Wednesday, January 6, 2016

My Sister's Wedding

Alhamdulillah, urusan pernikahan Fatin berjalan dengan lancar. So many things happen within a short time. They were engaged in May, and around October/November they decided to get married in December as per planned; 24/25th December to be exact, the busiest time of the year. I was typically unhappy with the short notice, because I was being selfish, because I know I can't commit 100% to the wedding preparation within that time frame. Tapi kalau dah jodoh dan dah takdir macam tu...

The date. Mak dan Abah bernikah dan kenduri pada tarikh yang sama. Fatin even get a bridal outfit that is very similar to the one our parents wore on their reception day - songket merah dengan bunga emas. Yes, I was aware the whole time.

Honestly, I was clueless. I don't know what to do. Masa Hakim kahwin, Mak ada dan Mak was the one making plans and making things happened. Kami mengikut je. When Abah re-married, erm, it was his second wedding... To that, I go through a scary ride of emotional roller coaster.

Gambar terakhir sebelum nikah...

No matter what happen, I just can't not try to give someone a good and proper - if not perfect - wedding. This is my one and only sister. I know I can do so much for her... but I can't help but think what Mak would do, and her dreams. It breaks my heart.

I was a crying mess a short moment before the nikah. Masa tu saudara mara serta sahabat handai sedang berkumpul di masjid. Dalam ramai aku rasa kosong dan keseorangan. The whole world and all I need is for Mak to be there. I wish Mak was there. I want Mak to be there. Tanpa Mak, segalanya jadi tidak bermakna.

Bila seorang perempuan bernikah, semua tanggungjawab bapa serta saudara lelakinya bertukar kepada suaminya. Mak's final wish was for me to take care of my siblings. I don't know. I feel like I married off a daughter *and* a sister. While hugging her, in between sobs, I manage to eked out that now her husband is responsible for her, that I have fulfill Mak's final wish. Bercampur-campur perasaan sedih dan lega.

The truth is siblings will always be siblings. No matter the age, single or married.

Semoga Allah memberi barokah kepada kamu berdua~
My darling sister,
I am sorry I can't give you a lavish wedding. I am sorry I can't manage your wedding better. I am sorry I am not the best sister to you.
Baraka Allahu lakuma, Wa baraka 'alaykuma, Wa jama'a baynakuma Fi khayr. May Allah bless everything for you two, and shower His blessings upon the two of you, and may he bring you together in everything that is good.
Semoga Allah memberkati dan memberi barokah kepada rumahtanggamu, adik.