May ALLAH bless the burglar with wealth and health; so that he can stop doing this job.

1) The Lumix FX33 was my first camera. I bought it with my first working saving - cash! The idea was to capture as many moments as I can.
2) The hand phone was an old model of Nokia. It was my first new hand phone - since I've been using a second hand from the beginning. I bought it at Sarawak with my own saving and a small amount from Mak. It's precious for all messages in it - messages that I'd want to remember for all my life :(
3) The froggy bank - Elliot Moore was his name - was bought with Jehan. He was named after a character in The Happening. I was planning to bank in the money and buy something with it.


Monday, December 14, 2009

From Arau with Love...


For friends who follow my Facebook's status on Saturday; 5 December 2009, you'd probably know that I took a train from Arau to Butterworth and stand all the way. It was a 100 years worth of journey and experience!

I was attending my housemate's wedding and eventually I was the lucky bridesmaid :D It was her husband's side's reception and since I bailed on her wedding reception, it's a must-attend event. Due to I had another wedding invitation the next day, I decide to go back to Penang right after the wedding - with the bridesmaid dress. Long story short, there was no bus and I was suggested to ride on a train instead.

The train; Ekpress Langkawi (EL7) was supposed to arrived at 5.30 pm, but delayed until 6.40 pm. The KTM staff notified me that seat not guaranteed for trip to Butterworth and I can find any empty seat throughout the journey. I was not in the mood to be fussy, with additional motivation from Naimah and Kak Chik - I said OK.

I didn't expect that the train would be so full of human being. I know it's a typical mind set - but hey, who rides on train? - even KTM have to do promotions on that. Seat-not-guaranteed’s passengers were all over any possible empty space in the train - with additional of illegal passenger. '

I ended up in front of the Surau together with other people. I stood there, wearing my cream-white baju kurung [not to mention with henna on my 10 fingers]. I would've sat on the floor if my baju kurung was not that white and clean. So I took a deep breath, put up a smile and stood there quitely. I was out from my sandal after 30 minutes of journey.

Due to tiredness, I can't recall when the train reached Butterworth. It was probably past 10 pm. I was about to crumble into pieces when the train finally stopped; I was so grateful to set my foot on the platform -- I can barely feel them...

There were two things in my mind: 1) walking from KTM Butterworth to Ferry Terminal, 2) walking from Bus stop to my rented house. Both were me-walking-alone-at-night trip.

My walk from KTM Butterworth to Ferry Terminal was... SCARY. The walk-way [more to a tunnel, to me] was dimly lit and too isolated; especially after 10 pm. I can assure you, the possibility for kidnapping or harassment while walking there is very high. Even screaming seems useless. My question: Why Penang allowed this deadly walk-way to exist on his land. To make my paranoia worse, a guy who was walking on the opposite way (Ferry Terminal-KTM Butterworth) stopped and asked me whether the walk-way headed to Ferry Terminal and he was following me the next seconds! Luckily I have the ability to walk so fast that the guy finally stops his effort to followed closer. Well, there was a possibility that the guy got lost, but it was after 10 pm and I'm all alone and so isolated from other human being! If I could turn into a vampire, I would :p

I took the last RapidPenang bus to Gelugor at 11.30 pm. Slowly, my muscles started to feel relief. The journey was serene; Penang at night can be fascinating. All the lights sort of welcoming me home and in the same time, calming me. You'd rarely have the chance to enjoy the scenery calmly, without other passengers squeezing you. Most of the time, buses in Penang full of passengers. I reached my rented house exactly at 12 am - Alhamdulillah! - still in one piece.

The next thing, I was sleeping on the couch with my foot in a basin full of warm water! Hahahaha.

It was a tiring journey but I saw interesting event before my eyes; especially the fact that I was standing in front of the Surau. I never know that there is a Surau on a train. I was surprised to see passengers keep on coming in for Solat. On that day, the koch I was riding in was out of water -- no water for ablution. All those Muslims; brothers and sisters have to travel to another koch, swimming through ocean of people and get back to the Surau for Solat.

It was a call to witness how human being can be devoted to what made their flesh and blood - if they choose to obey the reason for their existance; rather than giving excuses and taking religious lightly. Islam is a beautiful religion. Islam adalah agama yang sempurna. Islam tidak pernah membebankan penganutnya.

A worth journey, after all...

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Crazy Love


The consciousness of his love makes my heart wants to jump out of my chest and my soul wants to escape from this body of mine; all they want to do is be with him.

Seeing him is all I longed each seconds, but seeing him is the worst moment that makes me greedier and I keep wanting for more seconds... I'm missing him more and more...

This love is hard... and as crazy as I already is, I love it this way.


Thursday, December 3, 2009

New Moon, Finally


Golden Screen Cinema, Queensbay Mall, Penang.
9.50 pm, C19.
A moment of truth...


Oh my... I have so many things to say about New Moon. I'll try to keep it the shortest :D

To Stephanie Meyer for her great writings; to Chris Weitz for sticking to the book, to Melissa Rosenberg for the screenplay, and to the production team of New Moon: Thank you for bringing all my favorite parts into living moments - all are the parts I will read every time. You have done it GREAT.

