Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Sisi Sastera Saya

Assalamualaikum,

Mr. A adalah kawan baru. Bertemu melalui larian. Aku suka beliau, isteri beliau dan anak perempuan mereka yang comel. Mereka adalah individu yang sekali lihat hati terus jatuh sayang; mendengar bicara hati berkenan.

Kemudian mula berkawan di alam maya melalui Facebook. Kerana Mr. A ada perkaitan dengan Mr. R, aku beranggapan muka bukunya pun akan lebih kurang sama gayanya -- in English. Tapi aku silap. Tersenyum membaca puisinya. Semakin tersenyum melihat gaya bahasa dan penggunaan perkataannya. Semakin suka dengan cara fikirannya.

Hari ini beliau berkongsi koleksi karya Sasterawan Negara Shahnon Ahmad. Terus aku tercari-cari "Tunggul-tunggul Gerigis". Bila tidak bertemu, laju aku bertanya. "Ada", katanya. "Mahukah dipinjam? Dulu baca di mana?".

Sudah tentu aku mahu pinjam. Aku mahu sambung semula bacaaan.
Terhenti pembacaan ketika aku di tingkatan 3 atau 4. Bukunya hilang entah ke mana.
Bukunya pun bukan aku yang punya. Mungkin kepunyaan Pak Njang; yang aku temukan dari pelbagai harta di rumah Tok.

Aku dan sastera bermula awal. "Salina" telah aku baca sebelum habis sekolah rendah. A. Saman Said dan Usman Awang buka nama yang asing kepadaku. Ketika rakan-rakan seusia masih mengeja, aku sudah jauh dengan ke hadapan. Mungkin ini kerana aku tinggal dan membesar dengan Tok. Jodoh aku dengan bahan bacaan bagus dari koleksi bapa saudara, ibu saudara serta sepupu. Ambil sahaja asalkan boleh membaca.

Ini sisi aku yang tak ramai yang tahu.
Sekarang lebih banyak berbahasa Inggeris. Blog ini pun wujud kerana ingin mempertingkatkan penggunaan Bahasa Inggeris. Bukanlah kerana aku berubah hati, lebih kepada tiada peluang untuk menjadi dan berkongsi sisi diri yang ini.

Terus-terang, aku jadi janggal.
Orang keliling berbahasa ringkas dan mudah, tapi aku berbahasa dengan jiwa dan raga. Aku berbahasa buku. Aku berbahasa dengan berat.
Jujurnya aku bimbang. Bimbang orang keliling menjauhi kerana aku berbeza. Menjauhi kerana tiada persamaan. Menjauhi kerana tidak dapat terima aku seadanya. Oleh itu aku ambil jalan ringkas - jadi saja seperti kebanyakan orang.

That's me.
Rasa gembira menulis entri ini. Rasa bagus dapat jadi diri sendiri.

Aku rasa bertuah dipertemukan Allah dengan Mr. A. Banyak ilmu yang dapat dipelajari dari beliau. Bagusnya anak muda seperti beliau.

Ingin aku tutup entri ini dengan salah satu puisi yang aku baca dan suka ketika sekolah. Tajuknya "Sumpah Seri Buana." Aku suka rangkap terakhir.

Wassalam.

SUMPAH SERI BUANA
Dato’ Prof. Dr. Hashim Yaacob

Teja, Teja, Teja
kau pergi anakku
diperdaya cinta hulubalang perkasa
mengikut rasa membuang keluarga.
Istana riang kita ini
sudah menjadi tersangat sepi.
Pelita kamarmu tidak lagi menyala.
Mustika hatiku berderai jatuh
ke dalam gelora telaga
airmata bondamu.

Telah datang lagi Hang Tuah
bersama hulubalang Melaka
ke Inderapura
memalit Balairong Seri dengan darah.
Megat Panji Alam tunangmu, Teja
ditikam Si jebat dan Kasturi
dari belakang

Teja,
Hulubalang apakah sedemikian
menipu perempuan
mencuri tikam?

