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Ugly Jealousy


Assalamualaikum,

There exist an individual who persistently pushing her luck on my patience. She has been doing this [crap] since our love story acknowledged to her. If I am to talk about the 'unfortunate coincidences', I might just sound paranoid.

Her target: my jealousy; her weapon: him.
I've been watching and letting go when she called him with a nickname. I told myself, it's just another nickname. But when she wrote on his wall, calling him that [stupid] nickname again, I said: that's it she just started a war. I was rummaging my mind for the trickiest and ugliest plan for her. I swore to make both of them suffer. I am going to explode and the whole world won't have place to hide.

You can call me irrational or over sensitive or cemburu buta or not sporting; be my guess. What kind of girl running over someone else's other half, and acting weirdly [and gooey-ly] 'loving'? She would have guessed even with one side of her brain that that will turn me into volcano. And yet, she still did it. What, is she so noble to say that she wouldn't mind if other girls swarmed around her guy like that too?? She can go to that warmer place!

I am yet to understand why we continue to be in this intense relationship. It's been almost 6 years! We are supposed to let go and live our life to the fullest. I took the longest distance so that our path did not intersect but she continues to overtake in a deadly way. Have I sinned toward her that she demands me to suffer all this?

The trickiest and ugliest plan, I did not proceed with any of it. Yes I hate her and I would enjoy hurting her, very much. But it doesn't feel right. To do what I have in mind makes me feel cheap and make me no different than her. I don't allow myself to feel cheap and hell no like her. I sort of experimented over a post and I did not enjoy the feeling. I am a mature woman, not a teenager who do what their hearts want just to ease the aching.

I'd want to call her bitch for what she did. But the more I think, the more I pity her. Even if my love relationship is on a stake, it is pathetic for her to have that attitude. She has stamped the word 'cheap' on her forehead, herself. It's not okay to hurt others, and it is totally breaking the law of pretty girls to let you fall into that muddy-smelly-pathetic pool. Yucks!

Jealousy is my --- and other women's --- weakness; and maybe hers too. However, we women must spare some dignity. People would not award us for our devotion in love, people would not see the strong woman in us, and people don't go around complimenting sincerely for our unique values. But these people see through your soul once you made a mistake and will call you names at instance. Be beautiful and have a smart brain.

I hope ALLAH will help me and help you to be a smart Muslimah that worship HIM with all our heart. Amin.

Wassalam.

Comments

atreyu strange said…
I can relate to your feelings. *winks*

Just remember, DON'T feed the troll.
'Aini said…
she is uglier than the troll! :p hehehe
fleur vinca said…
o'o...i think i know her.....

p.s. thank you. this post makes me feel normal to be jealous! :D
'Aini said…
i really hope u dun recognize her.. i feel bad lah :D

no prob, i'm the queen of jealousy :p
fleur vinca said…
well, its obvious my dear.. i noted the nickname and it bothers me a little.. sedangkan sy yg xada apa2 dgn dia pn blh perasan, inikan pula u... :)
'Aini said…
everything abnormal always attract attention, i guess :)
jz dun change ur perception towards her. she's jz a normal girl and me, too have the possibility to do what she did~
fleur vinca said…
its ok...i understand...nway, its between u and her right... i am only the observer...hehe :P

to be fair, i maybe know what her feelings when someone she wants badly goes to somebody else. but maybe i have a different way to soothe the feeling..hehe :)
'Aini said…
hehehe. i'm only human and he is not mine. she can have him if tht's the destiny. it's just the way she did it. i too, understand what it feel when the one u love loves someone else. but life goes on :D
Sri Didie said…
Salam...tergerak hati ni tiba2 nak membaca....

adinda 'Aini...
apa yg tersurat itu adinda 'Aini tak perlu risau...apa yg tersurat itu, hurm..camne nak kata..? boleh d abaikan..? :) Along tahu..sebab Along tahu...cemburu perkara biasala...knowing how much you love him....tapi....along nak bgtahu satu di sini......

"Yang tersirat...yang tak pernah nampak dimata..yang tak pernah terlintas langsung di fikiran itu, yang adinda 'Aini harus risaukan..."

maaf kerana bukan sekarang masanya...tp, selagi dpt dipelihara hubungan itu, peliharalah...andai ada wanita lain itu, bukanlah dikalangan yang tersurat.............itu kenyataannya...

maaf...insyaAllah, andai dia untukmu adinda 'Aini, maka dialah...there are ways.....

rahsia begitu berat disimpan..tetapi lebih berat untuk diluahkan...percayalah...kita sama2 wanita..

jgn begitu mudah menyalahkan wanita lain, adindaku...kesilapan cliche yang wanita2 selalu buat..? uhmmm...fikirkan puncanya dahulu.. segala apa yg berlaku adalah di depan mata Along...he's like a brother to me now..like it or not, i've been watching him since he's so close..i can't let it out, because i know, it will surely hurts..at least not now....not now...please, don't ask what, why, how, when, where, who..? not now..

skali lagi, peliharalah hubungan itu, selagi dapat dipelihara..sekurang2nya, sehingga dia bersedia...along sendiri tak nak tahu...tp, 'ter'tahu.... :( teruskan mempercayainya selagi boleh dipercaya....

Wassalam...
'Aini said…
Along: That is so kind of you. I know it is hard for you and I am so terribly sorry for that. I value each words in your note, though it is not the most preferable timing. but why wait for something good. I always trust him.

Fifah: Big hmmmm? hehe :p

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