Oh yes, some people might not agree with me; as some prefer tea over coffee. The world is not perfect and it's okay :p

I know the saga by heart, and I'm not watching New Moon to know the story. I'm watching New Moon to see it in flesh and blood (and abs if I may add), to witness the moments being pictured by different minds and to give credit to the team for their effort in bringing a fiction to real life.

New Moon the movie is just like New Moon the book. Hate the beginning; hate the no-Edward-and-all-Jacob. I've been reading New Moon consistently to get all the depression out of my system, so I could enjoy the work I've been following all this while. And yes, I don't cry - I've cried and depressed the first time I read the book - don't plan to recall that.

There's a lot of improvement in New Moon: better color; better script; better screenplay; better actions; better expressions; better hair and makeup and costumes; better acting from the cast - Kristen have always been great, love her for being sad for New Moon. Rob, he is finally becoming the Edward Cullen - softer, more real, more charming, and forever SWOON! Taylor is the new hot stuff, can't get enough of him. The credit should go to the casting team: they have chosen correct actors/actresses. I was all excited to see the characters and none of them disappoint me.

I understand why there are people who walk out of the cinema all hooked up to Mr. Jacob Black. He was pictured lovely and what-not-to-love in New Moon the movie; and not to mention that Mr. Taylor Lautner himself is sort of beautiful. If I have not read the book and don't have this issue with Jacob Black tried to snatch Bella from Edward, I might just as well fall for him. Luckily, Edward Cullen still hold the heart :D Hahahaha! But yes, I don't hate Jacob in the movie.

I enjoyed every seconds watching New Moon. Most probably I will watch it again, next time with spectacles for better sight :D Below is some critiques and what I like about New Moon.

Until next time.

P/S: Can’t wait for Eclipse!

I wish every line were turn into movie, exactly as the book. But that would be silly and would be a more than 2 hours movie. Even in speech, we tend to go different from what we've wrote. Happen to movies adapted from novels.

The scenes selected were almost perfectly correct. But I must say that I can't get enough moments to capture the emotion. The movie was too fast. 3 crucial parts that from my POV are the core to New Moon: 1) The depth of Bella and Edward's love, 2) The breakup scene, and 3) the cliff diving scene. It would be better if they spent more time to picture Edward and Bella's relationship deeper as introduction and then slam the audience with the breakup scene.

The breakup scene: Audiences are supposed to feel really, really sad about it. I did when I first read the book. It was a heart-stopping moment; a love, life, meaning... end kind of thing. Cliff diving: Like I mentioned in my previous blog post, this scene shows how Bella misses Edward and can't live without him. That is the final act of an abandoned love.

I am pleased to hear more lines from the book spoken in the movie. But I'm not that fond when some were spoken in different scenes. It was kind of distracting since I have the New Moon played from the book with correct dialogues in my mind. Oh well, at least the lines were spoken :D

The music: I love Alexandre’s Desplat, Anya Marina’s Satellite Heart and Muse’s I Belong to You played in the movie. I recognize another one or two and that’s all. Hmm… Not so convincing and breath taking this time. The soundtrack is a little bit too avant-garde for me.

Apart from that, New Moon is a good production.

Mental note:
# Love the birthday morning scene at school, where Edward was approaching Bella. I was like, Oh My God! *swoon* Alexandre Desplat's was the background music.
# Love Alice Cullen's first appearance, swinging herself down the stairs. And of course, when Jasper said: Happy... Never mind :D
# When Edward was repeating over the Romeo & Juliet's... that was really awesome! I'd like to watch that scene over and over again. He sounded so here and real.
# The breakup scene was pictured vividly. If I was not making New Moon immune to my system, I'd probably cried my heart out. But I wonder why they change Edward's line from "Yes" to "No".
# The passing time: I felt the emptiness and the longing and the missing. A standing ovation over the creativity. It's better than my mental model, with Bella walking lifelessly.
# When Bella was approaching the bikers and saw Edward's image for the first time: My heart said: It's him, the one man I misses so very much. Oh ya, like the hole in my heart was filled in.
# Jacob: Bella arrived with the bikes and Jacob was running towards her. The smile on his face is like the sun - he looks really happy, a sincere happiness. I felt sudden warmth emerging from my heart after all the coldness and sullenness of Bella.
# In cinema: It's hilarious!
# Always my favorite of Bella/Kristen Stewart's: The expression of seeing Edward's image (from the birthday morning scene) fading. Timeless.
# Love the wolf pack! The production has chosen the right actors to play the wolves. The actors were exactly the kind of guys who descend from wolf.
# The wolves' transformation: Great job!
# At Emily's: The muffin is exactly as I'd imagine :D But have to agree with other Twi-fans, the scar doesn't look much like wolf's job.
# The cliff diving: WOW! But I wish they have included the scene where Bella gave up and say: Good bye, I love you. They rearrange it into the meadow part with Laurent. The line would have sounded more effective in the cliff diving scene.
# Edward's reaction believing Bella's death: He looked so sad, so much in pain, especially when he was meeting the Volturri for their decision on his death proposal. Good job, Rob! I must say that Rob's acting skill as Edward has improved.
# The Volterra scene: Awesome! The yellow 911 Turbo was astounding, the red cloak was mesmerizing. It was another perfect scene from the book.
# Jane: Dakota Fanning is the Jane!
# The Volterra fighting scene: What can I say more? There' nothing not to like about it. It was fast, it was smooth. Yes, not in the book but a good add up.
# THE PROPOSAL: The best scene. Love Edward's crooked smile. I actually change my name to Isabella Marie Swan and said YES :p