Teja anakku,
kita Bendahara Seri Buana
telah menyatu dengan derita.
Kita mahu mengajar Melaka.
Kita seru pada titih
titih tersungkur di telunjuk kita.
Kita jampi di daun sirih
sirih menimpa ke muka Laksamana.
Laksamana berkubur tanpa tanda.

Ini keris ganja iras
parungsari tujuh luknya,
asal ditempa besi melela tujuh bersaudara.
Lidah tiong titi tulang
tulang ditinting tujuh temuan.
Mata keris darah menyembur
tuntung keris padah celaka.
Keris sahabat pada yang setia
seteru pada yang derhaka.
Kita tikam di angin lalu
angin melanda Istana Melaka
Raja berkelana hilang takhta.




Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Hujung Tahun Yang Mencabar

Assalamualaikum,

Hujung tahun kali ni adalah hujung tahun yang paling mencabar dalam tempoh 7 tahun bekerjaya. It is already tough with one role. With two roles, it feels like a disaster waiting to happen. Oh wait -- it's three role! Huhuhuhu. Everything screams "deadline" and "urgent".
Rasa nak *menjerit* jugak.

Bila jiwa kacau, mental pun hilang keseimbangan. Emosi semakin sensitif. Aras tandanya berada di tahap tidak bagus bila mula rasa macam sunyi dan keseorangan -- lebih poyo dari biasa. Tengok sesama ibu mengandung berbual pun dah rasa nak menangis. Apa kes ni wahai 'Aini..?!

Esok hari terakhir kerja tahun ini sebelum plant shutdown.

Esok jugak hari terakhir kakak saya berkerja di kompeni ini.
Kakak saya, Kak Far, telah mengambil keputusan untuk menumpukan fokus kepada her family and her lovely daughter.
Kakak saya, rakan usrah saya... Kalau bukan kerana Kak Far yang bersungguh-sungguh nak adakan usrah dalam kompeni MNC ni, mungkin banyak ilmu yang aku terlepas. Syifa pun dah masuk 6 tahun. Usrah kami di antara 5-6 tahun jugak...
Kakak saya, rakan usrah saya, salah satu sumber kekuatan saya. Walaupun kebanyakan masa usrahnya hanya kami berdua...

Walaupun InshaAllah akan selalu bertemu ketika usrah bulanan, tangkai hati rasa pedih. Rasa hilang separuh diri. Rasa hilang tempat bermanja. Rasa hilang separuh kekuatan.

Semoga Allah merahmati kakak saya, Kak Far. Hanya anugerah Allah sahaja yang layak buatmu, kakak.

Wassalam.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Relay with RSC

Assalamualaikum,

Relay.
When was my last relay?
Baton.
I have not heard or see a baton for what seems like forever. But I can confirm that I have passed a baton - a long, long time ago. It might be during my primary school; the fittest time in my life. I was younger and you can push me towards anything - bola jaring, bola baling, 100 meter, relay, lontar peluru, lompat jauh, rounders - I'll just give it a try. Walaupun memang tak berbakat langsung dalam semua yang dicuba. Bakat satu hal. Niat pun tak begitu murni - just to complement my academic achievement.

Sebab tu memang teruja bila dengar Revert Sports Club (RSC) akan menyertai PAAA Annual Round the Island Relay 2014, untuk kali keduanya. 72.7 km, 8 hours, 12 runners, 1 team. Sounds exciting to me! All the while, we run individually. This is a team run.

Tak pernah terfikir pun nak berlari untuk RSC. I thought it would be cool to be a part of the effort - manager ke, penjaga barang ke, pemandu ke, or at least supporter je. Having me in the team would add countless seconds to the time. But soon I realised that after I completed my 7 km fun run, 'No' is no longer an option. Walaupun masa boleh dijadikan alasan kedua selepas jarak, they just tell me to complete the distance and not worry about the time.
And I just can't say 'No'.

