Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Celebrate the Love: Bones and Booth

I have exam at 2 pm today and I've been burning the midnight oil. But I really really really want to share this: Bones and Booth's wedding vow. Well sort of wedding conversation, actually.
I love them and I am happy that the characters finally get their happy ending.

To Bones, the coolest geek I ever known, and to Booth, congratulations!

Booth: "You know, I worked really, really hard on my vows, but you know, now that we're here—look, hey, do you remember the last time that we were here, standing right around this spot? It was right in the beginning, before we really knew each other. I was trying to get away from you, because you were irritating me, and you chased me down and you caught up to me. I said to you, 'Listen, I just have to get all my ducks in a row,' right, and then you said to me, [Brennan: "I can be a duck."]. Yeah. We had been chasing each other for a long time, been chasing each other through wars and serial killers and ghosts and snakes and chasing you has been the smartest thing that I have ever done in my life and being chased by you has been my greatest joy. But now, we don't have to chase each other anymore because we caught each other."

Brennan: "When Hodgins and I were buried alive, we each wrote a message to someone we loved, in case our bodies were ever found. Hodgins wrote to Angela, and I wrote to you. [She takes out the letter] 'Dear Agent Booth, you are a confusing man. You are irrational and impulsive, superstitious and exasperating. You believe in ghosts and angels and maybe even Santa Claus, and because of you, I've started to see the universe differently. How is it possible that simply looking into your fine face gives me so much joy? Why does it make me so happy that every time I try to sneak a peek at you, you're already looking at me? Like you, it makes no sense, and like you, it feels right. If I ever get out of here, I will find a time and a place to tell you that you make my life messy and confusing and unfocused and irrational and wonderful.' This is that time, this is that place."

Monday, October 7, 2013

Innocent Love

I'm laughing the clouds away,
I hear what the flowers say,
And drink every drop of rain,
And I see,
Places that I have been,
In ways that I've never seen,
My side of the grass is green,
Ooh I can't believe that it's so simple,
It feels so natural to me,

If this is love,
Then love is easy,
It's the easiest thing to do,
If this is love,
Then love completes me,
Cause it feels like I've been missing you,
A simple equation,
With no complications,
To leave you confused,
If this is love, love, love,
Hmm it's the easiest thing to do...
("Love is Easy" by McFly)


As a young girl, I find it amusing when Mak and her sisters (my aunts) would giggle like high school teenagers over their childhood love stories. It is always with the cousin or playmate they know all their life. When I started to have favorite cousins or playmate, I assume that's how they felt. But then when I begin to see the world through more serious lenses, what was once cute looked awfully ridiculous. My brain can't pull the strings and make sense to all the excitement and giggling. I mean, over a bunch of puppy love, love with no objective or happy ending? Yeah... very inspiring.

But today, when I giggled to my own childhood love story, I finally share what Mak and my aunts’ feel. Because the feeling was developed at a young age, they are pure. It was sweet, innocent platonic loves that demand nothing in return. Just love. A simple equation, with no complications...

And I guess, since it demand nothing so no pressure and no drama. They don't actually break up; they just understand that it is the matter of heart and the power of fate. Maybe that's why they can see this as another event in their life, shared with other people.

I am a terrible ex. I move on but I can't act like nothing happen. Because I love seriously, I take break up pretty seriously as well. I have war zones. Hahaha. With that, I personally adore people who actually can leave the past behind them and stay connected as friends.

As I grow more mature (and older), I believe it is a matter of time. After all, it's been said that time heals. Maybe not until today or tomorrow and not until end of this year. But I'll get there. I'll get over it sooner or later. And someday, one fine day, we all can sit together and laugh at our stories.

I was asked how I get over it, am I not curious about them...? Of course I do. Frankly, I still and will always care about their well-being. We have stories, but we are human being. Sometime the memories make me cry, thus I cry. Sometime they make me laugh, thus I laugh. But most importantly, they make me stronger and they build me to be a better person.

Thank you, sincerely.

P.S: Lama diam, tiba-tiba muncul dengan kisah perasaan. Isk isk isk! :)


Monday, June 10, 2013

Ayah dan Ibu...


Hari ni aku menangis menonton video ini.