Wednesday, December 2, 2009



I was feeling... disappointed.
"Same old, same old", I said.
Then ALLAH sent a song to me.
A song so soothing; that I can feel the blaze inside me dying with each "Allah knows".

Yes, HE knows.


Allah Knows
Zain Bhikha

When you feel all alone in this world
And there's nobody to count your tears
Just remember, no matter where you are
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you're carrying a monster load
And you wonder how far you can go
With every step on that road that you take
Allah knows
Allah knows

No matter what, inside or out
There's one thing of which there's no doubt
Allah knows
Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you find that special someone
Feel your whole life has barely begun
You can walk on the moon, shout it to everyone
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you gaze with love in your eyes
Catch a glimpse of paradise
And you see your child take the first breath of life
Allah knows
Allah knows

No matter what, inside or out
There's one thing of which there's no doubt
Allah knows
Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you lose someone close to your heart
See your whole world fall apart
And you try to go on but it seems so hard
Allah knows
Allah knows

You see we all have a path to choose
Through the valleys and hills we go
With the ups and the downs, never fret never frown
Allah knows
Allah knows

No matter what, inside or out
There's one thing of which there's no doubt
Allah knows
Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows
Allah knows

Every grain of sand,
In every desert land, He knows.
Every shade of palm,
Every closed hand, He knows.
Every sparkling tear,
On every eyelash, He knows.
Every thought I have,
And every word I share, He knows. Allah knows

The Time Traveler's Wife [535]: Feet


"CLARE: Henry is sleeping on the sofa with a book spread open on his chest. Borges's Ficciones. He is shaved and I lean over him and breathe; he smells fresh, his damp gray hair sticking up as always. Alba is chattering with Teddy in her room. For a moment I feel as though I've time traveled, as though this is some stray moment from before, but then I let my eyes travel down Henry's body to the flatness at the end of the blanket, and I know that I am only here and now." pg. 533

Henry lost his feet.
Henry is depressed.
Clare is depressed.

I feel depressed, too.

I understand clearly when Clare said: "For a moment I feel as though I've time traveled, as though this is some stray moment from before, but then I let my eyes travel down Henry's body to the flatness at the end of the blanket, and I know that I am only here and now". She needs an escape door with a big-glowing EXIT sign - unlock. When the one we love suffer, we suffered too. Being there, witnessing without any ability to ease the pain - I'd want to sprang away and run, run and run. But when you finally realized that that is your reality, you stumble through the steps.

Reading through Clare's was always emotional and hard. Clare's was like a deadly-spiral staircase; and I always feel the need to hold on tight to the handrail. Sometime I feel like seconds move slower around Clare, like the sand in her hourglass got clogged somewhere.

Henry and Clare will get through this, I know.
All true love does.


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Time Traveler's Wife [424]: Babies


*Background music: Broken by Lifehouse*
~ The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight, Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time~

"CLARE: I was completely drunk with the notion of a baby: a baby that looked sort of Henry, black hair and those intense eyes and maybe very pale like me and smelled like milk and talcum powder and skin, a sort of dumpling baby, gurgling and laughing at everyday stuff, a monkey baby, a small cooing sort of baby. I would dream about babies. In my dreams I would climb a tree and find a very small shoes in a nest; I would suddenly discover that the cat/book/sandwich I thought I was holding was really a baby; I would be swimming in the lake and find a colony of babies growing at the bottom. (...) I wanted someone to love who would stay: stay and be there, always. And I wanted Henry to be in this child, so that when he was gone he wouldn't be entirely gone, there would be a bit of him with me... insurance, in case of fire, flood, act of God." pg. 357-358.

Clare had 6 miscarriages; the 6th was the worse; I felt electrocuted. The baby travel out of Clare!

"CLARE: It's lying on the bed. There's some blood, but not so much. It's lying on its back, trying to breathe, its tiny rib cage quivering, but it's too soon, it's convulsing, and blood is gushing from the cord in time with the beating of its heart." pg. 415

[Stopped at pg. 424]

My reading is a little bit tense lately; as tense as Clare and Henry. They keep losing the babies - Clare's been bleeding and crying, Henry's been blaming himself. They were fighting.

It was very frustrating; but Henry and Clare will have a daughter - Alba DeTamble :) I adjourn my reading there and will be anxious the whole day, hoping to get home ASAP to continue reading it - pg. 425: Alba, An Introduction. Well, as you might as well guess, I have peek through the nicest chapters.. Hahaha.

