Showing posts from March, 2010

Completed, At Last


Alhamdulillah, Abah's reception was held successfully. Over 90% of family members and Abah's friends attended the event --- including his Siamese schoolmate whom I never met. Abah's siblings, family and friends were all happy for his wedding. Each of them came with nicest do'a and may Allah The Most Responsive One bless them back.

Though it was a hectic event, I am satisfied. When it ends, that's mean Abah and Mama is now officially beginning their new life. That also means the end of another responsibility -- not that I hold that much responsibility.

On my way back to Penang, I sigh and thanked Allah for His Love and Most Compassion that everything went smoothly. Ya, little stuff took place in the events but none were strong enough to ruin anything. He Is The Greater One that unite our hearts and in Him we rely and trust. It sounded impossible and hard at first but it's now completed, at last.

O breeze that passed by
Send a message to a heart
All is…

About Us - Part 3: Me, Him & Pink

Pink was not my preferable color. Though I did have few items in pink, they usually something Mak bought or something that was supposed to be pink or was made in pink that I have no choice at all. The why part, hmmm... because I felt pink was too girlish for me and I am not that girlish. Pink would not be happy if I wear her :D

But that was the past. I have no issue with pink now. In fact, I LOVE pink! While I dressed up this morning --- I am wearing my all-pink baju kurung and abstract motives pink tudung [that he loves] --- I suddenly realized how my perception changed.

He said I look beautiful and glowing in pink :)
[Hahahaha *blushing*]

That was the most concrete reason to love pink and to keep on wearing pink. The particular event took place on 2008, 23 months after our final meeting at Sarawak. It was our first real date.

Different Home


I've trying to write this post since last Saturday. Now I am not sure if I can write it properly. OK, here we go again...

I was at Taiping last weekend to settle some business. Abah was at his hometown in Kedah for his side's reception. Silently, I am grateful for that. I will have some time to adjust and to compose myself. I need time, no matter how fast I can adapt to a new environment. When we're talking about major adjustment, like your parent remarried, please take some time to prepare yourself. This is sensitive issue; I might lose control over some missing forks.

When I arrived, the house was empty. That was normal. My younger brother would be in our neighbour's house cum his babysitter [though I think he is too old for something like 'babysitter'] as usual. Should I expect new arrangement of furniture, newly painted walls? Ok, the painted walls never came on my mind but I did consider about the new arrangement of furniture. It wouldn'…


Assalamualaikum, My heart bleed and the blood dripping all over the place. It’s like a scene from a horror movie. I know it will hurt me, badly. I know I will hate every little piece I found. But I have to do this. I miss him and I am worry about him. I need to know that he is fine. I need to be sure that he is still in one piece, breathing.

As much as I hate seeing him from her eyes, I am grateful that he attended that event. As much as I am hurt seeing him from her eyes and reading all those captions, she can have her way tonight, for showing me the today him. Maybe I should thank her for that…

My dear, please be fine.

Ugly Jealousy


There exist an individual who persistently pushing her luck on my patience. She has been doing this [crap] since our love story acknowledged to her. If I am to talk about the 'unfortunate coincidences', I might just sound paranoid.

Her target: my jealousy; her weapon: him.
I've been watching and letting go when she called him with a nickname. I told myself, it's just another nickname. But when she wrote on his wall, calling him that [stupid] nickname again, I said: that's it she just started a war. I was rummaging my mind for the trickiest and ugliest plan for her. I swore to make both of them suffer. I am going to explode and the whole world won't have place to hide.

You can call me irrational or over sensitive or cemburu buta or not sporting; be my guess. What kind of girl running over someone else's other half, and acting weirdly [and gooey-ly] 'loving'? She would have guessed even with one side of her brain that that will turn me in…

About Us - Part 2: Moments


Whenever I miss him, there will be moments that guaranteed to make me smile... or blush. I don't like to look at his picture. Pictures make me miss him more and make the distance between us more significant. I only display one picture of him in my purse, or should I say shade of him. It was taken during Gerak Gemilang's rehearsal session. I prefer to remember him in his sweetest moment.
It was after training at UNIMAS Sports Complex and we were sitting in a circle. I caught him eyeing me. I will never forget his expression when I met his eyes. My heart skipped a beat or two and then I laugh! G.O.T.C.H.A. Hahaha. "The smile on your face let me know that you need me, there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave"... that was the feeling.

