It's only Tuesday and I am already losing it. My days usually consist of Monday, 3 Thursdays, Friday and weekend. Tapi minggu ni hari Khamis pertama tak kunjung tiba. Hari ni ialah hari Selasa! Huhuhu.
Kak Dilah cadangkan aku cuba "Halal Speed Dating". Because I love Kak Dilah dearly, I promise to try. The first wave of reluctance hits me when I can't find the organizer of the event, yet I need to give my personal information. Then they asked for my wali's email and phone number. Okay! I can't make myself to proceed further, so I closed the online form.
During lunch, I re-opened the site. I manage to fill out 70% of it. Then I got stuck here:
* What obstacles do you have to get yourself married ["pour your heart out", they say~]
* Dear future Husband [Share your hopes and dreams. What you would like to tell your future husband. Write in point form.]
* Your expectation from your future Husband [Write about your genuine expectations from your partner. Be very clear and use simple words. Write in point form.]
How am I supposed to express such thing in writing? In point form pulak tu. Kelemahan aku, aku tak pandai buat rumusan atau karangan pendek. I have tons to express and tell.
Lagipun aku rasa segan dengan diri sendiri. I felt that what I have to say is too gooey even for myself. I must not inflict any permanent damage to other people kan? Hahaha.
So I closed it, again.
I am still considering this event. Giving out personal details *online* is a big issue for me. I am a very private person. Dulu nombor telefon aku pun tak ramai tahu. It is strictly to close friends only. Sekarang je nombornya berterbangan bersama poster aktiviti.
Besides, a part of me feels like I don't need to go to this extent. I am not getting younger - that's true - and I need to make effort to find a potential spouse - true again - but a speed dating? Hmmm. Di hujung senarai aku yang panjang sekalipun, tak pernah wujud keperluan untuk cari jodoh macam ni.
In between sleepless, sleepiness, and oversleep, I believe what I need is 3 rounds of 8 hours REM sleep to think this through. I am still figuring out how to express those things up there without being perasan, syok sendiri and gooey. Yang paling penting, tidak menakutkan orang yang membacanya.
Mission: I am possible.
Semoga Allah tunjukkan jalan. Amiin Allahhumma Amiin.