Babies were created with charm. Those tiny, little fingers, they grab you by the heart and you can't escape forever.

Tulips bloom
Petals by baby's toe
Heart mends and soften


Monday, November 30, 2009

Jacob Black II


I am forever Team Edward.
But I'd choose Jacob in real life.

1st because he is tan :p
2nd because he is real and more practical.
3rd because he is there [when the love, the life and the meaning walk away.].

Full stop.

1st: I have better perception towards normal-skinned-Malay guys. No offense, but tan guys seem more reliable than less tan guys. No fact, but that's what I think.

2nd: He is human, even if half. He is warm, which is good because I don't prefer anything cold (or anyone, in this case).

3rd: I said it once and for all - that love of my life (LOML) shouldn't leave me and shouldn't hurt me no matter for what reason - even if it involve the world peace. Once you leave, you leave for good. As for ‘Jacob’, well, considering LOML left, then I am so single. What's not to love in Jacob, anyway? :D

Anyway, I do believe now, a ‘Jacob’ would not do any harm; especially if the ‘Jacob’ is as hot as Taylor Lautner. LOL!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Spoken Picture


We keep on saying, a picture worth a thousand words. Instead of worth a thousand words, it tells stories - untold stories and stories unknown even by the self.

I am not a photographer and I never learn the art of photographing, but I know from shows I watched on television - what pictures can tell - the photographer's feeling towards his/her model, the models' feeling toward the photographer, the feelings saturated among models.

I've been 'listening' to a picture that speaks aloud stories in it. Of course, it's my desktop wallpaper - a picture of me and my friends, taken during a friend's wedding. I must say, the photographer must have seen it and he captured the moment of us sitting together - loosen up. The picture turns out stunning [what with some enhancement]. We all love it very much.

Then it started to speak.
... he is the boyfriend
... she is the girlfriend
... she used to like him
... he used to like her
... she's comfortable with him
... he find her interesting
... you are someone I know
... we just met


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Time Traveler's Wife [69]


"CLARE: It’s hard being left behind. I wait for Henry, not knowing where he is, wondering if he’s okay. It’s hard to be the one who stays.

I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way.

I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I’m tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that’s been under the snow all winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?

Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship. Now I wait for Henry. He vanishes unwillingly, without warning. I wait for him. Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why has he gone where I cannot follow?"

"HENRY: ...I hate to be where she is not, when she is not. And yet, I am always going, and she cannot follow."

The Time Traveler's Wife was not on my hunting list, but somehow I was torn between Wuthering Heights and Where Rainbows End that day. I really wanted to read Wuthering Heights, but the price is way beyond my budget. As for Where Rainbows End, well, I am not that fond for second choice. A tiny group of my neurons were thinking about getting Aida to watch The Time Traveler's Wife movie; and the next thing I realized was that I am searching for the book. [I bought Wuthering Heights too, but the one under the shadow of Twilight Saga’s promotion; labeled with: Bella & Edward’s Favorite Book - cheaper]

I did what I do best: flipping through the pages, and finally decided to read page 7 - First Date, One. Speeding up my reading, I skipped all Henry's and focused on Clare's [the Wife, ok]. I admit, it was confusing when there are two points of view, like reading The Host from Wanda's then from Mel's. The "click" in my head was when I hit the brake on page 12, and I decided to buy it.

I read the prologue later that evening, realizing what I am reading - it's about waiting. I read it over and over again; immersing into the story. I guess I will always end up reading this kind of books - books that represent strong emotions.

I am reading page 69 until I write this blog post. I came to understand that Henry is a sweet, loving, caring and smart guy [even as a small boy] - plus with confusions when he started to time travelled at the age of 5. As for Clare, well, she was made from titanium for surviving the longing and waiting. Both of them - a cute and great couple.

I have read the ending, so I am sure about that :D

P/S: On the cover of my book, there's a review saying: "Here's the next THE LOVELY BONES... A rare book". I agree on that. This is the 2nd LOVELY BONES, a book uniquely written and one of its kind.


Wedding 1 - Azah & Ariff


If you belong to a clique, probably you have asked this question: Who'll be the first to get married? I consider myself belong to a clique and I have asked the question; and the answer is... Azah Kamarudin.

Azah weds her beloved, Ariff and we were attending their wedding reception on 21 November 2009. Well, 'attending' sounds underrate - we were breaking all the silence and wrecking all the guest protocol :D I hope we brought extraordinary sunshine and happiness into their wedding.

Moments were captured in beautiful pictures - the professional wedding photographer who 'bullied' us with sorts of pose and the candid from Amir, Ikmal and Kamal [waiting to be uploaded!]. Lovely, lovely pictures...

In car I said: Kawen juga Azah *sigh*
It feels like we were just graduated from secondary school yesterday. With Azah already a wife, and Awin, Fahmi and Nana’s wedding around the corner, seem like the hourglass has been turn – the sand is filling the other half.

