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Showing posts from February, 2010

Journey

Assalamualaikum,

I arrived at Malacca approximately 0630 this morning. 30 minutes late. The second driver was slower than the first one --- I notice few scary overtake throughout the journey. It was raining last night and I feel exceptionally happy about that. The fact is that I have a very good connection with rain.

Anyway, I started to feel lonely traveling alone. It’s always just me, a book and MP3s in my C905. It was boring; I dozed off before entering the Penang Bridge. This time, I’m traveling with my birthday present from Kak Hairi --- Like the Flowing River, So Yi-jung --- my beloved sunbae and as I mentioned earlier the MP3s --- I hate the fact that my You Are Beautiful OST can’t loop and I have to play it manually one after another.

I notice that Malacca has become a place so familiar. I don’t even have to think which door to take at Malacca Central --- I know exactly where I am going. I’m guessing, one day the KBES guys will notice me and if miracle happens, they might actuall…

Small World

Assalamualaikum,

A Fadli added me as his friend in Facebook. He said I was in his mail listing dated back almost 8 years ago. Hmm... Sound too good to be truth. How young I was, 19 years? Apparently, he forwarded my last email. Guess what, he is my matriculation senior! Oh wait... he was my group's facilitator, too. That's why I have his email address. [Now I remember waiting for his reply, which is until it's forgotten...]

We met during orientation week. I remember that he was a cool facilitator, not fussy and very much sporting. His talk was motivated; he actually introduced me [us] H.M Tuah Iskandar's Membina Imaginasi Cemerlang. We were told that he is among the best student. The best part was we were the winning group :) When other group performed typical performances, we performed a coral speaking.

I screen through his profile for some updates. Well, he was so charming back then and we stop contacting each other after 3 emails. I'd like to know what happen to hi…

The Girl

Assalamualaikum,

I don't understand why people keep pushing their luck on my patience and self-control. Do they seriously believe that "endure" and "patience" are my middle name? Did I look so strong, like this heart of mine could beat the strength into my soul? Did they really believe I have extraordinary self-control ability?

I learnt to wear masks, put on different hats and different shoes because it is necessary and I wanted to be a better person. It was not for anyone's conveniences. I was born a normal baby and even though I grew up being perfectionist, I am not perfect. I have my instinct, my attitude, and my habit --- not all pleasing to all.

I perfected myself with learnable knowledge. Knowledge is just for guidelines, a standard, and references. What made it happen are will, determination and discipline. Those are hard to gain, even harder to maintain. But, the hardest would be being patience and in self-control all the time --- especially when bein…

Mak --- 1 Year

Assalamualaikum,

This coming 28 February will mark one year of Mak's decease. It has been one year... 12 long months without Mak. Everything feels so new, so fresh... like it was yesterday.

There were moments carved forever inside me --- in my mind and my heart. Those moments were the moments that changed every single sense of my existence. To tell you the truth, as a normal and average human being, I never foresee any of those moment ever going to occur in my life.

I remember the day Abah told us about the possibility of the cancer growing inside Mak's lung. I said: "The probability is 50-50... The test will come out negative. It will be another misdiagnosed and Mak will apparently have another minor complication".

I remember the day it was confirmed. I said: "Ya Allah. Could this happen to Mak? Could this happen to me? There must be a way out of this. Besides, the doctor said it was still in stage 1. There will be hope... Mak will have her chance."

I remember …

Simple Happiness :)

Assalamualaikum,

"Thank you lovely guy on my desktop... for smiling at me every morning and always."

"Thank you charming guy on my hand phone screen... for smiling at me lovingly."

"Yes, I'd be happy to be your flower... forever."

Above are all my credits and response to So Yi-jung, a character from Boys Over Flowers' drama (Kim Beum). He is the guy on my desktop and hand phone screen. Somehow, his smile makes me happy and warmth my heart.

