The February Note

Assalamualaikum,

I've been in a very bad shape this week --- So negative and melancholic. If my sanity could be represented by a glass ball, I can say that it was scattered into gazillion pieces. I don't know... somehow this year's February is so sad. I was in denial. Being a happy girl I refuse to let myself fall back into the sadness. But the truth is, stepping into February torn me without me realizing it. My unconscious mind marked February as "sad" and "loss" and I let that perception control me.

Admitting and sharing always help. I am the one who can't just sit down silently with all these crazy stuff going on inside of me. So here, I'd like to thanked all my listeners [and readers if I may say, for some of them read and reply to me]. Thank you for being a shoulder for a jerk named 'Aini... for attending to my whining and idiocy. And to everyone impacted by my mood swings; I am so very sorry for my unusual and inappropriate self during this February. I am a perfectionist, but I am not perfect.

There will be no excuses for bad behavior, so I am not trying to give one. I predicted a wave of good and bad mood until the end of February. So I am apologizing for each day that follows after today. Please consider it as my bad hair days. Should I hurt you, or do anything or say anything bad, please remember I never ever mean any of it. If I told you anything negative that you know I’d never say, just ignore it --- it’s purely emotional and a lie.

For those who might be worry;
InsyaAllah, I'll be fine.
I'll fight and I'll pull myself through all these crazy going on.
I'll listen to the saddest songs I can find until my heart bleed. When there's no more to bleed, it'll stop.
I'll cry, because that is a normal thing to do. When the tears washed away my sorrow, I'll smile.
I’ll put up a sour mask most of the time. When I see wrinkles in the mirror, I’d freak out and I’ll prefer the expression lines.

I believe that would be all. Before I sound like a whining [cute] girl [haha], or this sound like a crap note, I better stop.

To my Care Bears, love you all!

Wassalam,