Diberikan check point nombor 7 berjarak 5.91 km. Katanya mudah saja - turun bukit. Tapi bila survey jalan dengan Miss J sehari sebelum relay, we were speechless to see that it is actually a combination of flat and uphill route. Well Miss J was speechless, I was laughing hysterically. There were no words to describe the feeling. Berlari di jalan rata pun sekadar berlari je. Mendaki sedikit masa PBIM pun dah cramp abdomen segala. Terhenti segala imaginasi. Hahaha.

Pasrah saja.

The R-Day

Menanti baton...
Masa ni semua positif saja. Hahaha
Bangun pagi dengan perasaan cemas bila tengok banyak mesej di WhatsApp. Semoga tiada sebarang masalah. Alhamdulillah, everything looks great and I love the picture of the first 3 runners. Walaupun masih sarat dengan rasa risau, rasa lebih bersemangat dan lebih positif. Allah sahaja yang tahu berapa banyak kupu-kupu dan dinosaur dalam perut. Sampai nak habiskan sebiji epal dalam perjalanan ke CP7 pun tak tertelan.

Warming up alone at my check point, I told myself that everything will be fine. I can do it. I can complete this run. It is just 5.91 km. I can do the uphill run - erk! - terus rasa cemas datang macam empangan yang pecah. Hahaha. Sampaikan warming up pun tak rasa panas. Pun begitu, mental masih tetap positif. Rasa lebih okay bila Bro R sampai.

Then I receive the baton from Bro S.

I ran... and unfortunately I left half of my focus and positive thoughts at CP7. 3 minutes and everything is all over the place. My breathing was out, my pace was out, my form was out. Hukumannya - cramp abdomen. The root cause: terlalu risau - risaukan masa dan risaukan nak mendaki di hadapan. I always say that mental is not my problem; I clearly did not know what I am talking about. Especially in competitive run. I have miscalculated the pressure and was not prepared for it.

Bro R, Bro S and Mr. A were so kind to accompany my run. Tapi dengan keadaan mental macam tu, rasa sangat malu. So I asked them to just wait me at the next check point. In other words: "leave me alone to face this and I think I will recover and finish the run". Of course they know better, because Bro R decided to be my pacer.

Rasa sangat bersalah dengan Bro R. He was so sweet and patient and every single thing he said was true and valid. It is usually not difficult to motivate me, but I was so broken that whatever he said did not have much effect on me. Setakat boleh dengar je. I was near tears when I apologized and admitted that I am in that negative state. Huhuhuhu. Masa tu dah mula sampai ke kawasan mendaki yang menjadi kerisauan besar sejak mula berlari. I walked all the way. Langsung tak dapat gerakkan otot untuk berlari.

The route... Mine on the left, Miss J's on the right...

Sebelum relay, aku tertanya-tanya kenapa peraturan tak benarkan ada pacer. Tapi sepanjang perjalanan dengan Bro R, I can see how having a pacer could change a lot of thing. I think I can finish the run alone, but I can't be sure that I won't be too broken in the middle of the race. For example, at one point I actually asked to stop for a while. All Bro R said was "No" and asked me to keep walking and to take longer strides. So I did what he told me. Without him, I am almost certain that would stop.

And then I saw Miss J! Oh my oh my I am almost there! If I remember correctly, Bro R said that I must run to complete this race. So I gather what's left in me and run towards Miss J. Lepas serahkan baton, terus terduduk.
Terus tengok jam. Alhamdulillah, berjaya selesaikan larian dalam masa 1 jam. Official time: 00:59:42, Which is impressive, at least for me. Sebab aku dan Miss J revise estimated completion time kepada 1 jam 30 minit lepas survey jalan.

Relay Lesson

My second medal. Yeay!
Number one, never ever underestimate the pressure of competitive run; tambahan lagi kalau berlari dalam satu pasukan. Memang berbeza dengan fun run. You have a lot on your shoulder and in your mind. Lepas relay, Bro S siap komen yang aku tak tahan dengan tekanan. Haha. Terpaksa setuju, sebab aku memang tak pernah hadapi tekanan spesis ini. Banyak nak kena belajar ni.

