Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Completed, At Last


Assalamualaikum,

Alhamdulillah, Abah's reception was held successfully. Over 90% of family members and Abah's friends attended the event --- including his Siamese schoolmate whom I never met. Abah's siblings, family and friends were all happy for his wedding. Each of them came with nicest do'a and may Allah The Most Responsive One bless them back.

Though it was a hectic event, I am satisfied. When it ends, that's mean Abah and Mama is now officially beginning their new life. That also means the end of another responsibility -- not that I hold that much responsibility.

On my way back to Penang, I sigh and thanked Allah for His Love and Most Compassion that everything went smoothly. Ya, little stuff took place in the events but none were strong enough to ruin anything. He Is The Greater One that unite our hearts and in Him we rely and trust. It sounded impossible and hard at first but it's now completed, at last.

O breeze that passed by
Send a message to a heart
All is well ends well
Love sealed and love heals
Let seasons past and let memories live
New life begins and old story never end.

Wassalam.

About Us - Part 3: Me, Him & Pink

Assalamualaikum,

Pink was not my preferable color. Though I did have few items in pink, they usually something Mak bought or something that was supposed to be pink or was made in pink that I have no choice at all. The why part, hmmm... because I felt pink was too girlish for me and I am not that girlish. Pink would not be happy if I wear her :D

But that was the past. I have no issue with pink now. In fact, I LOVE pink! While I dressed up this morning --- I am wearing my all-pink baju kurung and abstract motives pink tudung [that he loves] --- I suddenly realized how my perception changed.

He said I look beautiful and glowing in pink :)
[Hahahaha *blushing*]

That was the most concrete reason to love pink and to keep on wearing pink. The particular event took place on 2008, 23 months after our final meeting at Sarawak. It was our first real date.
Wassalam.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Different Home

Assalamualaikum,

I've trying to write this post since last Saturday. Now I am not sure if I can write it properly. OK, here we go again...

I was at Taiping last weekend to settle some business. Abah was at his hometown in Kedah for his side's reception. Silently, I am grateful for that. I will have some time to adjust and to compose myself. I need time, no matter how fast I can adapt to a new environment. When we're talking about major adjustment, like your parent remarried, please take some time to prepare yourself. This is sensitive issue; I might lose control over some missing forks.

When I arrived, the house was empty. That was normal. My younger brother would be in our neighbour's house cum his babysitter [though I think he is too old for something like 'babysitter'] as usual. Should I expect new arrangement of furniture, newly painted walls? Ok, the painted walls never came on my mind but I did consider about the new arrangement of furniture. It wouldn't hurt to admit that I spent some time checking the house, yes. As a conclusion, I didn't spot any major change in the house. Everything is exactly in their usual place, just tidier than to few months back.

At first, I was going to describe every little difference about our house; tidier, the floor cleanly swept, the dishes were well cleaned, even the house smells like a house of living people. But that just not it. A different home, after all, is what my mind wants me to believe. I am, without realizing it, was trying to protect my memories of Mak. I was terrified that the memories would change when the house changed. If given authority, like I said, not even one fork should be out of its place.

I remember what Pak Long said when I offered him Mak's belonging as a memory token. He told me, memories should not be represented by anything tangible, for everything tangible is prone to aging and move in time. You'd be hanging to it and feeling sad [once again] whenever something happen to your memory token. Pak Long took none of Mak's belonging.

The same with our home. Mak's memories linger in every corner. If memories can be bottled up, we would need a new house just for the jars. It's insane to expect no changes at all and it is even crazier if we want to prevent it from happening at all. Mama is our family now. As far as she would want to respect our memories with Mak [I have no doubt at all] we must be fair to her. What's a [new] beginning when you are trapped frozen in time? It's her home too. She is the lady of the house now and she have the right to change anything for the better.