I might be [naturally] a sad person, but I find happiness in the smallest and simplest event. In the darkest of night, I see stars twinkle so bright. In the hottest of daylight, I see flowers blooming and birds chirping lovely song. In the wettest of rain, it ends the drought and all sorrow washed away. Even in sad movies, and sad songs and sad writings; there are great moments you can enjoy.

Life is so full of wonderful things, if you choose to be satisfied with all you have and all you can gain for.

Wassalam.

Needing a Family

Assalamualaikum,

Back to work after 4 days holiday. I feel rusty. I wake up this morning alone in my room and I'm missing waking up in a home, with a family.

Waking up at home last Monday spoilt me. I miss waking up to Hakimi's voice: "Mak Long... bangun la" and his morning kiss --- he's the only opposite sex I can demand for kiss. I miss Syifa's "ta ta ta" and cries --- my sweet Bubble. I miss every bit of argument I have with my sibling. I miss us, watching Korean drama all day --- we were watching You Are Beautiful.

Furthermore, I miss my grandma, my aunties, my uncles and my cousins. I received a MMS of my favorite cousins with my favorite aunty. Gosh! Why do we have to live in different state...?

I'm the girl who always bound to my family. My life embraced by blood ties and unconditional love from each family member. Being with family makes me stronger and wiser. Even without knowing, family soothes every pain I endure.

Being a far from family,…

The February Note

Assalamualaikum,

I've been in a very bad shape this week --- So negative and melancholic. If my sanity could be represented by a glass ball, I can say that it was scattered into gazillion pieces. I don't know... somehow this year's February is so sad. I was in denial. Being a happy girl I refuse to let myself fall back into the sadness. But the truth is, stepping into February torn me without me realizing it. My unconscious mind marked February as "sad" and "loss" and I let that perception control me.

Admitting and sharing always help. I am the one who can't just sit down silently with all these crazy stuff going on inside of me. So here, I'd like to thanked all my listeners [and readers if I may say, for some of them read and reply to me]. Thank you for being a shoulder for a jerk named 'Aini... for attending to my whining and idiocy. And to everyone impacted by my mood swings; I am so very sorry for my unusual and inappropriate self during …

High Heels’ Tale

Assalamualaikum,

I slept at 10 pm and had a long 7 hours sleep last night. Sleeping at 10 pm on work day --- that is unusual and I am having a hard time to sleep lately. Anyway, I dreamt weird dreams --- I can't remember most of it, but there was dragon involves and Ayu, she was talking about DNA. Ha ha ha. So I wake up confused, searching my closet for a decent outfit, thinking that I seriously need new clothes and thinking about having a cup of warm tea before going to work.

"The flats of the high heels?", I ask.
"The high heels", I decided.
And here I am wearing the high heels that are biting me. While walking, I thought why on this earth am I wearing these high heels again. I should never ever wear any shoe that hurt my feet. I heard a click then: "Well done 'Aini. It's just like your relationship".

The first time I wear this high heels, everything was fine. Maybe it is because I wore it for only a short of time. The second time I wore it, I w…

Quick Relieve

Assalamualaikum,

It's been a while.
Piles of task are reaching my inbox.
Tons of issues require solution.
Need to flush these from my system, ASAP!
Ideas... there are plenty of them waiting to be publish.
Plus, there have been some ups and downs in my life lately. Some of it was Corkscrew's 360-head-over-head turn. It's 'fun' and I'm having fun :p

On the other hand, I’d like to release few things from my mind. If not, you might read the newspaper headline that read “Brain Explode!” :D

Decision made is a decision made. You can't undo it no matter how hard the outcome. The only option is to experience every moment of it or to make reasonable correction.

A love said is a love said. Once you love, you don't and can't stop loving. You cry, you hate, and you take a break. But promises and commitment tied by love is tougher than you thought.

Your life could be hard --- you define it. I said my life is simple and beautiful, but nobody says it will be easy. Life shoul…