Number two: Together is a nice word. Walaupun tim RSC dapat tempat ke-24 je, semangat satu pasukan tu memang terasa. In individual run, it's just you. You run and you go home. Kalau nasib baik dapatlah jumpa ahli yang lain. There is less chance for team building. But when you run in a team, the feeling is different. You are in it together. You share the moments. You get to know each other. It was a wonderful experience for a new runner like me. Lebih positif dan bersemangat nak sertai larian yang lain. 


Future Plan

Training. Dah rancang macam-macam dengan Miss J.
More running, inshaAllah. Dengan recovery rate yang agak perlahan, perlu rancang aktiviti larian dengan baik dan selari dengan latihan.
Lose more weight for more kilometers. This is the toughest mission. One word: discipline. I can do it once, I can do it again.

Gemba Kaizen RSC

Agak menyesal sebab pada mulanya ambil ringan dengan inisiatif penubuhan RSC. RSC ada potensi yang bagus dalam dunia dakwah. It is possible to take RSC to the next level. Tapi jadi pihak yang melihat potensi sahaja tak cukup bagus. I need to walk in that shoes - or in RSC case, I need to run the miles to understand the core values and the most important power: the good people.

So, run 'Aini, run. Bismillah. 


It would be great if I can have a brainstorming partner who is already a part of RSC...

Wassalam.



Monday, November 17, 2014

My First 7 KM


Me and the cert. Yeah!
Assalamualaikum,

Alhamdulillah. I ran and completed my first 7 kilometers for Asics Penang Bridge International Marathon 2014 (APBIM2014) in Fun Run category. Yes, you read correctly, I ran 7 km. Hahaha. If you know me, the fact that I run is already surprising. What's more surprising, I actually sign up voluntarily for this. Macam tak percaya je masa dapat official receipt tu.

My fellow runner friends were right. Firstly, I can run. Secondly, I will never know my limit if I did not take the opportunity to challenge myself. Thirdly, running during practice is totally different from running in an event with other runners. There were unspoken motivations when I ran with others passionate runners on the bridge yesterday.




The Beginning

Pinjam medal Ms. J..
Next year InshaAllah 10 km.
I believe everything begins approximately 1 year ago, when I first met Mr. R. He is the one person who ever and so persistently offering me all sorts of running opportunities. He would ask me to join something every time we meet despite being told every time that I don't run. So it is right to say that my first 7 kilometers were the result of all the rejection I made to him.

He managed to manipulate me to join an 8 km run last August, but that doesn't count. I only run 4 km (I detoured to Fun Run route; you can't expect a first time runner to just run 8 km!) and the intention was not pure (I was sending him Cyclops' glare all night). Hahaha. Even though the kilometers were not count, the sparks from that event has motivated me to join APBIM2014. Being my sponge-self, it was hard to resist the excitement radiated from the runners. That very night, while holding the first medallion I have even won, I my eyes glittered and a new desire started to bloom.

After that, whatever he and other runners say just seep into me. I need to mention Ms. J. She is another person who has special role in changing my perception. I don't know... She is just that likable and influential. Whatever Mr. R fails to convince me, she would naturally find her way. All she did was to share her experience and relate it back to me. Macam kena hipnosis pulak. Bangun pagi terus rasa yakin boleh berlari. That is the power of words plus sincere passion.

Training Diary

Memandangkan 'Aini bukan seorang yang berlari, even 7 km requires proper training. The first session was bad - it reminded me to the main reason why I don't run - and painful - because I did everything from warming up to running to cooling down wrongly. Before second session, I did what I do best: research and knowledge collection. Jarak antara sesi pertama dengan sesi kedua agak jauh atas sebab masa dan cuaca, so I read a lot.

Haruko Akagi
Sesi kedua dan seterusnya, Alhamdulillah, Allah beri jalan dan kemudahan untuk perbaiki teknik dan mutu larian. By 4th session, I have almost everything in my equation - warming up, cooling down, running, breathing and routine - that is suitable for me. The only missing thing was a pair of proper shoes. And again, Mr. R and Ms. J save the day. Like good *cough* parents *cough* they help me to choose a pair of running shoes - which later named "Haruko Akagi".

