Showing posts from 2015

A Note to Myself

When I broke up, I leave everything - I mean *everything* - behind and move on. Today, that is the stupidest decision I made. I should have stayed in that dimension, make gallons of lemonade, and keep being awesome in something I am good at. He broke my heart and made me cry, and I let go all possible opportunities because I want to disconnect from him. Nope. It doesn't sound so cool. Anyway, it was one of the hardest moments in my life. I was getting rid as many as I can from my sinking ship. I survive and I get another chance in life.
Today I almost make the same mistake. I almost walk away from another dimension just because it gets more acidic from the lemons thrown at me - a partner is giving me a hard time.
*stomping my feet*, *chin up* This is *my* world. I have work hard for this. I am not going to stop and step away just because some people makes it little harder. I refuse to do that.
It will be painful, I will cry, and I might need more counselling session. I'll tak…

Rainbow Make Me Cry

Menangis. Menangis sebab lepas hujan pagi ni pelangi tak kelihatan. I want to stay in my car longer and wait for it, but duty call. Adakah aku menangis kerana tak nampak pelangi dalam ruang waktuku, or did I cried because I can't have the extra waiting time to wait for a rainbow? Pelangi bukan sentiasa muncul setiap kali lepas hujan. Am I going to cry every time? Hujan diturunkan bukan untuk mencipta pelangi. Hujan diturunkan oleh Maha Pencipta untuk menghidupkan bumi.
There's rainbow forming somewhere, anyway; with or without rain.
Hold on there, dear darling. Hold on a little longer. Masa gembira bukan selamanya. So does bad times.

100 KM and First Runniversary

Alhamdulillah. I achieve my 100 kilometers running target. Yeay! And it's my one year running anniversary. Another yeay! I can't believe I have run the distance and one year have passed. Rasa macam baru je mula berlari. Seriously.
Why I run?
I started running because I want to manage and contribute to Revert Sports Club (RSC) properly. If I can't understand the runners' need, I can't find the opportunity to contribute and to improve. Asking and observing will do the job, but what's the use of going to Gemba Kaizen course if I can't do this much. Yep, too serious kan? Oh well, if I am going to do something for dakwah, I better do my best. Ini kan ibadah, I thought.
Running Evolution
"This is my final run" "I won't run that much" "I'll just be the luggage/water girl"
Jawatan yang akhir tu sampai hari ni tak dapat!
After a while, running is no longer RSC business. I conciously decide that running will be a part of me. I act…

A Peaceful Dreamless Sleep

When you have cried too much, when you have endure all types of pain, all you want to do is run and curl up into a ball somewhere far from everybody. There's a sharp pain in your chest - your heart is crushed - you need to hug yourself because it feels like you are going to lost control. You clenched your hands; holding on to the last bit of hope to stop you from falling off the ledge.
You close your eyes. Hoping to undo a lot of things. Wanting to erase scenes you no longer have the courage to revisit. Desperate to forget moments that is too painful to remember. Hopefully when you wake up, it was a peaceful dreamless sleep.

Kwon Soo Ah

Reference: Sassy Go Go Recap: DramaBeans
Kwon Soo Ah's Character Description:
Ranked second place in school and a member of the Baek Ho club. Her mother pressures her to become first place and get into an Ivy League school. Hence, she resorts to manipulating the people around her in order to meet her mother's expectations. She is unapologetic for hurting others and insensitive to their feelings.
I must be crazy - of all the character, I am writing about Soo Ah. She a b*, she did plenty of bad stuff, and she is worth hating. But if you ask me, she doesn't look happy doing it. She looks terrified and super desperate. Every time she sold her soul to the dark side, I am seeing it as the opportunity she really needs to get away from the ledge. The only way out for her.
In my opinion rather than being a solid antagonist, Soo Ah is another misunderstood character in the middle of bustling high school. Her character's background was written very well; it leaves me walking along…

Goodbye Ben Jern

Oh my... another good bye. Why laaaaaaaaaa~!

Today, we bid farewell and we wish a great future to our one and only Loh Ben Jern of #BenHafiz FlyFM. Our heroes of insanity.
It's the final 30 minutes of flying with Ben's craziness... So sad! Huhuhuhuhu. Ben Jern has been on air since 10 PM last night - slumber party katanya - and I only sleep 3 hours plus, listening to him sambil kemas barang.
I know, some of you might think: "What is wrong with this girl, crying over a DJ...". Clearly, you don't know Ben, you never listen to these #FunnyBigBoys #BenHafiz and you never listen to Mrs. Boopathy and Pak Jamil or their Krappi Call. They are the only person on earth who can make Malaysians do *obviously* crazy stuff over a phone call. Hahahaha. Ben is the most adorable talking goat. LOL!