Looking forward my next wedding invitations!


The pelamin and wedding decorations by Impiana Bridal. Contact per below:
Impiana Bridal
Kak Su: 012-5692960
Kamal: 012-5799709

Official Wedding Pictures by Hisham Mohd Noor:

Friday, November 20, 2009

A Wake Up Story


In the bus, on my way to work; 20th November 2009.
I was lost in my thoughts - mostly thinking about Edward Cullen and his golden eyes - maybe falling asleep as usual when I caught a conversation between two women behind me.

Woman A was telling woman B about her husband falling and marrying another woman! Ouch. What a morning topic. I peek through the mirror and saw her somewhat-calm expression while she spoke.

Then, she was saying:

"My mother in law was asking me, whether the news was true, that her son have married another woman. What else I can say except "I don't know, most probably yes". She said she'll never accept that other woman into her family..."

"He's always texting, even late at night."

"I gave him an ultimatum; to choose between me or the woman. And he claim that he'd want to married that woman but remain our marriage..."

"All patients have its limit. I'm off of it."

I don't know how she manages to tell the story without crying. Listening to her, I felt like I was crumbling into pieces. Imagining speaking the ultimatum to the one man I love... already break my heart.

I know, guys can love more than one woman at a time. But seriously, didn't you see in your spouse's eyes that sharing you is truly, madly, deeply-death threateningly hard? I am far against polygamy. But guys, come on! Cut all the payung-emas crap; cause we'll go straight to hell if we have even the slightest heartfelt over it. To 'enable' the wives the payung emas, the husband himself must be a good Muslim, a good servant.

I am not against polygamy. I am against those stupid guys who misused this Sunnah and suppressed their wives out there.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Not Standing Still


Be not afraid of going slow, be afraid of standing still.

I grew up with above saying. It's something my lovely aunty shared with me - I think she wrote it on a piece of paper and I always see that paper throughout the years. A simple phrase yet motivated - I know it today that it was edited from a Chinese proverb: "Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still."

It's sort of a principle, the way I see and live life. I told myself once and keep on repeating it - giving me peace and sanity each time I learn something new; making me less tense. It tailored my expectation towards other people's effort as well. My world spins fast - which I like it that way, but this phrase manages to keep me calm whenever some element slowed down.

In other words, it saves me from feeling repugnantly less intelligent from others. Hahaha. And - I need to add this - set a goal that no matter how hard the learning was and the fact that I am so not catching up to the pace - I must master the skill and win the race. No excuse for not learning. When talking about effort or making a difference, I can accept slowness, but not stillness.

Monday, November 16, 2009

The Stephanie Meyer


I've just finished watching Stephanie Meyer's interview in the Oprah Winfrey Show; on Youtube.


I don't know who Stephanie Meyer is to others, but she is special to me. She's the author who lured me to start reading English fiction and apparently a combustion of love for reading. Before Twilight Saga, I only read [mostly] non-fictions and fictions that were in line with self-improvement or psychology - stuff like Mitch Albom. But never like Twilight Saga - an epic of something impossible to exist - and other novels.

Thanks to her, my reading frenzy is [insanely] increasing. I feel like forcing her to write new books every month so that I can have material to read. Hahahaha!

She's a phenomenon!

She's a 35 years old stayed-at-home mom turn multi gazillionaire. Despite that she never read vampire books - the only genre she never read - she didn't even write a journal about herself and she never even write a single short story before Twilight Saga. Eventually, Stephanie doesn’t even plan to be an author. [A cute jokes when she said that everyone knows that writing is a bad way to make a living. Ha ha. Gazillionaire!]

She just loves reading. She read Gone with the Wind and Pride and Prejudice at 8! Twilight was only a "dream catalogue" and was only to reconnect to herself. She shared that her boys were having health problem and "none of them slept through the night until they were 2" and she's losing herself at that moment. I like the part when Oprah mention the fact about women like Stephanie - a house wife with 3 boys - "doing the hardest job on earth, staying at home, taking care of their children, and trying to do that well - lose themselves." It is! I guess Twilight is the greatest connection ever :D

"Mama Oprah, you should try it because it's a delicious reading.", said one of Oprah's daughter.

Towards the end, there was a teleconference with Twi-Fans from Bolivar Middle School. There the Twilight Saga has "created culture of literacy", "spread like wildfire", and "it rekindle the love of reading among teachers and students". The library even has a waiting list of thousands for the book - 600 complete sets of Twilight Saga will be send to them!

I couldn't agree more on the stuff shared during the interview. They were all so true. Maybe Twi-Fans just have the same brainwave all around the world [so what?!]. Twilight Saga IS like a wild fire. The word "spreading" suits it very much. And, it is as dangerous as the vampire venom. Once bitten, forever you'll belong to the vampire world.


Sad Happiness


"Rainy season
Frog leap happily
Girl looks out of window sadly"

I have to say and you have to agree with me - that all come in pair. Even sad thing come with something happy. I might be sad of an occurrence [I am sad] but that same occurrence might make someone else happier. Do not deny it and do not "world-is-not-fair" me :p It's a fact, deal with it.

