Wednesday, June 30, 2010

How I Plan to Celebrate 1 July 2010


1) Wear the pink t-shirt with the pink scarf - it's been a while since I wear them.
2) Drink Nescafe the whole day - if appropriate.
3) Listen to "Tentang Seseorang" the whole day.
4) Eat Mi Bandung - at KLIA for more impact, for 1 July 2010 would be a simple Mi Bandung dish.
5) Watch "The Dark Knight" and "The Storm Warriors" - which is impossible because I don't own the DVDs.
6) Be at KLIA - obviously impossible.
7) To read what's remained to read and stay conscious and sane after that. (^_^)v

1 July 2010 is my 'supposed day'.
It just plans, it is just something stupid.

Just ignore this~

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Self I Want to Be VS The Woman I Want My Daughter to Be


It's a long title, it's raw from my mind and it's exactly what I think. It took me few days to figure it out. The nag that bothers me so much was indeed a battle between who I wanted to be versus the woman I wanted my daughter to be. [Yes, I am aware that 'daughter' is a big word...]

It's been tough and I feel sort of down the road. So I was thinking; oh whatever, I can't be okay all the time. I just want to sit down, quit doing everything, quit holding on and just cry my heart out and scream "life is suck!!!". I had this idea; I have been strong all this while and maybe it is okay to breakdown and cry now. When I'm done with all the crying part, then I'll be fine.

But on the contrary, if I were to write a handbook to my daughter, I'd want her to overcome all this feeling the soonest she can. I'd be cruel enough to forbid her from ever thinking about breaking down -- most probably by influencing that those negative thinking did no good at all. I'd want her to be a fighter, a strong woman that opens others' eyes.

Hmm... I sound more of a commander than a mother, do I? Hehehehe.

So, it is like this:

I want to feel miserable about my life.
I most probably will tell my daughter that it is okay to feel that life is miserable.
But I'd want her to be more positive about it, be grateful and see the hikmah behind everything.

I want to 'enjoy' this heartbreak I am having.
I most probably will tell my daughter that heartbreak happens all the time and that it is normal to feel sad.
But I'd prefer her to take the least time to think about it.

I want to quit my life and my role and my responsibilities and run away to a place nobody knows me.
I most probably will share with my daughter that she can take her time to think of any issue.
But I wouldn't want her to run away and left our family and her responsibilities.

I just want to be a normal girl, with normal reaction and normal everything.
I'd share with my daughter that she can be normal if she wants to because I can understand that.
But I'd want my daughter to be the best, instead.

I want to be childish -- to hate certain place, certain food, certain songs, certain garments, certain events, to do childish stuff.
I might sometime do childish stuff with my daughter or encourage her to do it too.
But I'd really prefer her to stay mature most of the time.

I think too much, I know.

Have you ever feel so much connected with any song? I bet everyone does. My song would be Christina Aguilera's Reflection...
*** I must write this down on the first page of my daughter's handbook: "I must not expect more than I am capable of doing" and "It's easier to say than to do". ***

Christina Aguilera

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

There's a heart that must be
Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show Who I am inside?

Monday, June 21, 2010

Punctuation Marks


[Background song: Yuki No Hana by Mika Nakashima]
[It was raining heavily outside]

June 2010 is the month where the most punctuation marks being used. When you are clarifying the happenings, punctuation marks help a lot. They help to differentiate several of emotion and they are very useful in making your explanation sounds more convincing. But be careful, you don't want to overuse it or misuse it; it can make things worse.

I hope I used the punctuation marks well. You'd be surprised how a comma (,) with a correct placing makes the story sounds better. Too many ellipses (...) would make the audience think deeper than they should -- you might want to use it less. The use of question mark (?) is good for provocation, but if you overused it, it makes you sound defensive. On the other hand, using quotation marks (‘ ’, “ ”) could provide the reference/support you need. What happened was a big event in my life. Even without using the exclamation mark (!), my audience can sense the stress. So there's no need to make it bigger -- exclamation mark is banned for use.

What's need to be share, has been shared. Selected people knows everything, people who cared enough to ask get their answers, people who happen to ask the correct question knows the least of it. The more I spoke about it, the more I feel the happening was real. No problem, it was real. No matter what news you are breaking out, take time to prepare yourself and your audience. Though, don't wait too long.

The truth hurts, yes. But truth give proper ending and answer questions that floats all this while. It hurt at first, but it heals through time. Reality is hard, yes, they always do. But nobody can sleep forever just to dream their favorite dreams. The sun shines every day, even after the darkest of night.