Video tersebut berobjektif memperkenalkan MedicMesir, but I just can't help to read between the lines. And came the tears.

Dalam menjadi manusia, wujud masa-masa jahil di mana aku berasa malu dengan perkaitan yang ada dalam kehidupan aku. Aku pernah malu mempunyai ibu bapa dan keluarga yang menjadi diri mereka dan berada di tahap yang mampu mereka capai. Aku berasa tidak setaraf. Aku berasa 'dirahmati' dengan kepintaran dan kebolehan di tahap yang berbeza.

Dan hari aku tersedar dari kejahilan tersebut adalah hari yang paling memalukan dalam hidup aku. Itu adalah hari aku paling kecewa dengan diri sendiri. Hari aku yang paling bodoh. Hina sungguh diri aku sebagai seorang anak yang malu terhadap ibu bapa dan keluarga sendiri.

Mana ada ibu bapa yang tidak berkorban dan tidak buat habis baik untuk anak-anak mereka. Semua yang bernama ibu bapa, semua yang keadaan mindanya berada di tahap keibu bapaan, akan buat habis baik. Sekecil-kecil dan semurah-murahnya pengorbanan tersebut di mata dan hati kita anak-anak, itu adalah sedaya dan seupaya ibu bapa untuk kebaikan kita.

Just because it is not to your liking, it is meaningless!

Kalau tak, kita takkan ada di dunia ini.
Kalau tak, takkan wujud 'anak' di dunia ini.

Jadi amatlah tidak wajar untuk seorang anak berasa malu dengan ibu bapa sendiri.
Kalau ada yang malu jugak, aku anjurkan jangan bangga langsung dengan diri sendiri - you're half of them.

Ibu bapa cuma satu, bila mereka telah tiada, mereka tiada untuk selama-lamanya.
Seteruk manapun ibu bapa, sebagai anak wajib taat. Balasan Allah untuk anak derhaka amat pedih.
Akan tiba harinya anak-anak berada di tempat ibu bapa mereka. Fikir-fikirlah; jangan riak.

Aku menulis bukan untuk berlagak. Aku menulis bukan untuk membuka aib.
Tapi aku menulis untuk berkongsi dan sama-sama belajar dari kesilapan. Untuk sama-sama sedar kepada peluang dan ruang yang Allah adakan untuk hambanya yang mahu.

Mohon doa mendoakan -
Seperti mana Allah telah mewujudkan kesedaran dalam hati aku yang pernah serba gelap, dan dalam akal aku yang pernah jahil; semoga Allah berikan juga kesedaran kepada anak-anak yang lain dari kegelapan dan kejahilan mereka.

Doakan juga aku dan anak-anak yang lain terlepas dari menjadi anak yang derhaka kepada ibu bapa, dan hamba yang derhaka kepada Tuan.

Amiin Ya Allah.

Nota Kaki:
- Semoga Allah merahmati Encik Saiful Nang yang telah berkongsi video ini.
- Apa gunanya pencapaian tahap ke bulan sekalipun, jika hati bertuhankan syaitan.


Wednesday, May 22, 2013


Namanya Muhammad Umar Hidayat bin Tun Hafidzul Hakim. Lahir lewat petang Ahad 12 Mei 2013, Hari Ibu. Kata adik ipar dalam SMS pada malamnya: "Mak Long dah tau ke baby dah lahir? Kali ni betul-betul Muhammad". Hahaha. Maklumlah, masa Sumayyah sudah salah sangka. Sampaikan Moochi tak mesra dengan Mak Long akibat dipanggil 'Muhammad' ketika dalam kandungan.


"Panggil Umar. Sorry Haffizzatul Aini Aton :)"
Begitu tag adikku pagi seterusnya, sempena memperkenalkan Umar di Facebook.

Umar. I reserve this one name for my son.
"Dah agak dah. No problem. Aku tetap akan namakan anak aku Umar :p" balas aku. Kecewa? Not to that extend. Memang kami berdua suka kepada Saidina Umar R.A. Dan memang telah disebut-sebut hajatnya menamakan (andai anak lelaki) Umar. My Umar will be next!