Stuff happen for reason. Look on the bright side.

"Sunshine is delicious,
Rain is refreshing,
Wind braces us up,
Snow is exhilarating;
There is really no such thing as bad weather,Only different kinds of good weather.


Temporary Campus Life


16:37 Saturday 14 November 2009.
I was at USM's Hamzah Sendut Library; just finishing my slides for Monday's presentation - The Pareto Chart - somehow, I was 'joining' Ayu's MBA Accounting group discussion. There were 10 people discussing all-about: accounting and business and management and culture - stuff I have no idea at all. Some of them are taking this course full-time and another half are taking it part time.

Well, I have to thank Ayu for 'inviting' me into her campus life today. It's a very precious moment, to be at USM and being here in this library; observing their discussion. Timeless if I may exaggerate. I think I could sit here forever! [Another exaggeration] I am so missing the campus life...Truly.

Being there, seeing those people's effort in pursuing their ambition flamed the desire in me. [Is it a sign?] The full-timers reminded me of the one I might have been if I studied smarter and harder. As for the part-timers - Ayu, Kak Ira, Khairul - they are the models I pictured myself next. There are decisions I am yet to make.

It's not a waste after all, for being there. 10 people sitting before me - with different background - each inspired me in their own way. I saw leader, I saw thinker, I saw scanner, I saw question-asker, I saw answer-king, I saw tense-breaker, I saw problem-solver... [I saw someone interesting :D] But the most important thing was I saw 10 people reaching out for stars.

Learning is lifetime process. You are never too old or too young, or too busy or too less smart to study. There never exist a boundary, except death - Tuntutlah ilmu sehingga ke liang lahad.

With these inspirations, I want to go home and think of my ambition.


Friday, November 13, 2009

The New Moon and Bella


It's 13 November 2009. I saw a crescent moon this morning from one of my home's window... just like the one for Twilight Saga New Moon. Unfortunately, I forget to capture the moment. *Ugh!!!*

13 days to go before New Moon Malaysia's premier.
Oh, can 26 November please come faster! It's unbearable, this longing and waiting. This is madness.

I am in need to get this New Moon out of my system so that I can continue with my task.

More and more of New Moon on the net each single day. More pictures, more posters, more merchandises, more Kristen, more Edward, and more Jacob. News is flooding my Facebook page from both Twilight and Twilight Examiner. But, the fans would agree with me: We never had enough :D

I'm looking forward to watch the break up scene and the saddest period in Bella's life. Kristen made it so real and I can't wait to feel the "big hole has been punched through my chest" sensation. Kristen's been explaining the break up scene in her interviews - making New Moon even more tempting that ever. I must say, Kristen Stewart is a great actress. [I just realized that Twilight Saga is all about Bella, not Edward]

Another scene I'm dying to watch is the cliff diving. New Moon is nothing to compare with "you jump, I jump" phrase. Bella [really] jump off a cliff into cold water on a stormy day - to hear Edward's voice. Yes, Edward... She was risking her life just to hear your "beautiful, velvet" voice. Even though the scene was filmed in a set and make-real by CGI, it's the moment when every strong woman out there would understand - we're strong, and patient, but all have limits… and here I am pushing myself over the limit - loving and missing you.

Well, I still say that this year and the years ahead IS Kristen Stewart's. I'm beginning to love her as much as I'm beginning to accept Bella. Believe it or not, Kristen IS Bella, she evolved together with the Saga as Bella with Edward.

Tomorrow is another day of waiting.So looking forward to watch New Moon and Isabella Marie Swan.


Thursday, November 12, 2009


This week is our final week with Ummi. Alhamdulillah, Ummi's transfer's application approved and she's on her way back to her beloved family - her caring husband, lovely children and her 1st granddaughter, Aleesya. Though we are so very sad to lose our Ummi, we are happy that Ummi got to be with her family everyday :D

~'Aini & Ummi

Ummi has always been a mother figure of our little home. She is my Ummi even before Mak passed away, more after that. To have her makes our life different in so many ways compare to other; even though we are far away from our love ones, we somehow form a family bonding here on a foreign land. This rented house feels just like home - always warm to come home to.

With Ummi leaving, I not quite sure what to expect. After Ummi's departure, another 3 housemates eventually leaving, too - Kak Maizan (transferred to her hometown), Kak Aju and Kak Mala (graduted from KPLI). And Aida too, after that - her husband transferred from Miri to Penang!!! :D So, I'm losing my Ummi, my sisters and a friend... *sigh with a smile*

Within a split second everyone seems to leave; but I am so very grateful to ALLAH for His Rahman and Rahim, giving us every single precious moments and a family bonding like this. Nobody's luckier than I am!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Dead Decision

I said: It's time to do something for myself. And now I'm hearing a voice singing this phrase from Reflection (I prefer Lea Salonga's version in Mulan):

"...Now I see
That if I were truly to be myself
I would break my family's heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?"

Especially the part: "That if I were truly to be myself, I would break my family's heart".