*** They are airing the Grandmother of All Krappi Call again - where Ben finally got krappi-ed *** I was laughing madly in the car earlier this morning... And then I cried. Oh it was su…

A Really Sad Brownies - The End of a Beautiful Love Story

It is confirmed that this week's episode will be the final episode for uri Honey Bee Couple.
Lee Jeong Hee's "Tears Didn't Fall" is perfect for today.

Because I was so sad, tears didn’t fall
I just stood at that place, and said I understood
As time stopped, my heart stopped too
Everything that happened just seemed like something from a dream
Always and forever

In short, I am devastated by the news.
*It is* silly, I know. But still, I am sad thinking that I won't be able to see this couple on screen anymore. Who cares if this is a total fake. You don't get to see Lee Jong Hyun *this* pretty everyday! And, and, and... I actually like Gong Seung Yeon.

I will remember this couple prettily.

Dear Honey Bee Couple,
You planted flowers in my heart. Please live happily.

Note: This is the moment you wish there is some truth in Kpop entertainment industry. A wish that your bias *is* a good person in real life. A hope that they're surrounded by good people who *reall…

I Think of You

"When the sun shines on the sea, I think of you.
When the dim moonlight is on the spring, I think of you."

From The Classic

Strong, Smart, and Brave

“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.” - Ziad K. Abdelnour
I am not strong, not smart, and not brave. I honestly feel like I am not any of it lately. There were days where I questioned my decision to live with this particular personality and identity. There were moments when I ask myself why I need to wear this mask and then regret taking it off. Recently, I have been wondering what happen to the full-of-spirit girl - the girl who sees her path and took it positively and bravely. I don't feel like that girl anymore. Not so much.
Even strong, smart, and brave people need a moment to be their human self. You know, the sides that you rarely see or never know were there.
Sometime I just feel like frowning. I just want to take off the smiling mask and frown... freely. Without anyone asking me to justify the reason I am frowning. Without anyone who would tell me that it is okay to do that, but then added that a better p…

A Sad Day for Brownies - Uri Bee Couple is Leaving

Lee Jong Hyun is the cool and mysterious musician you fall in love every time. He doesn’t have that idol persona compare to other CNBLUE members. He is a man with less words and expression. His world is music. The only way to get to know him is through his music. You need to listen to his music. You need to see him performing with his eyes close.[Coward] [Thank You] [Yes] [Love Rides the Rain] [II Will.Forget You] [Sleepless Night] [Love is...] [My Miracle] [Lie] [Voice]
That is why to see him as a different person in We Got Married 4 is very *exciting*. It is addicting. BOICEs would agree with me, who would have thought LJH has those sides. No one. I cringe when he showered Gong Seung Yeon with compliments and sorts in the first few episodes. Where is uri LJH?! I was convinced that LJH is actually a player in real life behind that cool Busan namja facade after a while. And the sweet and cute GSY... it's nice to see her with LJH. I mean, we all understand - it's LJH - normal …

My Heart is So Tired

My heart is so tired. The end.

Bila Berasa Lelah dan Tidak Berdaya

Memahami jawapan dari Allah adalah satu rahmat. Semoga aku dikalangan orang yang bertuah, yang dapat memahami 'bicara' Allah. Amiin Allahhumma Amiin.
Jika kau berasa lelah dan tidak berdaya daripada usaha yang sepertinya sia-sia Allah tahu betapa keras engkau sudah berusaha.
Ketika kau sudah menangis sekian lama dan hatimu masih terasa pedih Allah sudah menghitung air matamu.
Jika kaufikir bahawa hidupmu sedang menunggu sesuatu Dan waktu terasa berlalu begitu saja Allah sedang menunggu bersama denganmu.
Ketika kaufikir bahawa kau sudah mencuba segalanya dan tidak tahu hendak berbuat apa lagi Allah punya jawapannya.
Ketika segala sesuatu menjadi tidak masuk akal dan kau berasa tertekan Allah dapat menenangkanmu.
Jika tiba-tiba kau dapat melihat jejak-jejak harapan Allah sedang berbisik kepadamu.
Ketika segala sesuatu berjalan lancar dan kau berasa ingin mengucap syukur Allah telah memberimu rahmat.
Ketika sesuatu yang indah terjadi dan kau dipenuhi ketakjuban Allah telah ter…

A Picture with Thousand of Beautiful Comments


Alhamdulillah. Everything is getting better - health, mood, feeling, spirit... heart - all moving into a positive direction. Hari yang indah; secara spontan aku berbisik "hari yang baik untuk membuat keputusan yang baik".

