Monday, September 24, 2012


Photo: Bu-yong from Rooftop Prince
I don't know which is worst - believing you are not pretty or to have nobody telling you that you are pretty.

Fly FM Morning Rock Crew fixed a guy's problem last Friday morning - his girlfriend is addicted to KPop and obsessed with plastic surgery. I was wondering if she is really not pretty when Hafiz pokes her background bubble. She sobbed to the question before finally admitting that she had rough childhood. There was not much love and no one ever told her that she is pretty. So she is not necessarily lack in anything.

I grew up believing I am fat and not pretty - I said [shout] to my radio. My cousins planted that idea in my mind. In my past, I wore L size garments; because that is the size I see myself through other people's eyes (There was one time when I chose a XXL t-shirt for a jamboree event). I actually believed that until early 20s. Then I started to gain my consciousness and confident bit by bit. I am not Miss Universe-ly pretty, but I am just as fair as any girl could be. I am not model slim, but I am okay. There is nothing wrong with myself. I deserve a slap for letting other people messing up with my mind.

It is not fair for me to make it sound that simple. It is not. I am among the lucky ones who made it through this. It is not a fall to endure. It is more of a climb; a process of building something. Long or short step; fast or slow pace; you must take the first step and keep going on with your eyes on the peak. You need to hold on to yourself and pick up the pieces. I took 20 over years to do that and I am still climbing and building.

Pretty or not pretty, it is up to me.
The world can crowned you the prettiest of all, but if you did not believe that you are pretty, it would mean nothing. You will always have the dissatisfaction in you. In search of perfection, you will find more flaws. But if you can embrace the flaw and be content of what you have and who you are, it is possible to live a perfect life. Somebody said that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and you're what you eat - so be in the loving eyes; feed yourselves with good food; and feed your soul with good input.

I always told my cousins that you need to believe that you're pretty, and then people will see you from your eyes. It is inside-out! Look into the mirror and tell yourself that you are just perfect and nothing less than that.

We can't help on the genetic part, but we can do so many by creating a more loving and compassionate environment. Tell a child that they are pretty, compliment them for being a good person, encourage them to see themselves positively, and help them to develop good self-esteem. Always try to find something good in other people, even the smallest criteria - and tell them that.

Let us cherish ourselves and each person around us -- for exactly who they are.

Betrayal Cuts Deep

Photo from:

Betrayal cuts deep; it leaves ugly scar that would never fade.
Be-tra-yal: even the sound of it feels like paper cut.

When the shoes were put on to my feet, I don't know how to walk it. I was petrified. The runaway vanished before my eyes. The shoes sank me deep into the darkness. I am the kind who has the what-I-will-do-if-it-happen-to-me list. Funny when it bumped into me, it knocks me down so hard to the ground; I can't stand up to fight back. I remain on the ground throughout the stages of grief.

I finally tossed the shoes into the trash, but it is still there.
The numbness, the pain, the hatred, I will always have the ugly scar.

That is my story when I was betrayed by my partner in commitment.
So when I received the grieving news from someone close to me, that she is betrayed by her husband, it hits my yet-to-heal ugly scar.
I would not dare to put myself in her shoes, because it would be more painful. I lost everything back then when a guy betrayed me; she's betrayed by her husband, her everything.

This post is not to blame any individual. I stand on the same side even if a girl betrayed a guy. I would be on the same side even if the betrayer betrayed! It is not gender thing-y, it is not something anybody deserved.
What I want to say is, it could happen to anyone of us. But we must always choose to avoid doing so. Do not break a heart. You never know how severe it can be. You never know the amount of pain you have inflicted on a person. You never know...

Trust is built. When you knocks and destroy it, what is left is the remaining of it. Apologies did not undo anything. But forgiveness heals.
And forgiveness is earned.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Cinta Kami Kepada Muhammad SAW Lebih Marak

Kredit foto:


Api benci kamu marak.

Setiap kewujudan kami ingin sekali membalasnya.
Dengan darah dan dengan nyawa.

Tapi api cinta kami kepada Baginda Rasulullah lebih membakar.
Tapi keinginan Rasul kami andai Baginda masih di sisi kami lebih utama.
Tapi keinginan kami mencontohi akhlak Rasul yang kami rindui ketika berhadapan dengan manusia seperti kamu lebih mendalam.

Api cinta kami kepada Baginda Rasulullah Muhammad bin Abdullah lebih membakar.
Itulah yang kamu tidak fahami dan itulah yang kamu geruni.

Islam tidak mengajar kami untuk membenci, menghina dan menghasut.
Tapi Islam melalui Rasul yang kami cintai mengajar kami untuk membalas kejahatan dengan kebaikan.
Dan Islam melalui Rasul yang kami cintai mengajar kami erti dan nilai; meletakkan iman dalam kemarahan dan perjuangan.

Justeru diam kami bukan kemenangan bagi kamu.
Api yang kamu percikkan hanyalah kesusahan untuk kamu dihari kemudian.
Api yang kamu percikkan sekadar katalis kepada api perjuangan yang tidak pernah padam.

Amarah kami; adalah selemah-lemah iman.
Amarah kami; kami gandakan lagi kecintaan.
Amarah kami; kami gandakan lagi kerinduan.
Amarah kami; kami panjatkan aduan kepada Tuhan Yang Satu.
Kerana balasan yang sesuai untuk kamu hanyalah KeadilanNya.