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Outside the Window


I have been using my home PC these few weeks. I spent hours sitting in front of this PC - surfing sites, reading what netizens have to say, watching my favorite videos and writing. Abah has totally banned me from using his laptop due to my endless surfing activities :p Hehehe.

Spending hours in front of this PC means that I have also spent hours looking out of the window. It's a familiar view - a view I could miss one day. But most of the time, I feel like I am transported into another realm each time I look outside the window. It's the feeling of flipping the oldest of albums inside your of mind. It's the feeling of mentally hitting the reply button and then watching the seconds you have missed. It's a moment alone with yourself.

This piece of land used to be merrier with kids and adults - blessed by the loving families living together on a small area. Our neighborhood consists of 4 houses - all are only few meters from each other. We can easily gossip without even leaving our compound.

There used to be more rambutan trees - shading a little open space where the kids used to play. It was big enough for all of us to run and play. I am surprise how small the area seems now. Some of the rambutan trees were cut down. At first it was due to their size no longer suitable. Then we started to have wedding reception, thus more space required. Plus, as the kids grew up we started to acquire vehicle. What was once a playground now left vacant for stuff like that. Just another open area, no more laughter, no more kids running around. Thinking about that, kids nowadays no longer involve in outdoor activities. They were stuck watching television or in front of PC. Oh, I forget to mention. Our neighbor was a baby sitter - she babysits my other siblings and other kids. The grandma also taught kids to read the Koran. So you could imagine how the time was.

Now the neighbor / babysitter / our so-called family no longer live here. The house still owned by them but they are currently living with their daughter. They will come back periodically. The mother was Mak's companion. When Mak passed away, I know she felt the great lost. She reminded me of Mak and when she is not here, something is really missing - I believe my siblings felt worse since they grew up with her. Staring at the empty house consistently make me sad. I hate to see letters flooding from their mailbox and the grass that grow healthy on their lawn and how empty the clothes hanger is. They all register only one fact - emptiness. The feeling is worse at night. All that is visible is a pitch black area - a house.

When I was only a kid, I have never thought of how much things will change as I grow up. Then time started to move faster, from one birthday to another. I live my life and sometime I got stuck somewhere in the journey, but time still moves pass me. When I finally realized what has happen, too many things has changed. There were too many fragments to keep together - like small particles around us. You can't see it, but it's there.

I'm looking out of the window and checking out the sky. Ya, it is that feeling.



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