"(...) Anak-anak kita jangan biar main kat jalan raya."
"(...) Anak-anak dah mandi atau belum mandi lagi macam ibunya?"
He used to joke about kids. The first time he did that, I smiled t…

About Us - Introduction

I can't remember when [date] we first met but the scene is clear in my mind. It was during training. I was having my break and looking down to UNIMAS football field when I saw him. If you expect me to write about love-at-first-sight sparks, forget it. All I think was "who is this guy" and "have I heard stories about him?”

Yes, no sparks and I never have thought I'd fallen in love with him. [If only I know I would have mark the calendar!] Then, his presence started to be significant to me when I was elected as SCH-Unimas's Vice President. I spent more time with him, getting to know him and learning his knowledge.

It was the second semester of my first year in UNIMAS; I stayed for third semester for my Calculus class. I almost cancelled it after I had a harsh break up and the ticket was booked. But somehow, a SMS from him made me want to stay. It felt right to stay; like fulfilling a promise.

We spent a lot of time together during the 2 months per…

Parenting 101


To walk into a stranger's mind is easier compare to attempting to walk into a family member's mind. Sometime I think it's easier to walk and to understand an unknown criminal's mind compare to understand my siblings' mind. The fact agitated me!

I am suggesting Parenting 101 to be a compulsory subject in school and university. It is practical and useful as everyone will one day grow up being a parent. Why wait until it's too late to realized a parent's responsibility?

We are whispering about sex education at school but nobody raise any issue on the parenting responsibilities education. That's why babies were found everywhere, because they only know how to produce one and then they 'learn the hardest way' that parenting is HARD! That is my first argument.

My second argument is that we never know when the parenting skills are needed. One moment you are under parental supervision, the next second people are depending on you to provide p…

Hey Heavy Heart


When you have a heavy heart, please do not go around messing with other innocent people. Even if they are the source of your bad day, please have some dignity. Pretty girls don't do stuff like that. [Ha ha ha] Do bear in your mind that you are not the only human being walking on this earth with all sorts of problem in your heart. Your [so called] issue could be the tiniest compare to others.

I am not the expert in heavy heart stuff or how to overcome it. But I'd like to share some 'steps' that worked well for me --- some were advised, some were learnt.

Solat and Al-Quran. For Muslims, this is the best and the first step I'll suggest. Perform the solat and recite the Al-Quran. In your solat, 'tell' HIM your entire burden. Ask for HIS forgiveness, ask for HIS Rahman and Rahim, and ask HIM to show you the way. You should try this: Al-Quran recitations help to heal all wounds. I have an experience where the more I recite, the stronger I felt.

Mix …



Alhamdulillah, praise to ALLAH, the ijab qabul ceremony went well with one lafaz even though Abah’s father in law (to be) passed away at 7.20 am this morning. So, like everyone summarizes it, we got a new mother. [To be frank, I don’t prefer people referring this event as “getting new mother” event. A mother is not similar to anything replaceable. Furthermore, my siblings and I doesn’t need reminders that we have “lost” our mother. A simple fundamental, please do not do anything you’d not prefer in your life.]

Another completed task, another road traveled. No tears ---- I’m not proud of it and vice versa. I do not know what the feeling is. Maybe, relieved. Ya, relief could be the correct word though not precise. Don’t you agree to define it that way when you have completed a task that you believe something you must do?

Life is a journey and [InsyaALLAH] I still have quite a distance to explore. Some people say that an end is the beginning of something else but I only be…

Abah's Wedding


I was at Taiping last weekend. Mission: Abah's wedding preparation. I need to do some shopping for the hantaran. Not even a bead bought and I was cracking my head for inspiration. No inspiration mean no idea, no idea mean I don't know what I need and that is major problem --- shopping is not possible. Ugh! Hantaran is nothing, you should see the house. Alice would think she's in another wonderland. Ouch!

To involve in a wedding preparation is my norm. At least I think so. Of course it feels weird. I am only human. While I shopped for the necessary stuff (and apparently spending my whole evening with Abah, including visiting Abah's future father in law at hospital and attending Abah's colleague's son birthday party), I ask myself: what have I get myself into? I know there are people who think I am simply chose to torture myself.

