Wednesday, November 25, 2015

A Note to Myself

When I broke up, I leave everything - I mean *everything* - behind and move on. Today, that is the stupidest decision I made. I should have stayed in that dimension, make gallons of lemonade, and keep being awesome in something I am good at. He broke my heart and made me cry, and I let go all possible opportunities because I want to disconnect from him. Nope. It doesn't sound so cool. Anyway, it was one of the hardest moments in my life. I was getting rid as many as I can from my sinking ship. I survive and I get another chance in life.

Today I almost make the same mistake. I almost walk away from another dimension just because it gets more acidic from the lemons thrown at me - a partner is giving me a hard time.

*stomping my feet*, *chin up*
This is *my* world. I have work hard for this. I am not going to stop and step away just because some people makes it little harder.
I refuse to do that.

It will be painful, I will cry, and I might need more counselling session. I'll take that. I am going to take up the beating rather than feeling stupid in the future. Once is enough.

Those people, they will say whatever they want to say, they will do whatever they want to do. They *never* mean to hurt you. But who are we kidding - it still hurts.

We only have ourselves to care. People who make you undergo hard times are not worthwhile for anything other than to make you a better person.
Take it as a challenge, *be* a better you.

Be scared, do it scared, take the step and cross the threshold.
As long as you stay alive, you still have options to choose.
Don’t hate, love them anyway. And love yourself more. Be selfish in that sense.

Here. Have some lemonade.

Rainbow Make Me Cry

Menangis sebab lepas hujan pagi ni pelangi tak kelihatan. I want to stay in my car longer and wait for it, but duty call. Adakah aku menangis kerana tak nampak pelangi dalam ruang waktuku, or did I cried because I can't have the extra waiting time to wait for a rainbow?
Pelangi bukan sentiasa muncul setiap kali lepas hujan. Am I going to cry every time?
Hujan diturunkan bukan untuk mencipta pelangi. Hujan diturunkan oleh Maha Pencipta untuk menghidupkan bumi.

There's rainbow forming somewhere, anyway; with or without rain.

Hold on there, dear darling. Hold on a little longer.
Masa gembira bukan selamanya. So does bad times.

Monday, November 23, 2015

100 KM and First Runniversary

Alhamdulillah. I achieve my 100 kilometers running target. Yeay! And it's my one year running anniversary. Another yeay! I can't believe I have run the distance and one year have passed. Rasa macam baru je mula berlari. Seriously.

Why I run?

I started running because I want to manage and contribute to Revert Sports Club (RSC) properly. If I can't understand the runners' need, I can't find the opportunity to contribute and to improve. Asking and observing will do the job, but what's the use of going to Gemba Kaizen course if I can't do this much. Yep, too serious kan? Oh well, if I am going to do something for dakwah, I better do my best. Ini kan ibadah, I thought.

Running Evolution

"This is my final run"
"I won't run that much"
"I'll just be the luggage/water girl"

Jawatan yang akhir tu sampai hari ni tak dapat!

After a while, running is no longer RSC business. I conciously decide that running will be a part of me. I actually learn many things from running. Siap dengan falsafahnya. Bunyi derap kaki berlari (baca: joging) umpama sembang yang rancak. Lepas beberapa ketika, bunyi degup jantung menjadi perlahan dan fikiran jadi fokus. It's the heart that is complicated. Muahahahaha. Muscle pain and blisters? It’s the reminder to appreciate health and stay fit. To be grateful to Allah. Hehehe. I believe I am the type who thinks well when I am on the road. A true street philosopher? Meh~

You can run alone. But running together is much more thrilling than running alone. Walaupun berlari seorang diri, atau ketinggalan jauh di belakang, rasa teruja mengenangkan ada kawan-kawan menanti di akhir garisan - priceless. Runners are known to be very supportive. So you know you always have the support you need, walaupun dari individu yang tak dikenali. That, together with the adrenaline, is a good combo for life.

