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Telur hancur, kentang lecek dan air koko. Bersarapan seorang diri hari ni. Hakim, Isma dan anak-anak pergi Pulau Pinang awal pagi ini. I'm going back to Penang as well after almost a week. Entah jam berapa tidak pasti. Susah sedikit mahu "keluar" dari rumah ni kalau dah masuk. Rahmat dan hikmah dalam ujian kesihatan kali ni - dapat meluangkan masa di Taiping selama 6 hari. Memang patut pun memandangkan aku dah gunapakai cuti minggu lepas untuk aktiviti di Penang.
Pagi yang sunyi tanpa anak-anak.

After Mak passed away, even after Abah remarried, it is the kids that make this house a home. Rumah jadi berseri-seri dengan kehadiran Isma dan anak-anak. Aku pernah beritahu Isma, it would be hard to come home if they weren't here. Everything feels right with them in the equation. Walaupun aku tak tinggal di rumah ni, ketiadaan mereka sangat-sangat dirasai. Sebab tu setiap kali cuti sekolah dan Hari Raya, aku agak cuak kalau-kalau mereka mahu ke mana-mana. Ya, I have that controlling side :p

Dosed with painkiller, I spent most of my time resting and observing the kids. Kali ni Maklong biar je anak-anak tonton apa saja. Tenaga semua difokuskan untuk menahan sakit dan tak menangis. Sumayyah yang rajin bertanya: "Gigi Maklong sakit lagi ke?". Ambil berat sungguh dia. Hahaha. Walaupun mereka sangat aktif - Umar siap langgar aku dengan basikalnya masa aku tidur - it feels comfortable to sleep in the middle of the chaos. Ada satu petang tu, Syifa balik dari tadika dan buka buku untuk buat kerja sekolah. *That* moment is one of my favorite moment. (I try to find pictures of Hakimi helping Syifa with her schoolwork... tapi tak jumpa! That was one precious moment.) Ada satu perasaan istimewa setiap kali aku tengok anak-anak ni buat kerja sekolah. It tells me how much the time has flies. It reminds me to focus more on my family; or else I am so going to missed all the important moments.

Being away is hard. Choosing not to come home to commit with my volunteer work is harder. Every time. Walaupun InshaAllah setiap detik disumbangkan dengan ikhlas dan untuk kebaikan, sakitnya tu *di sini*. That is why each event that I volunteered is serious business for me. I am using my quality time; masa yang keluarga aku berhak untuk tuntut. Satu cabaran untuk perantau macam aku. Sometimes I envy people who can contribute more than I can and can go home to their family after that. Sangat cemburu.

Semoga Allah izinkan aku untuk mempunyai keluarga - baitul muslim. Amiin Allahhumma Amiin.
Okaylah, nak bersiap untuk balik Pulau Pinang.



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