I am weighing options in my life. There's an urge to make decisions - that happen to have impact to people around me - tough decisions. It feels like I am riding on a very fast transportation without any destination; the GPS giving options of turn - and I can't even put my mind together to make a choice... yet I have to make decision fast. Arrrrrgghhhh!!!

I might explode, someday...

The problem is I can't shout it out - spill the beans. If I did, my family would be panic - because it's not normal for me to have this kind of problem; and it would make other person unease - me being the pushy snob.

If I can be burn, I'm already ashes. If I can explode, I'm already a black hole. At the end of every day, I feel so tired that my knees give up and I crawl - heart and soul - to bed.

Why oh why.

What's worse, this situation leaves me a selfish woman. I can sense that when no longer can take control of it, my mind will be in charged. She will not be that kind for less beneficial options. I know her well. She's the most defensive creature I have ever known.

I don't want that to happen.

"Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?"

Thursday, October 22, 2009

First Haiku


First snow falls
Snowflakes glitter
No love wish

Soft white snow
Landed on my palm
Heart is lonely

Snowflakes melting
On hair and clothes
Chest is cold

Coldness touches earth
Lake froze
Love stood

Winter wind blows
Make me shiver
Tears heated heart

My first haiku.
It was Thursday – a “cloudy and highly-flammable” – as I share with Kak Maz. I felt a pulse inside me rising and pushing me back into the black hole of melancholy.

I just have to emphasize the feelings that reside in me. Haiku; I said. I’d called this “First Snow”.

Sad theme, yes it is. It was because this haiku did inspired by the sadness in me.
Apparently, after this haiku written I was inspired by an oldies song “You’re My Everything” and a sweet and nice and lovely haiku started to fill in the air:

Sun kiss and smiles
Flowers blooming
Love loving


Monday, October 5, 2009

My Song of Joy


There’s a song that keep on playing in my head since I was 10 years old. The song brings along sweetest memory a 10 year old girl could have. It’s Song of Joy.

I grew up memorizing the melody, each single day so that I will not forget about it. I was too young to know who composed it, or how I would be able to find it. Back at that time, internet was not an application all houses were equipped with, not even as mobile or easy accessed as today. Therefore, the best I could do is to mention the title to as many potential people as I can. The return was no one ever knows about it.

Let’s talk about the 10 years old girl and the song, shall we?
A 10 years old girl had a crush on her senior. The boy was predicted to be school’s next best student – he was 12. Well, she’s only a 10 years old girl, living in a small village where news spread like all houses have their doors stick together. So, not much action could be taken, not that she had options; the crush remained as crush. The girl admired the boy.

One day – it was just a normal day – the music teacher called her to the boy’s class. She was selected to be the conductor for so called small orchestra the music teacher formed as for standard 6 students. This so called small orchestra will be playing on school’s prize giving ceremony. “Oh” was all she could say. The music teacher managed to convince the girl and she accepted the news – no option was given.

On the first rehearsal day – her best day – she was standing in front of a group of seniors, waving her hands per instructed – the boy stands right in front of her. The boy stands in front of her! The joy enjoyed every seconds of the rehearsal, glancing the boy’s note – Song of Joy, that’s the title of the melody. It was really a song of joy. No 10 years old girl would be lucky enough to stand at her place. Ever.

The girl’s rehearsal time with the boy continue after school. Did I mention that the boy lived next door? Oh, yes he was! He was the boy next door; not just that, he is the girl’s girl friend’s brother. She listened as the boy played the melody.

That’s the story. I hear the melody whenever the wind blows - not all wind, but a specific wind. It carries the melody in it.

Both of us – grew up: go to secondary school (schools for him), graduated from university – we didn’t have any words since that happen. His family still lives in the same house, next to my grandmother abandoned house. Sometime my family visited his family; his family accepts our invitation or most of the time look after our what’s-left properties.

He is a story. A nice one. He is now a happily married guy – I didn’t get the chance to meet his lucky wife yet. When we met again after both of us graduated, we started to talk like friends, like we have known each other for years – like we should.

Song of Joy is and will remain as a special song to my heart.


Al Kisah Kasih

Akhirnya, runut bunyi untuk drama bersiri Nur Kasih telah mula dimainkan di corong-corong radio. Juga bermaksud mp3 runut tersebut, nyanyian Yasin boleh dimuat turun di internet!

Drama Nur Kasih seolah-olah mengakhiri ketandusan drama bertema keagamaan di Malaysia. Telah sekian lama para penonton disogokkan dengan karya bertema keagamaan dari negara seberang. Apa yang menariknya mengenai Nur Kasih; selain kontroversi para pelakonnya, adalah kebanyakan penonton mula tertarik dengan trailer dan runut bunyinya sebelum dramanya.

