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Abah's Wedding


I was at Taiping last weekend. Mission: Abah's wedding preparation. I need to do some shopping for the hantaran. Not even a bead bought and I was cracking my head for inspiration. No inspiration mean no idea, no idea mean I don't know what I need and that is major problem --- shopping is not possible. Ugh! Hantaran is nothing, you should see the house. Alice would think she's in another wonderland. Ouch!

To involve in a wedding preparation is my norm. At least I think so. Of course it feels weird. I am only human. While I shopped for the necessary stuff (and apparently spending my whole evening with Abah, including visiting Abah's future father in law at hospital and attending Abah's colleague's son birthday party), I ask myself: what have I get myself into? I know there are people who think I am simply chose to torture myself.

I might not know what I am doing, but I know this is something right to do.

Nobody, including Abah, is holding anything as my responsibility. It would be more understandable to others if I choose to be less involved. It is me who feel like I need to do this, like this is another part of my life I need to walk through. Besides, I need to show good example and good impression. You are not living in this sphere world alone, you know. As much as you didn't care what others think, you still have reputation to build.

3 years at university, learning multiple disciplines and reading tons of psychological research; none of them provide me with the knowledge on "how/what to do when your mother passed away and your father's getting remarried". If you ask me how I did it, I'd say by being rational. Of course, that is the trickiest and the hardest part. You'll work it out if you try.

There is one scene in "The Wedding Planner" movie, when JLo discover that the guy she is in love with is eventually the bride groom and she's planning THE wedding. JLo almost quit her job when her friend said that she's a professional wedding planner and she can plan the wedding. So I put on my wedding planner shoes for Abah's wedding and tell myself that "I can plan this wedding".

The event of Abah's wedding is not easy for ANYONE, including Abah. It's a tough decision to make. So why make it harder by giving him a hard time on his wedding. Yes, this is his second wedding but it will be his future wife's first wedding. I believe that everybody deserve a decent wedding. I can't live knowing that I did not try to give a woman her decent wedding. Furthermore, the wedding is somewhat required. Every house needs a woman's touch to be a home. It's true; it all lies in the hand of the lady of the house. When the lady is gone, she carried away the entire gleam with her.

In my mirror...
I am spending all my energy to hold on to my sanity; ALLAH knows what's going on in my life. It's all messed up --- life and love. So I'm going to allocate my final breath to something worth it.

Please help me, please pray for me. I might break up, but please pray that I can recover all strength and rise again.


atreyu strange said…
That's REALLY tough. It's remarkable how you can pull it off. Continue to be strong babe!
'Aini said…
Thx Jen! Holding on to myself as hard as I can :p
'aini, i don't know what I would do if i were in your place. But I think you are handling it better than most of the world put together. So have heart, I know you can get through :)
'Aini said…
Lisa.. Thx. I hope I'm handling this appropriately. Oh well, I'm still waiting for the screaming part :p

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