[I'm not going to talk on behalf of anyone; I'm going to share what I feel]
Memories should not be tangible. It should be in our heart, sealed it with love and all strength. Even with all that, there will be time when we feel like the memories are fading and being wiped away. When this happen, we tend to relate it with events happening in life. But the truth is, those events can't touch our memories. It's our ego and fear that allow us to feel infuriated by the events. Human mind decayed and we must accept the fact and move on. Moving on doesn't mean that we have forget. It's here, in our heart, for as long as Allah allows us to keep.

Reflection...
I figured, it must be harder for my other siblings since they grew up in that house with Mak. It is hard enough for me; despite that I just joined them back on 2002. I spent lesser time in the house and have lesser memory with Mak.

My do'a...
Allah, enlighten us with your love and help us see all the good thing You have given us. Allah, please send Your Rahman and Rahim to our family and let our heart hold on together under Your Blessing. Allah, protect us from satan that whispers bad thoughts through our veins.


Wassalam.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

See


Assalamualaikum,
My heart bleed and the blood dripping all over the place. It’s like a scene from a horror movie. I know it will hurt me, badly. I know I will hate every little piece I found. But I have to do this. I miss him and I am worry about him. I need to know that he is fine. I need to be sure that he is still in one piece, breathing.

As much as I hate seeing him from her eyes, I am grateful that he attended that event. As much as I am hurt seeing him from her eyes and reading all those captions, she can have her way tonight, for showing me the today him. Maybe I should thank her for that…

My dear, please be fine.
Wassalam.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Ugly Jealousy


Assalamualaikum,

There exist an individual who persistently pushing her luck on my patience. She has been doing this [crap] since our love story acknowledged to her. If I am to talk about the 'unfortunate coincidences', I might just sound paranoid.

Her target: my jealousy; her weapon: him.
I've been watching and letting go when she called him with a nickname. I told myself, it's just another nickname. But when she wrote on his wall, calling him that [stupid] nickname again, I said: that's it she just started a war. I was rummaging my mind for the trickiest and ugliest plan for her. I swore to make both of them suffer. I am going to explode and the whole world won't have place to hide.

You can call me irrational or over sensitive or cemburu buta or not sporting; be my guess. What kind of girl running over someone else's other half, and acting weirdly [and gooey-ly] 'loving'? She would have guessed even with one side of her brain that that will turn me into volcano. And yet, she still did it. What, is she so noble to say that she wouldn't mind if other girls swarmed around her guy like that too?? She can go to that warmer place!

I am yet to understand why we continue to be in this intense relationship. It's been almost 6 years! We are supposed to let go and live our life to the fullest. I took the longest distance so that our path did not intersect but she continues to overtake in a deadly way. Have I sinned toward her that she demands me to suffer all this?

The trickiest and ugliest plan, I did not proceed with any of it. Yes I hate her and I would enjoy hurting her, very much. But it doesn't feel right. To do what I have in mind makes me feel cheap and make me no different than her. I don't allow myself to feel cheap and hell no like her. I sort of experimented over a post and I did not enjoy the feeling. I am a mature woman, not a teenager who do what their hearts want just to ease the aching.

I'd want to call her bitch for what she did. But the more I think, the more I pity her. Even if my love relationship is on a stake, it is pathetic for her to have that attitude. She has stamped the word 'cheap' on her forehead, herself. It's not okay to hurt others, and it is totally breaking the law of pretty girls to let you fall into that muddy-smelly-pathetic pool. Yucks!

Jealousy is my --- and other women's --- weakness; and maybe hers too. However, we women must spare some dignity. People would not award us for our devotion in love, people would not see the strong woman in us, and people don't go around complimenting sincerely for our unique values. But these people see through your soul once you made a mistake and will call you names at instance. Be beautiful and have a smart brain.

I hope ALLAH will help me and help you to be a smart Muslimah that worship HIM with all our heart. Amin.