I might not know what I am doing, but I know this is something right to do.

Nobody, including Abah, is holding anything as…

Hari Wanita 2010

Dia Wanita

Bagai pohon tegak berdiri
Sentiasa kau tahan diuji
Bagai Sungai yang terus mengalir
Pengorbanan tetap tak pernah berakhir

Engkau bulan engkau juga suria
Kerana keistimewaanmu
Terpikul segala amanah di bahumu

Demi kebahagiaan semua
Api kau genggam menjadi bara
Jasad lebur
Semangat tak luntur
Wanita mithali engkaulah obor


8 Mac 2010 adalah Hari Wanita Sedunia. Selamat Hari Wanita, wanita-wanita sekelian! :) Oh saya sangat teruja. Lagu di atas kerap dimainkan di televisyen ketika zaman mudaku dahulu :p Hahaha


Para suri rumah kerana telah bertungkus lumus menguruskan sebuah rumah tangga. For making a building more than just a house, but a home.

Para ibu-ibu mithali yang bersabar dengan kerenah anak-anak serta suami. Bukan senang tu. Macam-macam ada.

Para wanita yang sentiasa menyokong suami mereka dengan penuh kepercayaan dan kesetiaan. Kelembutan yang ALLAH anugerahkan adalah untuk membelai tapi cukup kuat untuk menyokong di saat paling sukar.

Kepada semua wa…

Mitsuo Aida - Importance of Innocence


I would like to share an excerpt from Paolo Coelho's Like the Flowing River: Meeting in the Dentsu Gallery (Pg. 177). It is a poem by Mitsuo Aida, Japanese poet and calligrapher (1921-1991) on the importance of innocence.
At first, I have so many things to talk about below poem. But I think the poem has spoken everything itself. I hope, as I am, you too can learn something from it.

Happy reading :)

Because it has lived its life intensely
the parched grass still attracts the gaze of passers-by.
The flowers merely flower,
and they do this as well as they can.
The white lily, blooming unseen in the valley,
Does not need to explain itself to anyone;
It lives merely for beauty.
Men, however, cannot accept that ‘merely’.

If tomatoes wanted to be melons,
they would look completely ridiculous.
I am always amazed
that so many people are concerned
with wanting to be what they are not;
what’s the point of making yourself look ridiculous?

You don’t always have to pretend to be strong,

A Woman's Dream and Men's Desire


I watched "The Stepford Wives" at TV2 last night. IT's a story about Joanna Eberhart, a successful television executive who got fired after her latest project resulted with shooting incident. Suffering a nervous breakdown, she and her husband, Walter, move into a small and beautiful town called Stepford in Connecticut.

Stepford, apart from having awesome scenery, is a home of a weird community. The wives spend their time at Stepford Daily Spa and the men spend their time at Stepford Men's Assocciation --- all day! The weirdest should be the wives [it's Stepford wives, after all]. They were all, like Joanna quoted, like air stewardess, or like a doll; they were ideal housewives and perfect ladies. These wives were apparently half robotic with nano chips in their brain and tailored specifically for the husbands' standard. At the end of the story it was discovered that Claire is the mastermind for the stepfordization of the wives. She was emotiona…

Coba Untuk Bersabar...


WARNING: Ini 'Aini sedang membebel dan mengugut~ Lalalalalala :p

Bersabar memang menyakitkan. Walaupun bukan dalam setiap keadaan, saya suka bila saya boleh bersabar. Bunyinya riak, tapi bersabar buat saya rasa hebat. Kebolehan untuk bersabar umpama satu pembuktian ketahanan diri; I can feel the adrenaline rush and I love it.

Saya paling suka perasaan di saat saya akan hilang sabar. It's like standing at the very edge of a deadly high cliff. You can't see what's waiting for you. You are debating with yourself whether or not to jump off it. Sometime it feels like cliff diving but most of the time it feels like a suicide mission.

What if I jump?
What if I don't jump?
Should I jump?

Macam yang saya sedang rasa sekarang ni... I really feel like jumping off the cliff, wishing to land on sharp rocks. If I'm lucky enough I will drown and bleed to death.

Every time I'm thinking about jumping, I repeated a dialogue from New Moon: "You wanted me to be h…