I.Don't.Know


Assalamualaikum,
I am writing this without any concrete idea. I have many interesting stuff to share, but all are blocked by a sense of disappointment. Is this blockage can be consider as disappointment, I do not know. What I do know, it is something I can understand, yet I do not understand in the same time.

This week has been a week of... confusion [?]. I feel like too many things happened in my life and in others' life that changed me and them. I was so contented in my life that I have ignored what's changing in another part of the world. I no longer recognized some of the people in my life.

I am not to judge. It is not right for me to have a say at all about what's going on. I am also involved and I choose my way and they chose their way. But it broke my heart to see how much their way hurt another party. I understand what motivate them; I am not saying a word about it. I know only what's related to me. There were so many layers and I don't know whose lying. Probably all were telling the truth, from their perspective.

This "disappointment" and "confusion" almost fit to the feeling of waking one morning knowing that your loving family is falling apart. Parents talking about the divorce you never see, only to discover that everyone was covering up a lot of things from you -- to protect you. There was so much love in the family that you can't make sense how such hatred could exist. You were brought up with that loving environment... and now the loving environment seem fake.

Forgive.
Give chance.
Muhasabah.

This is just me.
We all go our way.
Wassalam.

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