Wassalam.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

About Us - Part 2: Moments


Assalamualaikum,

Whenever I miss him, there will be moments that guaranteed to make me smile... or blush. I don't like to look at his picture. Pictures make me miss him more and make the distance between us more significant. I only display one picture of him in my purse, or should I say shade of him. It was taken during Gerak Gemilang's rehearsal session. I prefer to remember him in his sweetest moment.
It was after training at UNIMAS Sports Complex and we were sitting in a circle. I caught him eyeing me. I will never forget his expression when I met his eyes. My heart skipped a beat or two and then I laugh! G.O.T.C.H.A. Hahaha. "The smile on your face let me know that you need me, there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave"... that was the feeling.

"(...) Anak-anak kita jangan biar main kat jalan raya."
"(...) Anak-anak dah mandi atau belum mandi lagi macam ibunya?"
He used to joke about kids. The first time he did that, I smiled to myself. Kids scared me and I was having communication issue with kids. But when he mentions it, he made them sound so wonderful. Before I realized it, I was learning to 'handle' kids.

Before I met him and before he love me, the word 'family' only refer to the existing-growing family, never my own family. But this relationship 'suggested' to me that maybe having a family of my own could be wonderful and it won't kill my dreams and I want it, too.

"I give up. I give in. I let go. Let’s begin. Cause no matter what I do; my heart is filled with you."
We have loved each other for almost six years. There were ups and downs, there were laughs and tears. No matter how intense this relationship is, there are great moments I can remember. If you could see all those moments, you'll understand what motivate the patience.

Tell me. Can you forget and let go easily the one who makes you feel normal, or make your name sounded exceptionally special every time he said it, or makes you feel beautiful in his eyes?

Wassalam.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

About Us - Introduction


Assalamualaikum,
I can't remember when [date] we first met but the scene is clear in my mind. It was during training. I was having my break and looking down to UNIMAS football field when I saw him. If you expect me to write about love-at-first-sight sparks, forget it. All I think was "who is this guy" and "have I heard stories about him?”

Yes, no sparks and I never have thought I'd fallen in love with him. [If only I know I would have mark the calendar!] Then, his presence started to be significant to me when I was elected as SCH-Unimas's Vice President. I spent more time with him, getting to know him and learning his knowledge.

It was the second semester of my first year in UNIMAS; I stayed for third semester for my Calculus class. I almost cancelled it after I had a harsh break up and the ticket was booked. But somehow, a SMS from him made me want to stay. It felt right to stay; like fulfilling a promise.

We spent a lot of time together during the 2 months period --- during training and outside training. He'd ride his scooter from Petrajaya to Kolej TAZ whenever he got time. We talked for hours and about everything. His visits were the moment I longed every day.

The third semester came to the end. My heart ached every time I think about going home and departing from him; it was worse when I know I won't see him again when I get back from my 1 month holiday. How did I fall in love with him?

He wrote me a letter when I already gave up. I never thought he'd feel the same way too. I never thought there's a guy who would fall in love with me. He gave me the greatest gift --- a love. I spent 1 month writing a reply, but not even one came up right, none sent. When I returned from 1 month holiday, I'm surprised --- he was still in Sarawak! He confronted me, asking for my little heart's answer after UTP's Wajadiri's training. I was angry, for he had to ask. Didn't my feeling obvious?

1st July 2004, dawn; I woke up to his SMS. He said he love me and need me too. Was I being electrocuted? or did flower petals fell from the sky? The feeling was... indescribable. It's love~

:-:To be continue:-:
Wassalam.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Parenting 101


Assalamualaikum,

To walk into a stranger's mind is easier compare to attempting to walk into a family member's mind. Sometime I think it's easier to walk and to understand an unknown criminal's mind compare to understand my siblings' mind. The fact agitated me!

I am suggesting Parenting 101 to be a compulsory subject in school and university. It is practical and useful as everyone will one day grow up being a parent. Why wait until it's too late to realized a parent's responsibility?

We are whispering about sex education at school but nobody raise any issue on the parenting responsibilities education. That's why babies were found everywhere, because they only know how to produce one and then they 'learn the hardest way' that parenting is HARD! That is my first argument.

My second argument is that we never know when the parenting skills are needed. One moment you are under parental supervision, the next second people are depending on you to provide parental supervision. Like me. I do agree, parenting skills are best learned through life experience. But it wouldn't hurt to learn in advance the fundamental of it.

