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If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

Assalamualaikum,

I was random-reading Ustaz Hasrizal's "Aku Terima Nikahnya" (the 3-books compilation) last night when I stumbled upon below poem.

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
by Diana Loomans

If I had my child to raise over again,
I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I'd do less correcting, and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I'd run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd teach less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.
It matters not whether my child is big or small,
From this day forth, I'll cherish it all.

Is it me; or parenting and the desire to be a good child makes you emotional?

I mean, the child - they will grow up. And it feels like we only have one chance in parenting - we must do it correctly the first time. Parenting is a serious business; I know that even when I was 17. But the nature of parenting should not be an excuse or worst, the main reason for the absence of love and compassion in the relationship. Parents always mean well; but the dos, don'ts, never, shoulds and shouldn'ts list must not turn parenting into some human training camp. I am talking about the lists because I know that is the method I'd use to raise my children.

But I come to realized that rules and obedience are not the main point in parenting. I can relate this to my relationship with Hakimi. Yes I can make him to obey my rules; I can force him to obey my rules. But if I keep treating him like that, I know I will lose him once he is a teenager. When the time comes, the poem suits me very well. Through time, I learn that good intention must be delivered with good methods. Per Ustaz Hasrizal, our children might fails to follow our teaching (words), but they never fails to copy our acts. If you treat children sternly, you get stern children.

Hakimi... His presence makes me a better person who wants to be a good parent.

I still need to learn a lot more about parenting... Semoga Allah berkati dan permudahkan perjalanan mencari ilmu tersebut dengan sumber yang bagus dan ilmu yang diredhai-Nya. Amiin Ya Allah.

Note: If you're getting married; already married; planning to have children; or simply a human being who wants to improve your quality as a parent or a child, you should consider reading "Aku Terima Nikahnya".

Wassalam.

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