Sunday, September 25, 2011

Searching for Balance


While watching "Eat, Pray, Love", I thought I have never find myself so trap that I need to travel around the world in search for peace. I mean I do travel. But I travel towards family and friends, not opposite of them. Family and friends are my source of energy. They keep me balanced. I don't know what will happen without them.

Being around them (family and friends) reminded me to people who treasure me; sincerely need me in their life and relying on me. They remind me that as much as I want to give up living and break down alone in a corner, I have people and hearts to consider. I have responsibility to fulfill. And the most important thing - I already have the greatest love of the world.

Let's forget the sadness in our heart. Put a period into it. Life is an adventure and let’s takes this challenge. If you can't stay, if you can't find the exit door here, find Liz in yourself and go further in your search. Never ever give up.

Note: Find HIM, you'll find your balance.




One of the ways to handle messiness in life is by organizing anything tangible around it. It is better compare to retail therapy (which can make you broke) or comfort food (which can make you fat). I need fresh air for my mind to works at maximum speed and to get fresh air, I need a very clear, organized and clean space. I could not think properly in topsy-turvy environment.

This is similar to Kinki in "Needing You..." or Elizabeth Egan in "If You Could See Me Now". Both Kinki and Elizabeth have the tendency to deal with their life issue by scrubbing the floor and rearranging their stuff. When I 'meet' Kinki, I am too young to have issue in my life and when I bump into Elizabeth, I already have too many issue to deal with :p I like the metaphor behind this act. Life is messy, so we arrange it. Life is stuffy, so we clear it. Life is too much on you, you scrub it sparkly clean!

Any therapy - going for [window]shopping, eating our favorite food, cleaning the house, making crafts, going for a walk, sleep, etc. - are an initiative to unconsciously motivate ourselves and to ease the clogging veins and twisted nerves. It symbolized control - when we're dealing (or fire-fighting) with stuff we don't have control on. The idea is to make aware that life is not totally suck, and there are parts of it that we can hold in our hands.

Life is challenging but there's always an exit door. Giving up will not solve anything, in fact it could kill your soul. Keep on fighting!

Note: I feel like scrubbing all surfaces until they sparkle.


Friday, September 16, 2011



Our heart always has something that she desires. But we don't usually get what we want. Instead, we get what we need. And, what we want is not necessarily what we need. It could get twisted there and when it does, it gives our heart a hard time.

The hardest part is to see it coming and to accept the fact that you are not getting what you expect to get. The second hardest thing is to let it go. They say it all started with a dream, but sometime we would wish to have never fallen asleep...

Now that would be a silly mistake. Instead of wishing the past never happen, it is better to focus on what's happening today. The future is not ours to see. So we should use every precious time we plan to spend worrying about future, by living well and by putting effort for a better tomorrow.

The constant pain, the uneasy feeling, the heartbreak, it will eventually subside and will go away. What's not ours is not ours. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. Accept it and move on.


Monday, September 12, 2011

Cerita Hujan


Hujan lebat malam tadi buat aku teringatkan Tok dan kehidupan ketika di kampung, Kedai Empat. Rumah tempat aku dibesarkan adalah sebuah rumah pusaka dengan suasana kampung. Bukan macam rumah kampung sekarang yang bersuasana moden, laman rumah Tok tidak diturap. It's dirt. Kalau berhadapan dengan musim hujan, ataupun hujan sepanjang minggu, pasti halaman rumah jadi becak / lecak ('lecah' mengikut setempat). Jadi papan-papan disusun dari tangga rumah merentasi kawasan tengah halaman ke kawasan yang lebih kering.

Masa bersekolah rendah aku menaiki basikal. Biasanya bila sampai ke sekolah mesti ada kesan lumpur di mana-mana bahagian baju aku. Pernah juga gara-gara tergopoh-gapah, terus slide dengan basikal ke dalam lumpur. Hahahaha. Kemudian bila bersekolah menengah, lain pula ceritanya... Masalahnya sekarang ialah kasut sekolah aku selalu comot dengan lumpur. Tok selalu kata aku ni cemerkap dan tidak hati-hati melintasi titi di tengah halaman. Sebagai penyelesaian, setiap kali hujan, kasut sekolah yang aku pakai akan dibalut dengan beg plastik. Ala-ala masuk makmal~ :P

Sambil mendengar bunyi hujan yang kian lebat, hati terasa sayu... Sejak Mak meninggal dan sejak tinggal berasingan dengan Tok, hidup terasa sunyi seolah-olah bersendirian. Hidup sekadar rutin dan tanggungjawab. Tiada yang kurang, cuma ada yang kehilangan.

I need a home, a place where my heart can go home to rest... And without both of them, or one of them, I feel like I have nowhere to go... There's no home~


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Perutusan Aidilfitri 1432H




Semoga Allah pertemukan kita dengan Ramadhan yang seterusnya....