Long story short [already a long introduction], I'm facing a major communication breakdown with my only sister [with all siblings and my Abah as well]. I feel like I'm speaking an extraterrestrial language that she can't understand. I can understand the rebelling desire in her but I can't pin point correct conversation that could lure her sanity to think of my good intention.

I'm not blaming or whining. It's just that there were moments of frustration that I wish I have learnt the parenting skills in school or university. Psychology only enables me to understand her, to look over for the cause and to reason her reaction. It takes a parent's heart to work over this communication stuff. A normal heart --- like mine --- don't have the patience to wait and listen and accept what I call "lame excuses" or "idiocy".
I am easily frustrated when she did something bad from my definition or when she did not met my expectation and mostly when her intellectual fail to reason between normal good or bad. I did not ask for perfection, I never ask her to be as boring as me. I just want her to be fine. She doesn’t have to undergo all etiquette 'classes' I attended when I was her age. All she needs to do is to listen to my suggestion [the hardest] and to consider it seriously [even harder].

I don't know how to tell her, effectively:
"That's stupid thing to do" and
"You'll regret it in 5 years time" or
"That attitude is prohibited in our family" and "I'm trying to protect you --- like I was protected --- not to control you" and
"Reality is cruel, you are yet to know the truth and I'm trying to give you the heads up" or
"You made bad decision" or
"I can't let you make me regret for not crossing your path to stop you from jumping off to hell".

Oh I know... it's me. It's me and my communication problem. I must not give up and keep looking for the best way to communicate with other human being. I must! This is not easy, but I am learning a life experience.

Reflection...
I wonder if all parents feel the same way I feel.I wonder if I was [am] that daughter that sent goose bumps to my parents' [grandparents'] spine.
Wassalam.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Hey Heavy Heart

Assalamualaikum,

When you have a heavy heart, please do not go around messing with other innocent people. Even if they are the source of your bad day, please have some dignity. Pretty girls don't do stuff like that. [Ha ha ha] Do bear in your mind that you are not the only human being walking on this earth with all sorts of problem in your heart. Your [so called] issue could be the tiniest compare to others.

I am not the expert in heavy heart stuff or how to overcome it. But I'd like to share some 'steps' that worked well for me --- some were advised, some were learnt.


Solat and Al-Quran. For Muslims, this is the best and the first step I'll suggest. Perform the solat and recite the Al-Quran. In your solat, 'tell' HIM your entire burden. Ask for HIS forgiveness, ask for HIS Rahman and Rahim, and ask HIM to show you the way. You should try this: Al-Quran recitations help to heal all wounds. I have an experience where the more I recite, the stronger I felt.

Mix with positive people. This is crucial. Do not mix around with those 'racun' kind of people. What you need is nice words, words that soothe you. Your close friends should be able to do that. Friends will do that. If they run away from you during your heavy heart time, ask them to pack their bag and never to comeback!

Listen to motivational songs. I'd like to clarify something on this. Motivational songs not necessarily songs that sings stronger soul or smarter choice. It can be a sad song, as long as you, the listener, feel relief and motivated while listening to it. Happy positive songs are highly recommended, though sad songs sometime works [for me]. It takes extra energy to think of the silver lining from a sad singing.

Do stuff you love. Does stuff that is for sure you can't resist being happy. I'll eat, I'll read, I'll watch movies and TV, I'll write... I'll go spend my time with my family and friends. Go shopping! Anything, but nothing stupid and you'd regret. Be rationale. You only have a heavy heart, not mentally incapable to think.

Sleep well. Sufficient sleeping hours keep your sanity on the right track. Sleepy is like fog, it clouded your judgment. I know sometime sleeping is hard when your mind can't stop thinking on the aching part. What I usually do, I will only go to bed when my eyelids are too heavy to stay awake. If that doesn't work, I'd read or watch the most boring book or shows. Please do not take any medication that is never prescribed to you.

