The Girl


I don't understand why people keep pushing their luck on my patience and self-control. Do they seriously believe that "endure" and "patience" are my middle name? Did I look so strong, like this heart of mine could beat the strength into my soul? Did they really believe I have extraordinary self-control ability?

I learnt to wear masks, put on different hats and different shoes because it is necessary and I wanted to be a better person. It was not for anyone's conveniences. I was born a normal baby and even though I grew up being perfectionist, I am not perfect. I have my instinct, my attitude, and my habit --- not all pleasing to all.

I perfected myself with learnable knowledge. Knowledge is just for guidelines, a standard, and references. What made it happen are will, determination and discipline. Those are hard to gain, even harder to maintain. But, the hardest would be being patience and in self-control all the time --- especially when being normal made me less optimum for my survival. Admit it, being lovable to most open yourself to predator who thinks they can chew you.

Oh how I would like to make the predators' life miserable!
I really want to turn their world upside down. I want to chew them back and let them know what this lovely 'Aini can do. I want to hate every cell of them and when I'm done, they'll learn their lesson. The sweetest part is, I can and I am good at making other life miserable.

But anger and hatred is so ugly and hurting people --- it's tempting but the satisfaction last only a moment before you regret it.

I'm not being hypocrite or holding back my feeling. I can doesn't mean that I have to. I am more than just good and bad quality. I have akal given by Allah. I chose to be this 'Aini and I will not let some low life creature destroy everything.

So people out there, be careful of what you are wishing for. You can never know what lies in the core. Appreciate chances given and don’t push people to their limit.


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