"Papa Kimi dah ambil nama anak Mak Long. Jadi Umar ni Mak Long yang punya", kataku berseloroh dengan Hakimi.
Naif Hakimi menjawab: "Kimi taktau pun Mak Long ada anak".
Dush! Such a pure soul, I'd say.
Hakimi dan Umar

Sayang sungguh Hakimi dengan Umar. Maklumlah sama-sama lelaki. Mungkin Hakimi berasa akhirnya dia ada kawan. Siap minta diambil gambar bersama. Tapi Hakimi memang abang yang penyayang. Masa Sumayyah lahir pun Hakimi nampak gembira bertambah seorang lagi adik. Masa tu Hakimi panjatkan harapan, Sumayyah janganlah selasak Syifa - 'membuli' abang. Mana tahu Sumayyah sama saja dengan Syifa. Hahaha. Umar - entah bagaimana personalitinya. Mungkin selasak Bubble dan Moochi. Mungkin berperibadi halus dan lebut macam Hakimi.

Melihat Hakimi, Syifa, Sumayyah dan Umar membuat aku berfikir. Anak-anak perlu dibesarkan menjadi insan yang lebih baik daripada ibu bapa / penjaga. Bukan setakat sama, apatah lagi kurang.
Aku mahu anak-anak ini membesar menjadi insan yang lebih baik daripada aku dan kami semua.


Monday, May 20, 2013

Final Bouquet


Delayed post; original posting date: 15 -21 April 2013

In "The Wedding Planner" Mary (J.Lo) said that if you can't wed, you planned them. As for me, if I am not the bride, I can always be the bridesmaid. True enough, in 3 years I have been a bridesmaid for 7 times. 27 Dressess much? Hahaha. I find myself unable to say no to the brides and I do jokes about being a bridesmaid for 27 times; but I never thought it could reach this integer.

Thus, before another 20 -- On a bright sunny 13th of April, wearing a beautiful peplum dress, surrounded by family and friends, on a day where everybody is happy, with the scent of fresh flowers floating in the air, while I walked the 7th bride to the her dais -- this bridesmaid decide that it is time to retire. I 'catch' my final bouquet. I actually love the wedding songs!

Why now? Let's see... Firstly, because I believe I have walked every possible bride on their wedding day. There shouldn't be any bride who needs me as a bridesmaid anymore. What about my one and only sister? Nah. She needs me on her wedding day, but not as the bridesmaid. Then comes number two: It's time to take up new role. I can't be a bridesmaid forever. Even if I'm not going to be a bride, it is time to prepare myself to organize a wedding. On the family side, I mean, not the wedding planner. You know, my younger siblings have reached their married age. In addition to those, it really doesn't feel right to bridesmaid somebody younger than you. Haha.

Bridesmaids Trivia

Most hated bridesmaid 'advise': "Don't overshadow the bride"
That is PURE NONSENSE. How could a bridesmaid overshadow the bride? On her big day? Come on. This nonsensical sentiment needs to end, A.S.A.P. And I'd say, if there's a bride who sees her bridesmaid as a threat, she might as well consider not having a bridesmaid in the first place. And for the bridesmaid, who purposely tries to overshadow the bride, you better stop doing that darling or you deserve a bouquet to your face.

Most favorite myth: Bridesmaid-ing steals your shine and delayed your own wedding.
I'd originally start with a "pffftttt". But given the situation that I am not yet married, I take that back. My current situation is caused by a lot of thing, but bridesmaid-ing is not one of it. It is just not my turn, yet. I think that's the reason I got to be a bridesmaid for 7 times. Other girls were intimidated by this silly myth! Hahaha.

Most favorite part in a wedding: The family and friends' assembly.
Wedding is an event where everybody who shares the same love connections gathered and make it extra special day. It is an event of love. I have a big family. My family member scattered all over Malaysia. Wedding is number one priority event we would try not to miss and that's when we get to see each other. Being a bridesmaid, I think meeting the brides' family and friends is my favorite part (especially when the bride is a friend). I find myself overexcited about that, that I can't sleep one week before the event. Hahaha.

Picture story:
This is my 7th bridesmaid shoes and the flower here is
kusudama I’ve been working on. Kusudama normally
has 5 petals. But for this entry, I made a special
7-colored-petals  kusudama to symbolize the events.