Eat well. Good foods mean good health. Energy is required in thinking. When you are not eating well, your body will experience lack of nutrition and become weak. Unhealthy body mean unhealthy mind. Unhealthy mind can't think appropriately. Furthermore, if you don't eat well how are you going to do all the above?? :D

Stop blaming. I know that when problem struck us, we tend to blame; we blame it on others and the worst we blame it to ourselves. Blaming did not help. That must stop. Don't you feel for each blame, you are on flame; burn alive?

Being egoistic did not help. This is the most inappropriate attitude. First, ego will stop you from seeking help --- which you really need, and secondly it make you a boastful crap who did not consider to make an initiative because you are too ego too admit or to apologize or to make things right!

Do not talk if your thoughts did not produce anything good to share. If you continue to be talkative even though you can't say nice words to other, you might regret it. I will talk less or just sit silently if all I have in mind are harsh words. [I tend use big and heavy words when I'm in bad mood~]

All problems have solution. ALLAH did not test you if you are unable to go through the test. Believe in HIM, accept HIS wills. Redha with HIM. It is easier to talk than to do. But you have to try it first, than you can tell me that.

May ALLAH protect hearts that belong to HIM and worship HIM. Amiin.

Wassalam.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Completed

Assalamualaikum,

Alhamdulillah, praise to ALLAH, the ijab qabul ceremony went well with one lafaz even though Abah’s father in law (to be) passed away at 7.20 am this morning. So, like everyone summarizes it, we got a new mother. [To be frank, I don’t prefer people referring this event as “getting new mother” event. A mother is not similar to anything replaceable. Furthermore, my siblings and I doesn’t need reminders that we have “lost” our mother. A simple fundamental, please do not do anything you’d not prefer in your life.]

Another completed task, another road traveled. No tears ---- I’m not proud of it and vice versa. I do not know what the feeling is. Maybe, relieved. Ya, relief could be the correct word though not precise. Don’t you agree to define it that way when you have completed a task that you believe something you must do?

Life is a journey and [InsyaALLAH] I still have quite a distance to explore. Some people say that an end is the beginning of something else but I only believe in one end, HIS end. Please pray; I am close and closer to ALLAH always, I am wise and wiser for each road I traveled, and I am strong and stronger from each event in my life…

Wassalam.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Abah's Wedding


Assalamualaikum,

I was at Taiping last weekend. Mission: Abah's wedding preparation. I need to do some shopping for the hantaran. Not even a bead bought and I was cracking my head for inspiration. No inspiration mean no idea, no idea mean I don't know what I need and that is major problem --- shopping is not possible. Ugh! Hantaran is nothing, you should see the house. Alice would think she's in another wonderland. Ouch!

To involve in a wedding preparation is my norm. At least I think so. Of course it feels weird. I am only human. While I shopped for the necessary stuff (and apparently spending my whole evening with Abah, including visiting Abah's future father in law at hospital and attending Abah's colleague's son birthday party), I ask myself: what have I get myself into? I know there are people who think I am simply chose to torture myself.

I might not know what I am doing, but I know this is something right to do.

Nobody, including Abah, is holding anything as my responsibility. It would be more understandable to others if I choose to be less involved. It is me who feel like I need to do this, like this is another part of my life I need to walk through. Besides, I need to show good example and good impression. You are not living in this sphere world alone, you know. As much as you didn't care what others think, you still have reputation to build.

3 years at university, learning multiple disciplines and reading tons of psychological research; none of them provide me with the knowledge on "how/what to do when your mother passed away and your father's getting remarried". If you ask me how I did it, I'd say by being rational. Of course, that is the trickiest and the hardest part. You'll work it out if you try.

There is one scene in "The Wedding Planner" movie, when JLo discover that the guy she is in love with is eventually the bride groom and she's planning THE wedding. JLo almost quit her job when her friend said that she's a professional wedding planner and she can plan the wedding. So I put on my wedding planner shoes for Abah's wedding and tell myself that "I can plan this wedding".