Ada yang meletakkan Nur Kasih sebagai drama keagamaan terbaik. Tetapi tidak ada yang sempurna selain DIA. Nur Kasih, dalam membawakan tema dan mesej keagamaan yang mudah dan agak biasa; masih kuat dgn garapan dialog dan olahan skrip serta jalan cerita yang menjadikannya sebuah karya yang menarik. Ditangan Khabir Bhatia serta sinematografinya yang baik, kisah Aidil, Adam, Nur Amina, Ustaz Hassan, Hajjah, Kat, Alia serta lain-lain watak menjadi sebuah pementasan kehidupan bertaraf tinggi.

Uncang Pemikiran Nur Kasih

Dialog/Babak kegemaran:
Babak perbualan Ustaz Hassan bersama Hajjah. Dalam babak tersebut, Ustaz Hassan mengamanahkan beberapa barang untuk Aidil dan Adam kepada Hajjah. Dalam masa yang sama, Ustaz Hassan berasa sedih kerana tiada apa-apa untuk ditinggalkan kepada isterinya. Kata-kata maaf Ustaz Hassan antara lain berkata Hajjah: “isteri orang ada intan berlian…“; lantas, Hajjah menjawab: “isteri Abang ada Abang”. [3:10-3:15]

Kesabaran Aidil dan Nur Amina.
Memang tak tercapai akalku.

Aidil bertemu Aliya – di kedai buku dan di rumah Aliya.
Kemunculan Aliya memang sangat dinantikan oleh semua peminat Nur Kasih. Babak tersebut menarik dan mewakili titik perubahan dalam kisah Nur Kasih; walaupun babak pertemuan di kedai buku mengingatkan kepada Ayat-ayat Cinta.

Sarah. Tiada komen yang bersesuaian.

Tiada perkahwinan paksa dalam Islam.


Tak sabar menanti pengakhiran Nur Kasih. Minggu ini Aidil akan menikahi Aliya dan Sarah seperti biasa akan menyalahkan Nur Amina dan berbuat perkara yang tidak sepatutnya. Dari sinopsis Nur Kasih yang didapati, Sarah kemudiannya akan meracuni perkahwinan Aidil-Aliya.


Setiap sesuatu itu ada baik dan buruknya. Dari mesej keagamaan yang dibawakan, fikirkanlah dengan akal dari al-Quran dan as-Sunnah. Jangan bergurukan rancangan televisyen dan lembaran skrip semata-mata.


Runut bunyi boleh dimuat turun dari:

Nur Kasih
oleh Yassin Sulaiman

Lewat ini ku rasakan
Kasih kian ku dambakan
Resah hati yang ku pendam
Pada takdir dan harapan

Detik waktu dan suratan
Siapa tahu ketentuan
Ku mencari cahayanya
Dalam bayang kegelapan

Nur kasih
Nur kasih

Nasib hidup dan pilihan
Lain untuk setiap insan
Melayarkan perjalanan
Dalam maya kesamaran

Nur kasih
Nur kasih

Aku kembali kerana masih
Mencari yang hakiki
Sinar pasti
Janji suci yang abadi

Nur kasih
Nur kasih
Nur kasih
Nur kasih


Nur kasih
Nur kasih

Aku kembali kerana
Masih mencari yang hakiki
Sinar pasti
Janji suci yang abadi

Nur nur ya nur kasih
Nur ya nur kasih
Nur nur kasihNur kasih

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Gravity of Love


This would be a very simple post; I’m sharing a lovely and great song by Sara Bareilles, Gravity.
[Another thank you note for Kak Maz for her sharing in Facebook].

I find the lyric suited a story I’ve trying to tell. I doubted to find any other songs or phrases that simply explain how love could be. So to say, how one just can’t get his/herself out from the love chain at any defines condition the love is.

It is because the touch of love is the gravity.
It was so hard to write any single elaboration as the lyric illustrated all.

by Sara Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Message in a Bottle


I finished reading Message in a Bottle (by Nicholas Sparks) on 0740, 18 September 2009.
Such a sad ending… I mean, I watched the movie but I did not recall the piece to be this sad. It must be the letters. In the movie I don’t really catch up with what the letters were saying. Reading the letters words by words, they left deep marks on my heart.

[With a sigh] Does great love must come with equal grief?

No, seriously… is it a must?
Can’t there be great love that always great without any grief?
[Tak puas hati sebab pagi-pagi dah rasa sedih]

Here’s for a quick glance of the novel:

Theresa’s final letter to Garret said;
This is not a good-bye, my darling, this is a thank-you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go”. (Nicholas Sparks, Message in a Bottle, 1998, pg. 369-370)

Garret wrote letters to his late wife, telling every bit of his sadness. As old fashioned as guys out there think, those letters ease his pain and concealed memories of her – and touched hearts who read it.
This is only for one reason: Garret’s messages are messages living people (seldom) got to hear -- always an epitaph.

[Not related to Message in a Bottle]
Why wait until that someone die or gone to say nice words about him/her?
Speaking from your heart would not make you a weaker person.
Don’t you know that simple stuff like that change the world?

Love while you can love because when love stops loving, everything stops.
If you would like to convey a message or a feeling, don’t wait too long. Because you never know whether or not the moment you are waiting for will come eventually. The only moment might just pass.

What is your message in the bottle?