About My Wedding

Me and wedding; we have a long history. I was in a place where I could not escape the wedding preparation: I am that sweet niece and cousin. In addition, at that time wedding was prepared from scratch. So each hands count. And I am the perfect one in a perfect age to understand instruction and meet the expectation, the one with most available time plus the skills. How could I say 'no'? I don't really into this wedding errand things at first. But from one wedding to another, I started to gain my momentum. Practice does make perfect. After a while, wedding preparation becomes something fun to do. Pressuring, but fun.

But as Mary and Jane, when it comes to my own wedding, I'd like it to be simple. I had big dreams. But as I understand more about love and the world surrounding it, that dream also changed. I come to see that wedding reception does not define the depth of love and that a wedding does not defined by how lavish you spent. In honoring a new beginning and the extension of love - it must be with the one, witnessed and celebrated by family and friends who love both of us unconditionally.

I believe and I hope, that is all I need to be happy on my wedding day.


Friday, May 17, 2013



Suddenly all spinning wheels come to a halt. At least for now. The hardest part has ended. Phew.
Cue in Iron Man Three's "Battle Finale"!
Usain Bolt poses!
Winning dance!
Princess-in-hanbok pose, breathe properly and smile sweetly...
"Alhamdulillah, we made it alive".

In my tired mind, that was how the moment celebrated yesterday. The last part doesn’t really fit the theme song, the princess-in-hanbok. I just don't care. Hahaha.

We're only half way through everything. But we sure have covered the 20-80 part. Like I said, the hardest part has ended. I believe that if we can survive that part, we can survive the whole deal. 

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all." - Sam Ewing
Winning Personality

Somehow, in between sleepless nights, weird dreams, extended working hours and excessive tasks, I feel like my newly altered personality can't win the battle. Gah. I feel like a failed scientist.
You know, dark powers always portrayed as more powerful and cool while the good sides, the white magic always lack of something and always in need for hard-to-get stuff like true love kiss? That is exactly how I feel. I feel like this sweet, all-positive and kind personality won't fight well. I feel like I need to make a deal with my 'dark side' for some leverage. I need the perfectionist melancholy girl. She's a better fighter.

Luckily I manage to snap out of it. I must loosen some screws along the way.
Winning a battle is just one thing. The bigger question is who do you want to see in the mirror after the winning? Certain things are just not worth to trade for whatsoever victory.

Winning Recipe

I agree with Mr. Theodore Roosevelt: "With self-discipline most anything is possible”.

So here is my winning recipe:

#1: Self-discipline
#2: Good management - time and resource
#3: Proper planning
#4: Wise strategy
#5: Ethics
#6: The commitment to obey #1 to make use of #2 until #5.

Yes sir!

We All Need Good Theme Song

One of my colleague points out that I manage to keep my skin pimple-free even under such pressure. Well... ya. At least this round my skin did not reacted that way. She can be mean sometime. Any tips? Nope. Maybe try to listen to nice songs while walking that pressure. No sad melancholy songs, please. Those cause pimples. Big ones.

I highly recommend instrumental. Go for classical music, string quartet. They really did something to your brain. Modern classics will also do the tricks.

I listened to:
1. CN Blue; live concerts are preferable
2. Vivaldi
3. Yiruma; live concerts are preferable
4. The Piano Guys
5. My favorite Korean songs

Origami Therapy

I find making origami very therapeutic.
I can't believe I write that. Hahaha.
I was too busy and tired for retail therapy; and comfort foods I ate burnt to feed the brain. I can't allocate time or peace of mind to write or read.
One fine day, I borrowed my roommate’s wedding magazine and fall in love with some paper flowers featured in that issue. I Google it the next day - it's called kusudama. The next thing I know I was on a shopping trip (when I said I don't have time for retail therapy!) for papers. I actually find peace making them -- the picture for this entry is one of them. Now I'm making a more complicated folding - kusudama butterfly, in smaller size.

------------------- xx

Like my manager said, "one less thing on your very full plate". New challenge is on the way while the final part of current battle continues. It's good to be back, to be able to write something. But first thing first. I'm off, for now.

"Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven't half the strength you think they have." - Norman Vincent Peale

Monday, April 15, 2013

Charming Warning

A full-time charmer is a part-time heartbreaker.
This is a warning: Please be more responsible.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Busy Me


19:00, at office.
I am super busy. After this I can’t say I want to be a writer anymore - I surprise myself with this statement! Writing is super fun when I am doing it for my own self. It is super not fun when I am doing it to meet other people’s deadline. Pffttt.
Oh I am not inspired to write, but picture speaks. Enjoy.

Today’s quote:
"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see." - John Burroughs


I want a Hanbok.

We move to another temporary office, one floor below our permanent office. The view is nice!

I come to like Panda and Yoon Si-yoon more~ Hehehehe

Fall in love with above dress...
From: "Queen of Ambition" Ep. 1; Dae Hae First Lady Dress

Apparently, I got myself a peplum for my 7th time being a bridesmaid. I am considering to retire ;)

Masjid Bayan Baru, sementara menunggu ketibaan Ustaz Don ke Kuliah Dhuha.

My darling...

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Biasa Yang Luar Biasa

Sebenarnya kita tak perlukan seseorang yang sempurna atau luar biasa di samping kita... Cukup sekadar seseorang yang biasa-biasa; yang menjadikan dunia luar biasa dengan kebaikan dalam dirinya.
Yes, I truly believe that.
Kita manusia mempunyai pelbagai permintaan; kemahuan. We always have something to add to the ever growing list. Hakikatnya apa yang kita benar-benar mahu pada akhirnya adalah apa yang kita perlu.
Jangan buang masa mengejar kemahuan. Cukuplah apa yang kita perlu.

Ahad, 10 Feb 2013

Friday, February 1, 2013

Love is a Secret

Credit to: http://i1.trekearth.com/photos/4563/lonely_heart.jpg
“To somebody, love is like medals or trophies, the result of a victory to boast of. To somebody, love is the process of waiting endlessly on for the other person, which turns into true feeling. To that woman, love is a secret she cannot allow to be exposed, not even to herself.”
 - Go Dok Mi; Flower Boys Next Door

Monday, January 21, 2013

Twenty Nine: Older and Wiser


Alhamdulillah. It is a week after my 29th birthday. Syukur kepada Allah. Tiada Tuhan yang disembah melainkan Allah dan Muhammad SAW adalah pesuruh Allah.
Doaku, seperti yang diriwayatkan oleh al-Tabarani yang telah diajarkan oleh Rasulullah kepada seorang lelaki: "Ya Allah, aku memohon daripadaMU jiwa yang tenang, beriman dengan pertemuan denganMU, redha dengan ketentuanMU dan berasa cukup dengan pemberianMU". Semoga setiap nafas yang tersisa adalah nafas yang mentauhidkan Allah; sehingga hujung nyawa...
Amiin Ya Rabb, Amiin Ya Rabb, Amiin Ya Rabb.

"Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength." - Betty Friedan

This is my 29th birthday. I know each birthday is special, but birthdays are not supposed to be remembered only by celebration, wishes and cake. So to make a difference, I had a birthday mission. Alhamdulillah, the mission was successfully accomplished! It was nothing big, but was very satisfying. I didn't get normal birthday celebration - I was in Penang - but it has value; I feel like I am growing old for a good reason. In a good way. Thus, this will be my new tradition. A give-back-to-the-community birthday mission, starting from this year and forward, InshaAllah.

The best birthday gift [other than doa and thoughts from all] come in the form of friends. The week before my birthday, I received a friend request via my Facebook. It is my long lost primary school friend! Subhanallah. Maha Suci Allah. I was thinking about her lately. It is a miracle. We were good friend, best friend. We were parted 15 years ago when we go to different secondary school after our UPSR. She's now married with two wonderful kids.

A day after my birthday, I received great news: a friend is getting married. It is the happiest birthday gift, ever. Kebahagiaan ialah melihat orang yang kita sayang bahagia. We only know each other for a year maybe. But the bonding is like we have known each other longer than that. She has challenging life. Even her wedding did not come so easily. For that, I am thankful that Allah has given her someone to share the love and life with her. My darling friend Najwa, Baraka Allahu Lakuma wa Baraka alikuma, Wa jamaah baina kuma fee khair. May Allah bless you and shower his blessings on you and bring you together in goodness.