Reflection...
The event of Abah's wedding is not easy for ANYONE, including Abah. It's a tough decision to make. So why make it harder by giving him a hard time on his wedding. Yes, this is his second wedding but it will be his future wife's first wedding. I believe that everybody deserve a decent wedding. I can't live knowing that I did not try to give a woman her decent wedding. Furthermore, the wedding is somewhat required. Every house needs a woman's touch to be a home. It's true; it all lies in the hand of the lady of the house. When the lady is gone, she carried away the entire gleam with her.

In my mirror...
I am spending all my energy to hold on to my sanity; ALLAH knows what's going on in my life. It's all messed up --- life and love. So I'm going to allocate my final breath to something worth it.

Please help me, please pray for me. I might break up, but please pray that I can recover all strength and rise again.
Wassalam.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Hari Wanita 2010


Dia Wanita

Bagai pohon tegak berdiri
Sentiasa kau tahan diuji
Bagai Sungai yang terus mengalir
Pengorbanan tetap tak pernah berakhir

Wanita
Engkau bulan engkau juga suria
Wanita
Kerana keistimewaanmu
Terpikul segala amanah di bahumu

Demi kebahagiaan semua
Api kau genggam menjadi bara
Jasad lebur
Semangat tak luntur
Wanita mithali engkaulah obor



Assalamualaikum,

8 Mac 2010 adalah Hari Wanita Sedunia. Selamat Hari Wanita, wanita-wanita sekelian! :) Oh saya sangat teruja. Lagu di atas kerap dimainkan di televisyen ketika zaman mudaku dahulu :p Hahaha

Kepada;

Para suri rumah kerana telah bertungkus lumus menguruskan sebuah rumah tangga. For making a building more than just a house, but a home.

Para ibu-ibu mithali yang bersabar dengan kerenah anak-anak serta suami. Bukan senang tu. Macam-macam ada.

Para wanita yang sentiasa menyokong suami mereka dengan penuh kepercayaan dan kesetiaan. Kelembutan yang ALLAH anugerahkan adalah untuk membelai tapi cukup kuat untuk menyokong di saat paling sukar.

Kepada semua wanita yang menuruti perintah ALLAH dan memenuhi takdir mereka sebagai perhiasan dunia, ingatlah betapa Islam memuliakan wanita dan mengapa. Sesungguhnya wanita paling mudah untuk menghuni syurga, tetapi penghuni neraka itu ramai daripadanya adalah wanita.

Semoga ALLAH memberkati dan meredhai hari ini yang dinamakan sebagai Hari Wanita dengan segala kebaikan. Semoga ALLAH merahmati semua wanita~

Wassalam.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Mitsuo Aida - Importance of Innocence

Assalamualaikum,

I would like to share an excerpt from Paolo Coelho's Like the Flowing River: Meeting in the Dentsu Gallery (Pg. 177). It is a poem by Mitsuo Aida, Japanese poet and calligrapher (1921-1991) on the importance of innocence.
At first, I have so many things to talk about below poem. But I think the poem has spoken everything itself. I hope, as I am, you too can learn something from it.

Happy reading :)
Wassalam.

Because it has lived its life intensely
the parched grass still attracts the gaze of passers-by.
The flowers merely flower,
and they do this as well as they can.
The white lily, blooming unseen in the valley,
Does not need to explain itself to anyone;
It lives merely for beauty.
Men, however, cannot accept that ‘merely’.

If tomatoes wanted to be melons,
they would look completely ridiculous.
I am always amazed
that so many people are concerned
with wanting to be what they are not;
what’s the point of making yourself look ridiculous?

You don’t always have to pretend to be strong,
there’s no need to prove all the time that everything is going well,
you shouldn’t be concerned about what other people are thinking,
cry if you need to,
it’s good to cry out all your tears(because only then will you be able to smile again).