My final punctuation mark was a full stop/period (.). It ends a lot of thing. I ended a lot of things. The end.

Friday, June 18, 2010

You'll Always Be My Bella


Two more clips were revealed for Twilight Saga: Eclipse. One of it entitled 'You'll Always Be My Bella'. I was so moved by this clip; I converted it to MP3 and play it over and over again.

The clip captured a conversation scene between Bella and Edward on his concern on her becoming a vampire.

Edward: I know the consequences of the choice you're making. Sigh. I've live through it... and to let you suffer that...? You believe I have a soul, but I don't. But to risk yours just for the sake of never having to lose you, that's the most selfish thing I'll ever do.

Bella: I thought that you're afraid that I'd be too different, kinda like I won't be warm and smell the same.

Edward: Sigh. You'll always be my Bella.

This is so sweet!
What's not to like about Edward?

Why Edward Cullen?
He is a guy, loved by a girl so stoned by his love and would do anything for him -- including being a vampire -- but he never take advantage of that fact for his own good. It's always about Bella, for Bella's sake and if he did anything with advantages on his side, he'll think that he is being selfish.

Too good to be truth?
Of course!

Impossible for any reality, but at least I am happy reading it. Maybe I will not have Edward in my reality, but Bella have him. That's enough :D

Pinch #1: The dialogue was uttered by Robert Pattinson and I am so not his fan.

Pinch #2: Edward Cullen is the most impossible thing ever, thus to have a sweet conversation like this is almost impossible.

Pinch #3: Even though I really wanted to change my name to Isabella Swan, I can't! [OK, this is too dramatic :p]


Thursday, June 3, 2010

MV Rachel Corrie


As I am writing this, a colleague shared an SMS believed to be from someone on MV Rachel Corrie. The sender claimed that the Israelis are boarding the ship.

I've surf all possible sites, no news yet until this entry published.

Allah, o Most Compassionate. Please have compassion on MV Rachel Corrie and their mission. Allah o Most Merciful. We pray for your Mercy.

Silently, I pray that the SMS was a prank.
[09:41 SEA]

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


“Orang -orang yang beriman berperang di jalan Allah dan Orang yang kafir berperang di jalan thaghut, sebab itu perangilah kuncu-kuncu syaitan itu kerana sesungguhnya tipu daya syaitan itu adalah lemah.”
[An-Nisa' 4;76]


Amat kecewa terhadap serangan Israel ke atas kapal Mavi Marmara yang membawa aktivis bantuan ke Gaza. There are no words to express this cruelty and barbaric incident. Rasanya ada satu perjanjian yang telah dipersetujui yang melindungi kumpulan misi bantuan, pasukan perubatan, wartawan, wanita serta kanak-kanak. Isn't it??

There was not known reason for attacking that ship, though I know they will come out with an amazing justification we all have heard. It will be the same old facts -- the hospitals and schools were just covers for military facilities, even a passenger bus could suddenly carrying missile. Can I curse over those facts? Ugh!

Sampai bila kita nak biarkan dan tengok saja. Kuasa-kuasa besar dunia diharapkan dapat melihat ini sebagai man slaughter, first degree murder. This is no longer cross-religion issue, it is humanitarian issue. People died and they were not holding any weapon. The only things attached to them were hands to help and a kind heart that care for others.

It's an emotional week. The world cries and mourns for this event. Dibaca di dada akhbar, White House serta Moscow mengecam tindakan tersebut. Diharapkan kecaman bukan sekadar kenyataan media untuk menambahkan rencah dalam darah yang mengalir.

Dan kepada saudara se-Islam sekelian, kembalilah kepada Al-Quran dan agama Allah. Hanya hati yang bersatu di dalam agamaNya dapat menyelamatkan kita. Jangan lupa diri, wahai hamba yang melata di atas bumi Allah. Kalau masih tak sedar diri juga, ingatlah kemurkaan Allah itu amat besar. Walau sepoyo dan senipis mana pun Islam kamu, jangan biar hati sekadar melihat agama dan saudara kamu dihinjak.

Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim.
Yang Maha Memiliki Keagungan & Kemuliaan, Yang Maha Mengasihani...
Rahmati dan lindungi hamba-hambaMu yang berbakti ke jalanMu. Berilah mereka kemudahan dan kekuatan... Peliharalah iman mereka, Ya Allah.
Ya Allah yang Maha Memiliki Kebesaran,
Hantarkan tenteraMu untuk membantu mereka.