Dari kerana mata...

Sesetengah manusia Allah anugerahkan dengan kelebihan tertentu. They are gifted. Kelebihan yang mereka sendiri tidak tahu kenapa mereka miliki, melainkan ia adalah kehendak Allah. Kehendak Allah semata-mata. Gerak hati atau instinct adalah salah hati dari kelebihan yang banyak. Some people just know. They just... know. Modern world always has this question: Is it a curse or a gift? Mana mungkin anugerah Allah satu sumpahan. Somehow, it show the way and bring them to places... places they need to go. Somehow, it prepares them.

Today is another tough day. Well, it feels tougher - but I have survive many days like this. A colleague blow up on me. I irate a colleague badly today. That's the beginning of everything: people starts being honest and the truth come flooding. I don't know - I really don't know - how I could have offended other people. I am the type who either stand in or walk away. I was scolded, I was put on my place, and I have had arguments. I am aware of that. But most of the time, I am just here, sitting at my cubicle, doing my job. I thought if I talk less, comment less, gossip less, it would lessen the probability of any inconvenience caused by my personality. Oh yes, I am aware that I am a difficult person. That's why I choose to stay away from other people when the going got tough. So self-aware and crying, I sent this to the closest colleague: If I have wronged you, tell me. So that I can apologize properly. If I have flaws, tell me. So that I can imp...

Alhamdulillah, urusan pernikahan Fatin berjalan dengan lancar. So many things happen within a short time. They were engaged in May, and around October/November they decided to get married in December as per planned; 24/25th December to be exact, the busiest time of the year. I was typically unhappy with the short notice, because I was being selfish, because I know I can't commit 100% to the wedding preparation within that time frame. Tapi kalau dah jodoh dan dah takdir macam tu... The date. Mak dan Abah bernikah dan kenduri pada tarikh yang sama. Fatin even get a bridal outfit that is very similar to the one our parents wore on their reception day - songket merah dengan bunga emas. Yes, I was aware the whole time. Honestly, I was clueless. I don't know what to do. Masa Hakim kahwin, Mak ada dan Mak was the one making plans and making things happened. Kami mengikut je. When Abah re-married, erm, it was his second wedding... To that, I go through a scary ride of emoti...

When I broke up, I leave everything - I mean *everything* - behind and move on. Today, that is the stupidest decision I made. I should have stayed in that dimension, make gallons of lemonade, and keep being awesome in something I am good at. He broke my heart and made me cry, and I let go all possible opportunities because I want to disconnect from him. Nope. It doesn't sound so cool. Anyway, it was one of the hardest moments in my life. I was getting rid as many as I can from my sinking ship. I survive and I get another chance in life. Today I almost make the same mistake. I almost walk away from another dimension just because it gets more acidic from the lemons thrown at me - a partner is giving me a hard time. *stomping my feet*, *chin up* This is *my* world. I have work hard for this. I am not going to stop and step away just because some people makes it little harder. I refuse to do that. It will be painful, I will cry, and I might need more counselling sessi...

Menangis. Menangis sebab lepas hujan pagi ni pelangi tak kelihatan. I want to stay in my car longer and wait for it, but duty call. Adakah aku menangis kerana tak nampak pelangi dalam ruang waktuku, or did I cried because I can't have the extra waiting time to wait for a rainbow? Pelangi bukan sentiasa muncul setiap kali lepas hujan. Am I going to cry every time? Hujan diturunkan bukan untuk mencipta pelangi. Hujan diturunkan oleh Maha Pencipta untuk menghidupkan bumi. There's rainbow forming somewhere, anyway; with or without rain. Hold on there, dear darling. Hold on a little longer. Masa gembira bukan selamanya. So does bad times.

Alhamdulillah. I achieve my 100 kilometers running target. Yeay! And it's my one year running anniversary. Another yeay! I can't believe I have run the distance and one year have passed. Rasa macam baru je mula berlari. Seriously. Why I run? I started running because I want to manage and contribute to Revert Sports Club (RSC) properly. If I can't understand the runners' need, I can't find the opportunity to contribute and to improve. Asking and observing will do the job, but what's the use of going to Gemba Kaizen course if I can't do this much. Yep, too serious kan? Oh well, if I am going to do something for dakwah, I better do my best. Ini kan ibadah, I thought. Running Evolution "This is my final run" "I won't run that much" "I'll just be the luggage/water girl" Jawatan yang akhir tu sampai hari ni tak dapat! After a while, running is no longer RSC business. I conciously decide that ru...

When you have cried too much, when you have endure all types of pain, all you want to do is run and curl up into a ball somewhere far from everybody. There's a sharp pain in your chest - your heart is crushed - you need to hug yourself because it feels like you are going to lost control. You clenched your hands; holding on to the last bit of hope to stop you from falling off the ledge. You close your eyes. Hoping to undo a lot of things. Wanting to erase scenes you no longer have the courage to revisit. Desperate to forget moments that is too painful to remember. Hopefully when you wake up, it was a peaceful dreamless sleep.