Thursday, March 4, 2010

A Woman's Dream and Men's Desire


Assalamualaikum,

I watched "The Stepford Wives" at TV2 last night. IT's a story about Joanna Eberhart, a successful television executive who got fired after her latest project resulted with shooting incident. Suffering a nervous breakdown, she and her husband, Walter, move into a small and beautiful town called Stepford in Connecticut.

Stepford, apart from having awesome scenery, is a home of a weird community. The wives spend their time at Stepford Daily Spa and the men spend their time at Stepford Men's Assocciation --- all day! The weirdest should be the wives [it's Stepford wives, after all]. They were all, like Joanna quoted, like air stewardess, or like a doll; they were ideal housewives and perfect ladies. These wives were apparently half robotic with nano chips in their brain and tailored specifically for the husbands' standard. At the end of the story it was discovered that Claire is the mastermind for the stepfordization of the wives. She was emotionally hurt by her husband's love affair and determined to create an ideal love-family community.

First, I am not surprise on what drive Claire to do that. Never hurt a woman with love, for the madness resulted from it is terminal. When it comes to love, women always surprises the world, women can do so many unthinkable things out of love --- good or bad. After Claire caught her husband with her research assistant at their home, she killed him. We are very passionate creature.

Stepford is a woman's dream, Claire's dream. She built a robot similar to her husband, Mike, with all the good value she dreams of from a guy. Her idea of Stepford is to be a place where men and women can live lovingly forever. It's a place where women got to do what they love doing, so does the men. Well, actually it's what Claire love doing. She did mention about laces, dancing, decorating house... all of girl's stuff. Need to mention here, Claire was a very brilliant neurosurgeon. But beyond all the intellectuals she has, all she wants to do is to love a guy and be the woman he loves, so much.

The husbands in Stepford, they were married to highly intelligent women. Now these guys feel overshadowed and insecure by their wives' achievement. So they change the wives into computer programmed wives, Stepford Wives that they can control with a single click. They'd rather have these Stepford Wives to accompany them --- no question asked only orders followed. This is men's desire. Most of them would not admit it, but they prefer a weaker companion to make them feel confident about themselves. We are moving forward 21st century, but some men still stuck few centuries back where women can't do more than men.

I met women and men like them (in the movie) everyday. They are among us. I remember Mak advising me not to pursue too high on education or career for that might frightened guys and I'll end up unmarried. I think that is ridiculous. Even if I hold the highest educational recognition, even if I am at the top of my career, I am still a woman. I'd not have extra brains out of my skull [Daa!] I have one question to the Stepford husbands: didn't they realize that they are proposing to an intelligent woman? and why can't they love an intelligent wife just like when they were dating her?

Is it fair for us women to have to pay a high price just because we are destined with intelligence?

Wassalam.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Coba Untuk Bersabar...


Assalamualaikum,

WARNING: Ini 'Aini sedang membebel dan mengugut~ Lalalalalala :p

Bersabar memang menyakitkan. Walaupun bukan dalam setiap keadaan, saya suka bila saya boleh bersabar. Bunyinya riak, tapi bersabar buat saya rasa hebat. Kebolehan untuk bersabar umpama satu pembuktian ketahanan diri; I can feel the adrenaline rush and I love it.

Saya paling suka perasaan di saat saya akan hilang sabar. It's like standing at the very edge of a deadly high cliff. You can't see what's waiting for you. You are debating with yourself whether or not to jump off it. Sometime it feels like cliff diving but most of the time it feels like a suicide mission.

What if I jump?
What if I don't jump?
Should I jump?

Macam yang saya sedang rasa sekarang ni... I really feel like jumping off the cliff, wishing to land on sharp rocks. If I'm lucky enough I will drown and bleed to death.

Every time I'm thinking about jumping, I repeated a dialogue from New Moon: "You wanted me to be human. Well, watch me."

Well, watch me!

Kepada Encik yang sedang menguji kesabaran saya, saya ucapkan tahniah di atas keberanian beliau. Tapi, sila ingat yang kesabaran saya ada limit. I might just burst like a supernova and the whole world WILL be involved in our little drama. No, you don't want no drama~

Wassalam.