The sporty styles....


Because I don't have much time before APBIM2014, I was advise to wear Haruko Akagi as much as I can - that is to office. So I did. Merasa la bergaya sporty selama 3 minggu. Pakai dengan jeans masih okay. Pakai dengan skirt dan baju kurung yang paling mencabar. I received various type of reaction. Wahahahaha. Oh well. It matter less what type of shoes I wear, I will still princess walk in it :p



The Run

Kurang 100 jam sebelum APBIM2014, mula rasa macam nak flu. Dengan cuaca tak menentu, kalut di pejabat dengan pelbagai hal, mood pun dah serabut. The night before the R-day, I had a very bad headache. Sampai nak tidur pun tak boleh sebab terlalu sakit. I suspected it was due to dehydration. I volunteered at another program earlier that day and was not drinking properly. Even when I woke up on Sunday morning, I still feel a little bit dizzy and minor headaches. Despite the headache, I left home feeling enthusiast and positive.

My Fun Run begin with this~
Unfortunately I begin my Fun Run with waiting - for the shuttle bus - if you know what I mean. My waiting lasted about 30 minutes or so and I am this close to go home. Standing at the Queensbay Mall pick up point with hundreds of participants, seeing the 2nd Penang Bridge from afar, with the time ticking to 8 am for Fun Run flag off, was excruciating. Kalau tak fikirkan all the efforts that I have put into this event... memang dah lama lesap. (There’s no need to continue with the shuttle bus story. The news should be all over the place by now.)


I arrived at the site (after walking from the drop off point) at 8.15 am and straight away begin running. Beberapa ratus meter yang pertama tu dah naik bukit. Cepat je dah tak bertenaga. Bila dah kurang cerun, aku mula lari. Tiba-tiba perut cramp. I was a little bit confused and frustrated because it doesn't goes as smoothly as I planned. Demotivated pun ada sebab masa training dah takde masalah ni. Then I realized I was hiking the bridge all the while, facing the rising morning sun! Silly me.
Weeks of training were done on a flat road. Haruslah berbeza hasilnya bila berubah suasana. To ease the pain, I settled to walking mode and I try to readjust my breathing rhythm. Alhamdulillah, the pain doesn't go worse or longer. I continue running towards the (amazingly far and tak sampai-sampai. Hahaha) U-turn point. Masa ni otot kaki dah mula rasa sakit.

The morning sun....

Rehat sebentar sebelum
tiba ke U-turn point

U-turn point!

The feeling when I finally make the U-turn was priceless. I completed half of the run! Yeay! Rasa hati berbunga riang. Terus semangat nak berlari. By that time, the lane was full with runners and walkers. Somehow, I got the idea to pick certain male runners from 10 km category and make them my personal pacer. I keep on running until I can't run anymore. It was 2 km before the finish line when suddenly I felt so tired, I just want to quit. The fun run participants that were resting and taking pictures along the bridge were additional demotivation factor. I was lost in my own thoughts when my eyes landed on one of the motivational quotes that say: "It's hard to beat a person who never gives up!" 

*The* motivation..!

Alamak. Tak boleh jadi ni. Rasa defeated pulak. I plan to finish this run. I already imagine crossing the finishing line and proudly telling Mr. R and Ms. J that I made it. If I stop now – not that anybody would judge me – I have lost that opportunity. Tu pun after all the efforts and motivation and tips.
Run 'Aini run! I can't give up now. I shouldn't give up now. So I run despite whatever un-motivational conversation happening inside me. (E.g. How can 2 km be so so so damn far?!)

500 meter!
I can see and hear the cheers from the finishing line. I checked the time - there's a chance I can complete this in ONE HOUR! Terus berlari turun cerun 500 meter terakhir. Excited! Hahahaha.

Oooooo... 

9:15 am: One month plus with 9 training sessions, I crossed the finish line, grab the Fun Run certification and mentally pat myself on the back.
7 km in 60 minutes. Not bad for 'Aini's first run ^_____^

The end!