Breakable But Not Vulnerable

"Porcelain is a ceramic material made by heating raw materials, generally including clay in the form of kaolin, in a kiln to temperatures between 1,200 degrees Celcius and 1,400 degrees Celcius. The toughness, strength, and translucence of porcelain arise mainly from the formation of glass and the mineral mullite within the fired body at these high temperatures." - Wikipedia

I have been seeing myself as the clay and what happened these few years were the high temperatures. It changed me from just a clay to a porcelain; a China. It looks fragile but it is tougher than it looks. Yes, you can smash it into pieces. But it won't be as easy as you might think. It is comfortable to put it that way. The high temperature is nasty but the outcome is pretty. But then there is this question: Why after the rough process, porcelain still turns out fragile, isn't it worth to be unbreakable?

Well, nothing is really unbreakable in this world. Even diamond can be shaped and can be turned into powder. This is the misconception I used to have. I thought if I could survive a tough situation, nothing could break me - at least not the same event. I became overconfident. I became careless. Then I break. That is the trick, I guess. Challenges in life weren't meant to make anybody less human. It is supposed to make a better human with higher resistance.

It is okay to be breakable. That is our human side. That is the side we want to remain no matter how strong we are. Just don't be vulnerable. Porcelain is breakable. That's why it is to be kept in a proper place, a place that would protect it. Someone who appreciates porcelain knows how to take care of it. They wouldn't leave a China at the edge of a table. Read: Life and love is for the one who can appreciate it.

Another Chance

I have had ideal dreams and I have cherished the complicated side of me. I have made my statement and I have had my speeches. In summary, I have lived my twenty something years so far pretty much excitingly!

So what else I want to do next?

I just want to be a better person. A good person. A good daughter. A good sibling. A good family member. I want to be someone who sincerely forgives. I don't want to be angry anymore, but if I need to be angry, I want it to be for something worthy. I want to be able live peacefully. I want to enjoy whatever weather outside my window while sipping [even only] a glass of warm water. I want to take care of my family. I want to fulfill my responsibility. I want to inspire. I want to share love.

I just want to make the world a better place. And I want to be able to say, each time I look into the mirror, that the wrinkles are from all the smiling :)

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been." - Mark Twain
Me and my Bubble As-Syifa... Semoga mampu bersyukur dan tersenyum
dalam setiap kejadian yang ALLAH rencanakan. Amiin Ya ALLAH~

Life and Death

If I can assume how long I can live, I can say that I have lived 29 years of my whole life. I have lived half of my life. But I can't. Death is not something we human could foresee. We celebrated birthdays year after year, but we never know how much we have used up from our life. If you could know you will be stranded on top of a mountain from 7 days before being rescue, you'd save the supplies to lasts that long. What happen if you didn't know when you'll be rescued?
That's the point. You must value the life Allah has given to you. Birthdays are steps closer to death.
Don't waste your life, don't blow your chance.


Tuesday, January 1, 2013

13 Days to 29!


1 Januari 2013. Satu lagi tahun bermula mengikut kalendar masihi. Masih baru, tapi ini bukan tahun pertama aku tidak menyambut tahun baru masihi. Jadi tiada sambutan, tiada azam. Semua itu telah dinekadkan 1 Muharram yang lalu.
Dalam fikiran cuma ada dua perkara. Pertamanya, terlupa nak beli planner tahun 2013. Bukanlah penting memandangkan aku bukanlah manusia yang sibuk sangat. Cuma dah jadi kebiasaan untuk ada planner. Kedua, usia akan beranjak dalam tempoh 13 hari. Berkira-kira untuk buat kek hari lahir sendiri untuk usia yang ke-29… Tapi menurut pengalaman, macam takkan menjadi macam kek Ben10 tahun lepas. Hahaha *wink*
Kepada yang memerlukan satu titik permulaan, hari ini salah satu darinya.  Garisan adalah titik-titik yang bersambung - mulakan sesuatu yang baik, bina garisan yang membawa ke arah positif dan semestinya garisan yang membawa makna yang dapat dikongsikan bersama.

Nota: Happy birthday to Achik; my favorite aunty! XOXO~