I slept well last night, after weeks of sleepless nights. When you're not living the days properly, you will not be able to rest properly at night. Nursing my health conditions while juggling between career and volunteer works, I have push myself into a fatigue state over my limit. I had terrible Tuesday yesterday. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed *and* under the weather. There were hints of gastritis and I have no appetite for food. I had to forced my self to eat some breakfast before dragging my foot for work; *teary eyed*.

But somehow I manage to pull myself together and search the best from the dimension, Alhamdulillah, for the inspiration. Two Caucasian male visitors chatted about their preferable morning drink made me smile…


Today is big fat *of course* cute panda practicing kungfu no stop over the weekend Monday. With completely failed mix-and-match outfit. *Sigh* I don't feel like working or eating, but the ticking time and headache were killing me. So I fished the mini Snickers from my running bag and bite it off as breakfast. Some sugar sometime helps. I strolled the usual road half awake and keep reminding myself that I must maintain my focus until I get into the building. Be safe.

As I was approaching the main gate, my mind slowly tuned into a more stable condition. There are challenges I need to face behind those doors and feeling like a panda certainly not the best way to handle it. Take a deep breath, jawab salam pegawai keselamatan sambil senyum 7 saat and I am good to go.... after I paused a few seconds in front of my favorite photo hangin in the walkway.
Now I am good. I think.
While in the elevator, I realised that I am humming to Backstreet Boys' "Inconsolable". Entah seja…

Under The Weather Exit Door

When you are under the weather and you did not get *the* attention from specific individuals in a list your unwell mind created: 1) Read recap on Korean drama/variety shows that make you smile/laugh 2) Listen to nice songs; songs from your *time* 3) Eat whatever food you have in mind 4) Repeat
I am not myself when I am unwell. If you think I am pushy and demanding and manja, multiply that thought by 3 - you'll get the unwell me. Today is one of those days. *This* is what you get for being unprepared and unfit. I ran 11.8 km for Valdor Run 2015 last Sunday (19-April-2015). Yeay. Love the medal. This time, it is really blood and sweat. Jari kaki melecet sampai berdarah. Not only that, I had the worst after-run Monday yesterday. Rasa nak demam dan satu badan - bukan kaki je - sakit. Macam masuk Ultra Marathon atau Iron Man dah gayanya. Silly me. (I will properly write about the run when I am feeling better)
All I need is sleep (lots of it, maybe one hour for every liter of water I d…

Speed Dating

It's only Tuesday and I am already losing it. My days usually consist of Monday, 3 Thursdays, Friday and weekend. Tapi minggu ni hari Khamis pertama tak kunjung tiba. Hari ni ialah hari Selasa! Huhuhu.

Kak Dilah cadangkan aku cuba "Halal Speed Dating". Because I love Kak Dilah dearly, I promise to try. The first wave of reluctance hits me when I can't find the organizer of the event, yet I need to give my personal information. Then they asked for my wali's email and phone number. Okay! I can't make myself to proceed further, so I closed the online form.
During lunch, I re-opened the site. I manage to fill out 70% of it. Then I got stuck here: * What obstacles do you have to get yourself married ["pour your heart out", they say~] * Dear future Husband [Share your hopes and dreams. What you would like to tell your future husband. Write in point form.] * Your expectation from your future Husband [Write about your genuine expectati…

Selfish Selfless

"Sometimes you have to be selfish to be selfless." - Edward Albert
Human beings are selfish being. We are selfish in each decision we made, each direction we choose to run, each path we choose to walk, each option we consider. We are selfish for not choosing.
If you're going to be selfless, be selfless with no regret.
If you're going to be selfish, be selfish for something worthy.

That is the price we all need to pay; whether you're selfish or selfless. I am sorry.

Ujian Buat Aqidah

Berpinar mata dua tiga hari ni. Allah sahaja yang tahu segala apa yang ada dalam hati ni. Bohonglah kalau dikatakan tidak terkesan. Kita manusia; hanya manusia. Tapi kita nombor satu: hanya HAMBA. Hamba ALLAH. Nah wake up call, seperti yang dikongsikan oleh seorang saudara. Aku sangat setuju. Berhati-hati dan beringat-ingat dalam berkata-kata. In Islam, there's always a better way to do something. Mengingatkan sendiri, dan semua yang dikasihi. Semoga bermanfaat.
GST, Ujian Buat Aqidah
Berhati-hati dalam berkata... Bagi saya, GST ini adalah ujian keimanan buat kita semua. Kerajaan tu hanya "asbab" untuk Allah berikan ujian. Jangan kita terlampau melampau dalam mempersoalkan hal rezeki seolah-olah kita menyatakan Allah itu miskin dan tidak mampu rezekikan kita seperti biasa selepas perlaksanaan GST.
Iman kena jaga betul-betul. Jika perlu kita kritik, kritiklah dengan ilmiah untuk penambahbaikan kepada semua. Jangan dikaitkan soal rezeki, kemiskinan, kekayaan …