Keep Running
Selepas setahun - masih berjogging, masih tiada perancangan untuk personal best, masih tiada improvement plan. But somebody told me that slow or fast, a mile *is* a mile. Hehehe. So I'll keep on running. Maybe in the future, while running certain kilometers, I will decide on something. Besides, you can't just stop loving something *just like that*. Did I say "love"? Wow. Where is 'Aini?! :p

Dear RSC: My family and running partners...
(I wrote it while remembering Meghan Trainor's Dear Future Husband)

Hmmmm. Let see.
Thank you. You are everything a beginner needs to take the first step and run, you are everything a runner needs to endure the run and cross the finishing line.
That's it.
No, you don't want to know how much I love you and miss you and always want to spend time with you.
Let's end the speech just like this.

Future Running

Semoga Allah beri kesempatan, kelapangan, kemudahan, dan kesihatan untuk berlari di masa hadapan. Semoga Allah masih izinkan untuk berdakwah bersama-sama RSC dengan cara ini. Semoga Allah beri berkat inisiatif RSC. Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan semua runner yang berlari dengan Allah dalam hati.

It's supposed to be a warmth moment to share with my darlings. Unfortunately, I had an episode of emotional avalanche while two important people in my running life - one is dealing her own difficult time (we still run together but I'm giving her the space) and another one can't decide if he is still upset with me (my fault...).
I can't have proper celebration without you.

Friday, November 20, 2015

A Peaceful Dreamless Sleep

When you have cried too much, when you have endure all types of pain, all you want to do is run and curl up into a ball somewhere far from everybody. There's a sharp pain in your chest - your heart is crushed - you need to hug yourself because it feels like you are going to lost control. You clenched your hands; holding on to the last bit of hope to stop you from falling off the ledge.

You close your eyes.
Hoping to undo a lot of things. Wanting to erase scenes you no longer have the courage to revisit. Desperate to forget moments that is too painful to remember.
Hopefully when you wake up, it was a peaceful dreamless sleep.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Kwon Soo Ah

Reference: Sassy Go Go
Recap: DramaBeans

Kwon Soo Ah's Character Description:

Ranked second place in school and a member of the Baek Ho club. Her mother pressures her to become first place and get into an Ivy League school. Hence, she resorts to manipulating the people around her in order to meet her mother's expectations. She is unapologetic for hurting others and insensitive to their feelings.

I must be crazy - of all the character, I am writing about Soo Ah.
She a b*, she did plenty of bad stuff, and she is worth hating. But if you ask me, she doesn't look happy doing it. She looks terrified and super desperate. Every time she sold her soul to the dark side, I am seeing it as the opportunity she really needs to get away from the ledge. The only way out for her.

In my opinion rather than being a solid antagonist, Soo Ah is another misunderstood character in the middle of bustling high school. Her character's background was written very well; it leaves me walking along the love-hate line. You hate her for choosing the dark side, but you can't hate her enough to give up on her because you know the caused to the despicable behaviour.

Soo Ah has been brainwashed by her ambitious mother. The devil with power. Ivy League, Ivy League, Ivy League - that's all she has to say. She made it sound that that is the world, the only way Soo Ah will find happiness. Anybody who grows up with that much pressure, being defined by school rank, and treated no more than just a golden player in a team - would do what Soo Ah did. Fine, maybe not all, but we can agree most of it doesn't develop good personality. The way she talks to Soo Ah is so not mother like and easily mistaken as a consultation. Gah. I hate that scene in episode 10. My heart sunk.

People like Soo Ah always and all the time need chances. Not second chances, but a lot of chance. And at least *one* soul that keep holding on and not give up. It's risky, I know. She can be a pure evil. But hey, there can be hope as well. That is Ha Dong Jae; one soul that is treating her differently from others. Someone who is not affected by her devilish aura (well Dong Jae got kicked out from baseball team because of her). His phlegmatic personality always negate Soo Ah's tantrum.

If you are in Soo Ah's position, wouldn't you wish to have a Dong Jae to be there for you?
I would. I wish I have a Dong Jae during my toughest time.

Everything that happens after Soo Ah's suicide attempt is what a friend should do for another friend. It was heartwarming to see them cheering for Soo Ah and to see how the supports she received have positive effect on her emotional recovery.

It is easy to judge someone.
It is easy to give up on someone.
It is easy to ignore someone.
It is easy to overlook the importance of support.

Enduring is hard.
Reaching out for help is harder.
Admitting that we need help is the hardest.

Soo Ah ya, hope to see you in next episode. Fighting!

Kim Yeol, please stop smiling! Hehehe~