Such a long entry (full of grammatical errors) for a Fun Run. Yes, it is a measly 7 km for other competitive and long distance runners. But for me, this is not just a simple 7 km. This is my important achievement and this could be a start for more kilometers in the future. Well... Mr. R and Ms. J already have list of "opportunities" for me to test my limit and ability...

Run for your life~!


P.S: Dear Mr. R and Ms. J. I don’t see how you two would stumble upon my blog. But if in the future you somehow read this, I want to say that my 7 km was made even more possible because I have friends like you. Together is a nice word. Thank you. I hope I can accept more opportunities in the future.

Wassalam.


After run meal...
Run 7 km and then eat for 15 km. Hahaha.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Four Walls and One Door


Four Walls and One Door

Today, as any other time
I ask
Why me?
And as any other time
I ask back
Why not me?

A question I need to ask
The answer already known
It's like four walls
with one door
of decision
and two windows
of curse and bless

Somebody is knocking on the door
Should I answer it?
Should I ignore it?
Why should I?
But why shouldn't I?

More question I need to ask
And the answer already known
I sit down on the floor
Listening to the knocking sound
on the door
From which window should I look out
Before answering the door

I think
then I believe
That curse or bless is not by semantics definition
The windows can be of any type, shape or colors
The sky will be the sky
The grass will be the grass
The flowers will still be the flowers
In their true form
When I see them through an open door
With these given eyes and heart

Four walls
with one door
and two windows
The roof won't fall

Today, as any other time
I ask
Why me and why not me
Is it a bless or is it a curse
Today, as any other time
I ask question with known answer

And proceed to answer the door

'Aini Aton
10-Oct-2014
Penang
It's my choice, not because of you



Friday, September 12, 2014

Silence of a Heart

Assalamualaikum,

"Because my love for you
Is higher than words,
I have decided to fall silent."
~ Khalil Gibran

Biiznillah. Jika diizinkan Allah.
Semoga aku diberikan pemahaman terhadap jawapan istikharah.
Amiin Allahhumma Amiin.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

57 Tahun: Di sini Lahirnya Sebuah Cinta

Assalamualaikum,

Alhamdulillah, genap 57 tahun kemerdekaan Tanah Melayu. Alhamdulillah, dari kemerdekaan 57 tahun dahulu tertubuhnya negara Malaysia, tanah tumpah darahku. Alhamdulillah, despite all imperfection, we are remembering and celebrating our Independence Day, still independent.

Selamat memperingati 57 tahun kemerdekaan dan selamat diingatkan kenapa kita mahu kemerdekaan ini kekal.

Ya Allah, rahmatilah negara kami dan kemerdekaan kami. Amiin Allahhumma Amiin.

Wassalam.



Warisan

Di sini lahirnya sebuah cinta
Yang murni abadi sejati
Di sini tersemai cita cita
Bercambah menjadi warisan

Andai ku terbuang tak diterima
Andai aku disingkirkan
Ke mana harusku bawakan
Ke mana harusku semaikan cinta ini

Betapa
Di bumi ini ku melangkah
Ke utara selatan timur dan barat
Ku jejaki

Aku
Bukanlah seorang perwira
Gagah menghunus senjata
Namun hati rela berjuang
Walau dengan cara sendiri
Demi cinta ini

Ku ingin kotakan seribu janji
Sepanjang kedewasaan ini
Ku ingin sampaikan pesanan
Akulah penyambung warisan

Lirik oleh: Tuan Syed Haron Ahmad
Dinyanyian oleh: Allahyarham Sudirman Haji Arshad

Sunday, August 24, 2014

MH17: Lesson in Life

Assalamualaikum,

Terjaga dari tidur pagi tadi dengan bermimpikan Abderrahman, anak kepada Allahyarham Ahmad Hakimi Hanapi, Pembantu Juruterbang MH17. Imej anakanda Abderrahman yang didukung rakan bapanya ketika solat jenazah pada hari Jumaat semacam terlekat difikiran. Jatuh sayang kepadanya...