Telur hancur, kentang lecek dan air koko. Bersarapan seorang diri hari ni. Hakim, Isma dan anak-anak pergi Pulau Pinang awal pagi ini. I'm going back to Penang as well after almost a week. Entah jam berapa tidak pasti. Susah sedikit mahu "keluar" dari rumah ni kalau dah masuk. Rahmat dan hikmah dalam ujian kesihatan kali ni - dapat meluangkan masa di Taiping selama 6 hari. Memang patut pun memandangkan aku dah gunapakai cuti minggu lepas untuk aktiviti di Penang. Pagi yang sunyi tanpa anak-anak.
After Mak passed away, even after Abah remarried, it is the kids that make this house a home. Rumah jadi berseri-seri dengan kehadiran Isma dan anak-anak. Aku pernah beritahu Isma, it would be hard to come home if they weren't here. Everything feels right with them in the equation. Walaupun aku tak tinggal di rumah ni, ketiadaan mereka sangat-sangat dirasai. Sebab tu setiap kali cuti sekolah dan Hari Raya, aku agak cuak kalau-kalau mereka mahu ke mana-mana. …

From High Heels to Sport Shoes

千里之行,始於足下 “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” - Lao Tzu
Yes. It all begins with a single step. In my case, it also consists of all the rejection I made in the past. I have very less interest to involve in sports and running is the last thing on my mind. I don’t hate it; I just don’t run. That is my limit. When I finally took the challenge and ran my first 7 km, the boundary blurred out. Before I know it, I have surpasses my target this year to run 10 km: I have run 12 km! Taking the first step begins a journey; but you need a good companion to stays on it and to finish it. I am lucky to have a supportive team in the form of Revert Sports Club (RSC). RSC not only provide me all the support a beginner needs, they also open up the opportunity to spread dakwah and good messages via sports.
How to start a sport (or a healthier lifestyle):
1. Made up your mind – Stop making excuses and put on the sport shoes 2. Do it now – It’s now or never. Until you try som…

Si Kecil Bernama Wisdom

"Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache." - Mae West
Memang tak pernah faham kenapa gigi geraham bongsu disebut sebagai "wisdom tooth". Hahaha. Tapi selepas pembedahan kecil untuk mengeluarkan salah satu gigi geraham bongsu semalam, I think I can understand the wisdom part a little bit better. Yes. I had my wisdom tooth extracted yesterday. It was definitely a journey full of wisdom! A minor oral surgery - with document to sign, local anesthetic, *drilling* and stitching. Lebih lagi bila bangun pagi tadi dengan rahang kanan yang bengkak dan sakit - one cheek chipmunk, indeed.
Dental stuff makes me nervous. Menunggu giliran di Jabatan Pembedahan Mulut, Hospital Pulau Pinang adalah sangat mendebarkan. Even scarier than a morgue, I told Mr. T. Bagus juga dapat berbual ringan dengan beliau. The conversation distracted me from the uneasy feeling. While I was driving to hospital, I told myself that I can undergo this procedure. This is no…

Waiting Places

"The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!"

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
by Dr. Seuss

Paper Cut

Because it still hurts. Because to love like *that* still hurts. Because the thought of committing into *that* type of relationship still send me towards the edge of a cliff. A long way to fall.
My battle scars are paper cuts. Quick and clean. All over my heart. A cut too tiny to be tended profusely, but the pain is too significant to ignore.
Luckily, like paper cut, it doesn't happen every day; it doesn't happen that often. It doesn’t give rational reason to avoid paper.
But it still hurts.


This weekend I was blessed with the chance to attend a dakwah training. Furthermore, Allah has granted my wish to ask for dakwah tips for introverts from the speaker.
But what I am going to share in this entry is his advice about marriage - tips cari jodoh. Dari jauh tips ni datang, spontan dan tiba-tiba masa beliau menjawab soalan aku.
Katanya, forget about background. As if to say, don't think too much. Tak perlu nak fikir banyak sangat tentang kriteria. Marriage is not build only with a 100% perfect person. Tak ada manusia yang sempurna dalam dunia ni. If a person is 80% good (Islamic-comply), accept him/her and hold on to that 80%. The 20% ambiguous about him/her is what a married couple should work for. Meaning, that is where we completes each other.
We fall in love with opposite strength; we go home to live with opposite weaknesses. Terasa rangkap ni sangat siknifikan hari ni. Earlier today, someone said something similar to this - about complementing each o…