Dari kerana mata...

Assalamualaikum,

Dear Anxiety,

Two can play this game.
Bring it on.

Regards,
Me


This is the only thing I have in mind -- to fight this anxiety. Dah rasa bosan sebenarnya. On one evening, tiba-tiba shortness of breath lagi. Terus turun ke convenient store, beli ais krim.

I know what I need: 1) Help, and 2) Support.
I *am* reaching out for help.

It's the support part that sort of worries me. Tiba-tiba aku macam clueless nak reach out for support. Bukanlah tak ada support. I have the greatest family and friends. But... I guess I just don't know how to be on the receiving end. After a while, fighting and enduring has become so easy -- as easy as breathing -- that I forget there are other options.
When I reach out for support -- a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold on to -- I reach out hesitantly. It always come out as something that need to be read between the line. Rarely a clear 911 call.

People said, that I look too happy for anxiety. Well being happy does not make you immune to an…

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Assalamualaikum,
I am still struggling with this round's asthma attack. The inhaler doesn't seem to make me feel better. I was struggling to breathe last night. Seharian semalam dah okay banyak, but towards the evening I started to experience mild short of breath. Lepas solat Maghrib, masa berjalan ke kereta untuk pergi kelas Hokkien aku dah mula rasa awful. I barely focus on the last night's lesson. Sampai je rumah terus nak collapse. Rasa nak merangkak naik tangga. Paksa batuk pun tak membantu. Inhaler pun tak membantu. Huhuhu.
Sedang marah-marah dengan "Vampire Diaries" (dalam semput pun masih bertenaga nak marah), Miss F keluar dari bilik dan beritahu ada orang bagi kek. A guy, katanya. Anybody can gifted me cake, but *a guy*? Takde lelaki yang tahu teratak indah ini. With limited supply of oxygen, my brain worked harder to process it. Belum habis fikir tapi tangan laju je ambil kotak kek Secret Recipe. Hahaha.
When I opened the box, I saw a slice of cake th…

Assalamualaikum,

Alhamdulillah. Hari ni ai berusia #13 tahun. Ooopps tersilap. #31 tahun. Terima kaseh untuk semua ucapan dan doa yang baik-baik. Semoga Allah beri kebaikan yang berlipat kali ganda lagi kepada anda. Jom doa: Wahai Rabb yang membolak-balikkan hati. Teguhkanlah hatiku pada agamaMU. Berilah rahmat kepada usiaku dengan ketaatan kepadaMU, baguskanlah amalanku serta ampunilah dosa-dosaku. Amiin Allahhumma Amiin.
'Meraikan' hari ini bersendirian ditengah ramai orang. Sejak malam tadi lagi dunia tiba-tiba terasa sunyi sepi. Mungkinkah kesan daripada 4 dos Salbutamol? Hahaha. Menghabiskan detik-detik terakhir diusia 30 tahun dengan membaca diari. Not much to read, similar to this blog. But last twelve months were the busiest and the toughest so far. Not just less writing, membaca pun kurang. Yang bertambah hanya jumlah buku yang dibeli.
Walaupun kalut dengan pelbagai perkara, usia 30 adalah usia yang paling menenangkan. It feels right to be 30. Ia bukan lagi usia kateg…

Assalamualaikum,

Alhamdulillah. I completed my first Penang Run - SPT, my first 8 km and beat up all my records so far - 8 km for less than 1 hour! Crazy. Sungguh tak percaya. Hahaha. The motivation: water station that *supposedly* at the 4th km.
All the same. The same doubt, the same nervousness, the same cold feet. Seminggu yang amat sibuk. Asyik balik malam dalam keadaan cuaca yang hujan dan sejuk. By Tuesday I have started to show symptoms of asthma. Even malam sebelum larian pun masih sama, bertambah dengan simptom flu pulak. Alhamdulillah, bangun keesokkan paginya rasa lebih sihat.
06:30 Fun Run flag off. Well, we missed it by few minutes. Sebab risau tak dapat keep up dengan Miss J, aku lari bersungguh-sungguh dari awal. Berdesup lari tinggalkan Miss J dibelakang. Tu pun masih ditinggalkan jugak. Hahaha. Plannya, all out for the first 4 km (the *water station*), then slow down a bit for another 2 km and then I should be fine for the last 2 km.
It was early morning and I forgot…