Kesemua 298 mangsa yang terkorban dalam tragedi MH17 membawa cerita dan pengajaran yang berbekas di hati. Tapi entah kenapa, kisah keluarga Allahyarham Ahmad Hakimi, isterinya Asmaa dan anakanda Abderrahman terasa lebih dekat dan lebih peribadi. Instead of me reaching out to them, I feel like they are reaching out to me...

'Perkenalan' dengan mereka membuatkan aku mahu menjadi hamba Allah yang lebih baik. Aku mahu lebih dekat dengan Allah. Aku mahu kutip lebih ilmu untuk mempersiapkan diri di jalan Allah.

Kata-kata bapa kepada Allahyarham Ahmad Hakimi umpama seal kepada banyak perkara... Ya, apa yang terjadi ini telah membuktikan betapa Allah itu Maha Pengasih dan Maha Penyayang. Ya, apa yang terjadi ini adalah kesan dari perbuatan tangan-tangan kita sendiri.

Melihat bagaimana mereka berhadapan dengan tragedi ini amat bertepatan dengan ayat "hanya dengan mengingati Allah hati akan menjadi tenang". Sungguh hati-hati yang dekat dengan Allah berbeza dari hati yang jauh daripadaNya.

Aku mahu jadi golongan yang sentiasa melihat kasih sayang Allah dalam semua keadaan, lebih-lebih lagi dalam musibah. Aku mahu jadi golongan yang sentiasa bersangka baik terhadap Allah. Aku mahu jadi golongan yang mendapat bantuan Allah.

I don't know how to end this entry. I am sorry that we meet in this sorrowful event. But I am grateful to Allah that we meet and you taught me a great lesson in life. I might forget them at one point in my life, but the lesson learnt will forever engraved in me.  Semoga setiap kebaikan yang anda semua ajarkan kepada kami Allah beri balasan yang sangat baik.

Doa kami untuk anda semua, 298 jiwa, waris serta kenalan.

Nota: Kita semua mempunyai keinginan. The flaming desire enough to push us to make a deal with the devil. Tapi keinginan bagaimanakah yang sanggup dibina di atas kehilangan dan kemusnahan orang lain? What type of desire so superior that drenching the world in blood looks okay?

Wassalam.


Friday, August 22, 2014

MH17: Malaysia Berkabung


Assalamualaikum,

22 Ogos 2014
Hari Berkabung Malaysia

Hari ni Malaysia berkabung.
Hari ni Malaysia menyambut kepulangan 20 mangsa tragedi MH17... Mereka telah pulang ke destinasi yang abadi dan pasti - ke sisi Illahi. Alhamdulillah, selepas penantian yang panjang, akhirnya kini mereka pulang ke pangkuan keluarga, rakan-rakan serta negara yang menyayangi mereka.

Bagi aku, simpati dan empati adalah sifat manusia. Tidak ada kayu ukur atau peraturan tentang cara tepat untuk menzahirkannya. Jadi zahirkanlah dengan cara yang terbaik dan paling manusia.

Berkongsi kesedihan tidak akan mengurangkan kegembiraan (kepada yang memberi) dan tidak mengurangkan sengsara (kepada yang menerima), tetapi mereka yang pernah kehilangan orang tersayang akan faham keperluannya.

I don't know any of them personally, but this tragedy has brings us together. While driving to work this morning, I can't shake the thought that somehow I might have crossed path with one of them...

I am deeply touched and personally saddened by what happened to MH370 and MH17. 3 tahun berulang alik merentas awan dan lautan menjadikan aku salah seorang daripada mereka. Frankly speaking, each time I boarded my flight, I would assume that is my last flight. Walaupun kebarangkalian kemalangan udara adalah amat kecil berbanding kecelakaan lain, let's face it - there's a lot to fear. I was one of them...

"It's time to come home..." begitu caption black ribbon di IG Malaysia Airlines.
My eyes are brimming with tears T___T



Welcome home, darlings...

Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmatNya ke atas roh mangsa dan semoga Allah kasihani dan hantarkan kekuatan kepada keluarga serta kawan-kawan mangsa. In time like this, only Allah can ease the pain.

"Sesungguhnya kami adalah kepunyaan Allah dan kepada Allah jualah kami kembali. Ya Allah, berilah ganjaran kepadaku atas musibah yang menimpa ini, dan gantikan untukku sesuatu yang lebih baik daripadanya."

Amiin Ya Allah.

Ingin menutup entri pada kali ini dengan kata-kata isteri kepada pembantu juruterbang,  Ahmad Hakimi Hanapi. Semoga Allah anugerahkan kebaikna kepada Asmaa Aljuned sekeluarga:
"Saya tidak mahu memikirkan dia (Ahmad Hakimi) dibunuh atau kejadian itu sebagai satu jenayah. Saya menerima kematian ini sebagai takdir dan ketentuan. Allah telah mengambilnya dan ini adalah ujian yang saya perlu lalui."

Terkini:
- Alhamdulillah MH6129 telah selamat mendarat di KLIA pada jam 9.54 pagi.
- Upacara penerimaan jenazah sedang berlangsung.

Wassalam.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Goodbye Patch Adams


While driving to office this morning, BenHafiz delivered the sad news - my favorite (fictional character) doctor has passed away. At the age of 63, Robin Williams - the Hunter 'Patch' Adams that prescribe laughter, the Mr. Keating that redefined poetry, the Peter Pan that taught us happy thoughts, the robot who wants to be a human being it break your heart when he finally did - passed away. What's sadder, the word "suicide" and "depression" appear together in the same line.

I've seen him in many movies, but Patch Adams stuck with me. I don't know how we first met, but I am happy to say that it is through Patch Adams. I can't recall the movie in detail, but the soul and spirit still ticks inside me.

He made us laugh and taught us happy thoughts yet he was battling depression. I can only hope that he was not fighting alone and that he was loved till the end.

O captain my captain, thank you. You will be missed.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

How Could You?

You pick up a gun. You know it is loaded with real bullets. You aim it at your friend. With the knowledge of the consequences, will you pull the trigger?

If you know that your action or words or treatment to another person would certainly hurt him/her, will you still proceed with it?

Being the one who always took the bullets, I can't seem to understand how a responsible and sane person can do that. I do not mean random spontaneous action - that I understand. I can't understand people who demand people to accept them for who they are but refuse to accept the other party for who they are. Not just that, they blame the other party for being weak and sensitive and insist them to puff up while they go around breaking heart.

Bam! Bam! Bam!
You just kill a soul. Again.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Failed, Not Dead, Not Yet

Assalamualaikum,

What's happening in Gaza and then the downing of MH17 really hits me hard this time. They are no words to describe the emotions flowing through me.
While I was sleeping, journeying the temporary death - the world changed. New history has been written. While I was sleeping, journeying the temporary death - some people return to Allah, answering The Call nobody can avoid.

Murdered.

Yes, humanity has failed.
But it is not dead, not yet.
There is still hope.

Islam is the religion of hope.
Our hope is with Allah. The Creator.

Ya Allah,
Hanya Engkaulah yang kami sembah dan hanya padaMU kami mohon pertolongan.

Wassalam.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

I Miss Blogging!

Assalamualaikum,

I miss blogging!!!
Sejak mula menulis di blog, tak pernah terbayang akan 'bercuti' menulis selama ini. How long has it been - 6 months? I even missed my editorial entry (January - birthday), customary entry in memory of Mak (it's the 5th year, sob sob), CNBLUE and a whole bunch of fascinating events in my life. Tak dapat juga menulis tentang World Cup Brazil 2014 (my darling Buffon missed Italy first game and my darling Casillas, well, did pretty bad for Spain's first game). Huhuhuhu.

Ottoke~

It is not writer's block. It is time matter. Or maybe management matter.
Hope to catch up with writing soon.

p/s: Please excuse my grammar.